Well, today was cool, talked to my counselor (Samuel) and he signed me up for my classes. I have to talk to Martha today to see who’s going to pay for them though. When I was waiting to see if Samuel had a free moment, Daniela walked by! She gave me this UBER GRAVY COOL cigarette holder! Suddenly lost interest in waiting, and walked with her to the Drift awning to smoke. Edward walked up and we talked for a while. I had to go to English, so I deliberately made an appointment with Samuel at 2:30 so I could get out of the last twenty-five minutes of English. After I was done with him, I walked back towards the Drift awning and there were Edward and Daniela. We talked for a while, Edward had to go work on something for Journalism, so Daniela and I walked to her house to get cigarettes and this play that she wrote that we’d been talking about. She never produced the play, so either she found it and we forgot about it or she didn’t find it. Anyway, when we were waking back my dad yelled at me from the car. He’d been waiting for me, he gets out of work at three thirty and my art class gets over at four-thirty. But we never go to art. I lied and said it was canceled. How evil he is, I wanted that forty or so minutes of undivided social time. Anyway, I think I’m going to bed around eight tonight.

Woke up around twelve-thirty, Amy came into the Drift Office. I went and walked around for a bit, looking for my friends. Found Molly, she was in her office. I gave her The Doom Generation, she’s going to watch it tonight. We talked for a bit, she was going to lunch or something with Lapp. He reminds me of Charley, in his facial features. That is not a plus. I showed Molly my GPS, she told me about something–can’t remember what it is. But it’s cool. I’m in the Library now, Sammie and Tawna are here. Our class (English 1A) starts at one-thirty. Tawna had a funny Dilbert. Tara’s taking photography. I MUST sign up for my classes today. I’m going to go find Martha Roy.

> Nine Inch Nails - Even Deeper

I’m sitting in the Drift Office typing this. My dad asked me when the library opened when I got out of the car this morning. “I don’t know, eight.” I replied. It was raining, I guess that was his futile attempt to show compassion. Never did tell him about the key to the Drift Office, it’s one of my little revenges that depend on him having empathy. Oh, Molly got me Simulacra and Simulation!!!! I can’t wait to read it. I’ve been noticing the weirdest thing: today doesn’t feel real at all. I was in the car, and I was listening to music on my discman, like I always do, but it didn’t feel real at all. The only time that I feel like I’m really living is when I’m in Sacramento. This life is like a dream. A mediocre, tedious experiment in ennui. Depressing. Hopefully the book I’m getting will convince me that nothing is real. Well, I’m pretty much already convinced of that, I just need a system to validate my beliefs. I only got three hours of sleep last night. It’s explained in earlier posts why, but not completely. All that staying up hideously late at Kelly’s changed my circadian rhythms so much that my body now thinks that it’s cool to go to sleep at like seven in the morning and get up sometime around dinner. I really should take my nap, but I haven’t blogged in a while. Somebody left a magazine in the Drift Office, it’s one of those vapid teen things. I can’t picture who it might have been that left it. Oh, my meditations on Taggart’s smoking came to fruition today/last night. He smokes Camel Filters, a brand marketed by R. J. Reynolds to teens for years (remember Joe Camel?). It makes me think of him as a pawn, but I guess no matter what he smoked he’d still be a pawn. But I guess, when I think about it, I’m a pawn too. I use a certain brand of toothpaste, a certain brand of deodorant–companies have millions invested in everything, and we’re all pawns to some extent. It’s kind of depressing.

Added the harsher disclaimer, but I’m not sure whether I’ll change the URL. I think I’ll leave it the same.

I want to be much more open in my blog, so I think I’m going to move the URL, or reach a new plateau of intimacy with my readers. I want to post intimate things. I think I’m going to put a harsher disclaimer on the top.

Jerked off thinking about Taggart last night, kind of made me sad. Read some of The Day Of Creation, then switched to The Invisible Man. Talked to Charley a bit tonight, he signed off in a hurry. I’d go out with him if he wasn’t so fat. Better keep him in his place: the desparation fuck buddy place. God, I’m so depraved.