>Garbage - Nobody Loves You
>Garbage - Temptation Waits
>Elastica - Spastica
>Danny Elfman - The Tree Of Death (from the Sleepy Hollow soundtrack)

I am really really really really pissed at my mom. She is a LIAR. She promised to go to Edgewater today, and didn’t. I kept trying to go to sleep, to dream of my martini glasses and the possibility that they would have clear vinyl shower curtains that I could make into sleeves/armwarmers, but I had to go downstairs and watch the end of Dark City before I got tired. At about 5:30AM, I was woken up by shouts and various exclamations. I caught various snaches of it, something about throwing up, I heard “call 911″, but I was tired and just went back to sleep. I’d only slept for maybe three hours before this escapade. Anyway, my mom comes in and is all freaking out that I need to do something with the dog (like walk her) and I was too tired to do anything. I just yelled at the dog to lay down and after a bit went back to sleep. I woke up around twelve thinking that grandma was at the hospital, because I’d heard my mom and grandpa’s voices, so logically it was grandma who was having problems. The lying sack of shit that is my mother wouldn’t take me to Edgewater because she was afraid that grandma would die. She didn’t word it that explicitly, but that was basically it. I felt like saying “What the fuck? they wouldn’t have released her from the hospital unless she was okay. If something does happen, what the fuck does it matter if you’re here or not? Grandpa can fucking call 911. Like you’re the fucking healing angel in your family? fuck you.” But no, I just went downstairs and watched/listened to music videos really loudly. It was the only fucking thing I could do, my FUCKING GODDAMN IMBECILE WHORE mother wasn’t going to take me anywhere. I’ve left the house once since I got back from wildwood (a week!!!!!) and I’m going crazy. I hope she dies (my mother, not my grandma). But like, maybe after I leave, I’ve never seen a corpse before. That was really the only thing I was afraid of, when I heard those sounds, that I would go out in the living room with the dog and there would be the corpse of one of my relatives there. That would make me fucking snap. I don’t do death. Anyway, I passed the day trying to get my mom off her FUCKING LAZY GODDAMN ASS, and once I realized that was impossible, downstairs watching Dark City with Roger Ebert’s commentary track, while my mom talked to my cousin in the other room of the basement, crying and wailing and shit. I’m like, god. You’d better fucking get acquainted with death, your parents are in their early eighties. I hope to be self-sufficient when my parents are that old, unlike her, the childish near-imbecile. This place is becoming a fucking PRISON. On a happier note, I started “Lord Of The Flies”, “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”, and “Crash” by J.G. Ballard (I got the books on my last Amazon.com order). I love Crash, it’s so strange, with that satirical razor-edge of wit, and amusing random sexually-oriented similes. It’s very interesting, but I’m having problems reading it, because I end up laughing a lot, and my mom gets mad at me when I laugh a lot. Fuck her. I’m having fun. Anyway, I’m officially moving downstairs. The basement is going to be my new home, away from those crazy fucks. I’m not talking to my mother until we go somewhere. ALL I FUCKING WANT TO DO IS LEAVE THE HOUSE? IS THAT SO GODDAMN WRONG? I JUST WANT TO GO TO A FUCKING PARK OR SOMETHING, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!????????? AM I A FUCKING PRISONER??????? I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH.