Portishead - Elysium
Orgy - Fiend (great song)
Garbage - Parade
Joan Jett - Do You Want To Touch Me
Deadstar Assembly - Normal

I’ve heard that some people feel betrayed by what I say in my blog, and I feel like I should address this. I feel that my goal in life is to be a honest person, and that means that not everything will always be hunky dory. If people can’t deal with the prospect that they’re not perfect, I don’t think they’re at the level to be friends with me. I have flaws, all my friends have flaws, and in my attempts to share my world with others, I try not to be judgemental, but I can’t ignore unpleasant facets of people any more than I can ignore pleasant facets. I can’t love people in sections, I take the bad with the good, and I can only hope my friends do the same for me. I try to grow from my experiences. The things I post in my blog are very personal, but since I’m trying to be as open as I can (to go against everyone I’ve ever met, who tried to hide their real feelings), to strive for self-awareness. I’m ambivalent about many people, and it shows in my blog. I mean, I know sometimes I write things that portray some of my closest friends in an unflattering light, and I understand how they feel, but I really do have mixed feelings about people, and what good would it do to hide it? It’s a fact of the universe, my universe at least. I think that a passive-aggressive mentality of not telling people when they do/say things that one doesn’t like, is much more self-defeating. I feel that if people object to what I write, we should talk about it. My point of view and ideas are never perfect, and I try not to pass judgement, I just present things from my point of view, biased in whatever way it may be. I deeply love my friends, but that doesn’t mean that I have to ignore the things that irk me about them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if my friends haven’t realized that nobody is all good or all bad, it seems they won’t really understand what I mean when I contemplate actions my friends have taken that I may not agree with. Just for the record: I love you guys, no matter how much I overanalyze your actions.

Placebo - The Bitter End
Placebo - Nancy Boy

I am so in love with Placebo again…they’re this band with this uber-hot androgynous lead singer…mmm. Meanwhile in reality, I’m coming to school friday with nothing to do other than the newspaper meeting. Molly and I might do the whole kilt-buying thing, that would be cool. There is a slight problem, my father hasn’t cashed the checks that provide the money for my purchase, but Molly said she’d take me to the bank. I’m so happy and like, thankful…that is a lame word but yea. I’m going to bring my DVD player, so no matter what Molly will get to enjoy The Doom Generation-ness. I had such a great day, I’m all, “yay!” to everything.

—-Christmas List Post—-

Just in case one can’t find anything from the lists of millions of other things on other christmas list posts:

Any CD by Placebo (except for Black Market Music)
The SLC Punk Soundtrack
Any CD by Hocico
Any CD by Elastica
Any CD by Pansy Division
Any CD by Rammstein
Leather things
long-sleeve fishnet shirt
anything PVC
shot glasses
martini glasses
brandy decanter
other glass alcohol-related paraphenilia

> Covenant - Feedback
> Orgy - The Odyssey “give me the super-pill to make it all better”
> Placebo - The Bitter End “every step we take that’s synchronized / every broken bone / reminds me of the second time / that I followed you home”

Today was super-gravily cool! Didn’t take a nap this morning, but I was okay. Wore a killer outfit, Philosophy was boring and we had a test in History, I can’t have gotten worse than a B. Hung out at Danielle’s, Christine is over there like every day now, it’s so cool. Christine and I walked to Gas 4 Less, I bought my first pack of cigarettes, it was so cool. They were for someone else, but still it was fun. Since I’m 18 I really want to get a torch. I heard the pawn shop has some, but I haven’t been there. Dani, Christine, and I walked around the nature trail. Then Danielle’s mom went to drop off her brother Chris, and get a prescription for Danielle, so we went along. It was fun. When we got back I had to get picked up, so Christine walked me to the college. I saw Ann and this dude from Sunset–he’s so hot, but he’s straight. GRR. And he has fashion sense. It’s so weird. Straightness and MTV-esque fashion sense…they seem polar opposites, but I guess he proves stereotypes wrong. I think his name is Jerry, he’s really funny. Then, as if my day wasn’t uber-gravy enough, I saw Edward! He gave me the stuff he said he was going to give me, (leather boot guard thingies, a military-esque belt, some weird videos that I have yet to watch, and leather suspenders). Yay! And when I was walking over to the place where I get picked up I saw Samantha, she gave me a sucker, it was yummy green apple. Well yea my dad showed up then and I went home. I finished setting up the christmas lights, I have them on a timer and everything, although it was raining like crazy while I was finishing. Every time I went out to put them up, it would rain, so I’m like “fuck it, I’m doing it no matter what” and I got it done. So yea. They’re pretty. I’m noticing my hair, it’s growing out and has about 3/4 of an inch of brown ougrowth, and my dandruff is reaching unforseen craziness, I’m going to have to start using the dandruff shampoo every time I shampoo. My scalp is really itchy, I should probably wash it tonight. I saw Mission Impossible tonight, it flagrantly sucked. I mean…well…there’s no justifying how much it sucked. Anyway, I’m going to write an e-mail. I’m going to school tomorrow although I’ll have nothing to do, I’ll probably hang out with Christine and Danielle all day except for the Drift meeting, but I hope to do the kilt-buying Doom-Generation-watching extravaganza with Molly tomorrow. That’s the e-mail I should be writing, but I figured I’d write it here first.

Well, I’m home, must write a post about my day because it was super-gravy, and an e-mail to Molly, but first I’m going to go out and finish putting up the christmas lights so I can forget about them.