I feel like I’m going to die…I feel so depressed, I completely forgot that I was supposed to turn in my plan for my Profile Paper in English on Friday. I feel so sickened at myself, I got so sucked into my social life that I just don’t care about schoolwork. I wasn’t learning anything from that asshole anyway, I guess I just forgot. I don’t understand. I’m not passionate about writing this thing…in my world writing this paper has about as much significance as taking a bowel movement. I don’t know what I’m going to write it about, every creative idea I’ve had he’s told me isn’t going to work. FUCK HIM. I read the assignment, and all my ideas fit into it fine. I hate talking to people, so I can’t interview anyone, I can’t understand. I hate the world. If I fail my classes I’m going to have to kill myself because my dad’s going to kick me out and my mom doesn’t care about me any more. I’m going to die in this FUCKING GODDAMN HELLHOLE…I hate this world…I hate everything…I have this horrible feeling of stress that I can’t stop…it’s churning in the pit of my stomach, I can see myself now, with the grade sheet, straight F’s, my dead body and slashed wrists on the road somewhere…I just want to cry but I can’t…this fucking world conditioned it out of me with their goddamn gender roles…I just have to keep it all bottled up inside until I die, I wish I was never born. My parents never wanted me anyway. Well they definitely don’t now. I feel like an irresponsible idiot, and I still don’t know what I’m going to do my Profile Paper on, I just want to cry…if only I could. I want to die. More than anything.

I did horribly writing my philosophy paper, it’s like two pages and completely sucks. I don’t understand truth at all. I feel guilty turning such a piece of shit in, but what am I going to do? I can’t write anything better. I feel like shit, I feel stupid. I wish I was dead, I went through hell trying to write something intelligent and well-thought-out, I just can’t.

Orgy - Re-Creation

I had a Hat Guy sighting at Safeway–he looked delicious as ever. I’m writing my philosophy paper and listening to music, I saw the first half of this great Japanese movie–it was a true story that happened in Feudal times, it was kind of like the Japanese Romeo & Juliet. Anyway, more later…