the diary of antoine roquentin

> Marilyn Manson – Ka-Boom Ka-Boom
> Suicide Commando – Desire

Got back from Eureka a few hours ago, we had a good time. I wore my black faux-vinyl shirt, my black vinyl tie, my black bondage pants and my spiky sandals. It was an okay outift, but it would have kicked serious ass with my boots. Oh well. I got another bondage belt at Hot Topic, a replacement for the one Stephanie never returned. Fuck her, she can have it. I have a life. She’s a second-year senior. Can’t get more pathetic than that. Anyway, my ears don’t hurt much from the piercing yesterday, except when I was trying to go to sleep yesterday (I’m a side sleeper) and when my mom rotated them today. Nobody cool is on, except for inkdude. I swear, he has no life. But he’s cute, so who cares. I got a ring at the mall too, it’s a small plain silver band, I like it, it fits my pointing finger on my left hand. Pretty, pretty, pretty! (insert cheerleader giggle here). The leather trenchcoats at Wilsons were $240, and in XXL size, so I don’t think I’ll be getting one any time soon. But the shiny vinyl Trinity coat at Hot Topic was only 60 bucks, but it was too small. They had another kind of cool bondage-esque trenchcoat that I wanted to look at, but it was way up high, and I didn’t want to go through all that trouble to ask the people to get it down, it wasn’t really that cool anyway. We had chinese at Fortune Wok in the mall, and went home. Mom got Selena on VHS and an Edward Scissorhands poster. She hates DVDs, but I’ll be sure to introduce her to the wonderful world of DVDs when I get to NY, ’cause her new computer can play them. I’m going to fall in love with that pretty machine. It has a flat screen too (drool…). My dad is probably going to get me a killer machine as a graduation present, I can’t wait. Lol, we were halfway to Eureka when I noticed that my mom’s shirt was inside-out. It was so funny. That was a great moment. She’s all “really?”. It was great. I saw this cool wood sculpture of a huge castle with bulging spires when we drove past Oreck, I would have so bought it if I had money and an antigravity machine to send it to purgatory at Dad’s house until I graduate from college and get a job. In other news, when we got back to Crescent City, my mom had to get a McFlurry at McGrease, and this dude that everybody at Del Norte thought was gay was the checkout person at the drive-through. He gave me a weird look, but I’m not going to hunt him down. He’s a meek conformist, I’m spunky, quirky, and (at least in this town) different. I think his name is–hmm–I can’t remember it, but he goes to my school. Anyway, he’s cute, but that doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with him. Well what I really wanted to talk about was this dude I saw after we went through the drive-through. He was so cute, wearing all black, bondage pants and a Johnny The Homocidal Maniac shirt. Oh dear, I hope Christine isn’t reading this or she’s going to hunt him down and rape him. Hey, I would too. (drools) Delicious. Well, DIABOLIQUE’s family had a yard sale, I’m glad he wasn’t outside or I would have had inadvertent sexual fantasies about him all day. Heather left a message on my answering machine, but I forgot to call her back until 10:00, I guess her phone was off because I got her voicemail. Or I dialed the wrong number. Well, I guess that’s all that happened today. Jon never e-mailed me back, apparently he’s on another planet. Well, I’m off

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>Deftones – Lucky You
>Linkin Park – Session (no, I’m not lame, it’s a trance/industrial song by them, who knew you could go from lyrically vapid rock i.e. “metal” to industrial?)

Today was the apocalypse, but now it’s over. I graduated, got my ears pierced, and got a cool faux vinyl shirt at Fred Meyer. My mom found her outfit we went there to get, a black skirt. While she was going to the bathroom, I smelled every candle they had at Freddy’s and they were invariably disgusting. But, however, I found this AMAZING ersatz mongolian/tibetan lamp-looking thing, it was brass and cool and you could put a candle in it and it would look so pretty (insert preppie cheerleader lunatic giggle here). And I found this framed piece of glass with a print of a black-and-white scene in Europe of a bridge, it was so me…but I didn’t have the 19.95. Or the 14.95 for the lamp. I’m talking to Heather, she desparately wants me to put her in Halo One of my peeps page, I’m doing it now, she’s so funny, she says she’s going to stalk me. My mom and I are going to the mall tomorrow, hopefully. I sent an e-mail to Jon telling him I’ll be there. I’m 98% sure he’ll be working, but maybe he’ll take a day off to see me (yeah, right). He usually checks his e-mail really late and is on AIM really late, so there’s a chance we might rendezvous. Finished the changes to my site that Heather wanted, but haven’t uploaded them yet, I don’t want to open another browser window because I might get distracted and lose this entry. Heather had to go, she said she’d call me, I don’t know if she wants to go to Eureka with me or not. My finger hurts, my left pointing finger, I think it’s from typing obsessively all the time. That finger does a LOT of letters. Just in that last sentence, my pointing finger typed 11 letters. Anyway, I feel like I could write volumes about today, but it was quite straightforward, although I achieved two goals I’ve had for years, and got a cool shirt. It just feels like I should be so happy I’m having spontaneous orgasms, but I’m still myself, slightly jaundiced with a tinge of melancholy. It’s my life. Well, I should be getting to sleep.

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>Marilyn Manson – I Don’t Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)

I just woke up, and I’m going to remember my headphones today. Today marks the day of the apocalypse. Well, I gotta take a shower, I’ll be back later.

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>Suicide Commando – Body Count Proceed (if I had headphones)

I’ve been trying to sleep in Mike’s room and fucking rude little children in adolescent bodies were throwing shit at me. How fucking childish. I swear, some people are so immature they should be taken out and shot. So far, my friends aren’t showing up. I’m fucking tired and I want to go home. FUCK EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY MY SENIOR PROJECT BECAUSE I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANY MORE, except taking a good nap. Huh, there was a huge grinding crash emanating from the room I was just in. Hmm, hopefully some of them died. Unfortunately it was probably just Greg being a lunatic as usual. How weird, I was surfing Amnesty International to find some indescribable form of human desecration, and this like, person named Sara or something came up, she asked me if I was related to my mom in the nursery. It was a strange conversation, she was all–”bye” in the middle of it and walked off. Hmm.

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> Paul Oakenfold – This Is Trance

I am so bored. I just wrote an e-mail to Mindy, and before that I watched a never-before-seen episode of Star Trek and a never-before-seen Law & Order. Turns out Claire had an affair with her first boss. It makes me think of her character more fondly, I don’t know why. It just adds an air of humanity to her. My mom left for a while, a much-needed respite from her banality, but now she’s back. I think I’m going to sleep, so she won’t deluge me with endless comments about my essay I’m supposed to do for my senior project, but I’m not tired. Oh well. I was feeling like my body was made of lead watching TV, but now I feel a bit rejuvenated. Too bad. Actually, I think I am going to try to go to sleep. Btw, I am in love with the funky lights I strung on my cieling.

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