> Orbital - Meltdown

Meltdown is such a great song, I’m in love with it. I’m in this weird mood, mostly because I’m high on caffiene, partly because I’m feeling kind of lovesick. I could be doing drugs to evade reality–but I suppose I just did them to clean my room and vacuum the house. Both of those things are done, and I’m still speeding. Charley is talking to me, I wonder if he’s going to come over. We always end up having sex when he comes over. Well, except for once. It was the first time he came over. Saw Secretary for the first time tonight, it was really good. I’m in such a kind of good mood because my dad isn’t here, he’s spending the night with Lisa. God, I do not want to know what they’re doing–but it must be what he imagines I do with Christine and Danielle. Or maybe he’s accepted the truth. Who knows–he’s weird. The next time he asks me who I’m talking to on the phone, I’m going to say “my boyfriend,” just to see his facial expression. Eh…I don’t think I could though. I can’t even tell Starr off. God. I started this post to say how I’m home alone and have no one to share it with! Staying up late, playing music loud, going out into the rain…it’s just not as fun without people to share in it. :( Well…I guess I am in a sort of Taggart withdrawl. If he were here right now I’d be just like I always am when he’s around–nonchalant but twisted up in knots inside, not able to say how I really feel. Depressing. Still listening to Meltdown, Charley says I should have a party. Sure. He’s just giving me crap anyway. Oh, when I started feeling the effects of the caffiene I got out my old remote controlled toy truck, I charged the battery and it actually worked, it gave me about ten minutes of fun before I decided to vacuum. Well, I guess I’ll check my e-mail, I’ve been neglecting it all day–I can’t seem to sign in to MSN Messenger on this computer. *sigh* I guess I’ll have to do it the hard way. :( Today sucks. But I did wash all my clothes (a MONUMENTAL achievement since I hadn’t washed clothes in literally weeks.) And I washed and pressed out my tie to dry correctly. And I washed all my hand-wash only clothes (which had been lying around for months). I did get a lot done today. Oh, I called Utilikilts yesterday and they told me what to do. I didn’t use my people skills. I have no people skills. I have to pay $22, and for shipping back to their factory thingy. Life is a big shit sandwich. I need money. I need money to pay for the test to get my permit, and I need money to get all the stuff on this list of stuff that I’ve had for months. I think I’ll reprint it here just because I’m bored.

Need/Want

Palette
Full Length Mirror
The Matrix Reloaded (DVD)
Toothbrush Holder
Non-Acetone Nail Polish Remover
Blank CD Labels
Plain, Glass Shot Glasses
Spikes
Comfortable, Ankle-High Combat Boots

And I need money for Christmas presents for everyone.

So yea. I think Charley might end up coming over. He’s calling me a weiner. I think he’s flirting with me. I’m not in the mood. He’s a desparation fuck. I think I’m inadvertently flirting back. Damn these pre-written life scripts. Okay, I’m officially sick of Meltdown…setting the mp3 player on random…okay that’s better. Maybe I’ll make some excuse and go to my room and read. Eh, I’m still too buzzed from the caffiene to absorb Camus. All right, I’m going to go check my e-mail.

> Korn - Freak On A Leash
> Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out Of My Head
> Madonna - Don’t Tell Me

Drifted off back to sleep after talking to Starr–had these HORRIBLE dreams, about rabid homocidal cats, homocidal snakes, death–scary. I rarely have such dreams. My subconsious is trying to tell me something. Woke up, brushed my teeth, got back in bed to read my philosophy book when Daniela called. It was the last person I expected to call me. Well, not the last, but it was strange nonetheless. We talked for a while, then migrated to the Net, there was this whole drama thing that involved Katie, Amy, and Daniela’s blog. Oh well. I wanted to print out the November entries on my blog, but they came out to twenty-five pages (with no margins, and ten point font) so I think I’m going to print them out at school, I’d rather pay $2.50 than have to go out and buy another print cartridge any time soon. I think printing out my blog entries is what exhausted the ink of the printer in my room. So I must wait until Monday. It’s been surprisingly nice today, Molly and I could have done Christmas lights today. It was raining crazily last night, I read some on all three of my favorite books last night. I woke up thinking that I heard knocking on my window. Maybe my subconsious really wants me to track down Royce. I wouldn’t know what to say to him if I did. We haven’t seen each other in ages, I think he thinks I moved away. :( Oh yeah, that pentagram thingy that Tawna gave me is so cool! I haven’t taken it off since yesterday. The chain I’d been thinking of using for it works so well. It’s so pretty! I’m in love. Must write people e-mails today. And wash my clothes (I’m wearing my last shirt today). And take a shower. And write my philosophy papers. And finish The Stranger. Well, I should get going.

> Garbage - Special [so freshmen year...god...but it's a good song]

Lots of stuff happened yesterday, but I don’t know if any of it was important. Hmm…. Oh yeah! After I wrote my last post I journeyed to Molly’s office and we had this AMAZING conversation for like two hours. It was the in-depth conversation I’d been dying to have with someone. When I first met Molly I knew that she would be an avid conversationalist and intellectual, and of course I was proven right. I totally (at least in theory) have the courage to walk up to Taggart and go “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” I’ve reached a new plane of existence. That sounds too grandiose indeed, but I always feel like that after contact with intelligent people. Well after that, I think I went and hung out at Danielle’s, then I went over and got picked up. My dad, Lisa (his girlfriend), and I went out to dinner at the Chart Room–it was highly uneventful. Went back home–I think I checked my e-mail–went to sleep. Drifted back and forth between reality and dreams, until Starr called me at ten. She ws sas that her “boyfriend” didn’t want to be with her any more. His friends told her to go away. I can imagine. She asked me: “If you didn’t like me, you’d tell me, right?” I lied. I don’t like her. She’s annoying, and I can’t stand her constant sexual overtures. Even if I was straight I would never go out with her. She is so goddamn annoying. She keeps wanting to come over, I keep wanting to tell her I can’t stand her. But I can never tell people off to their face. Never. And I feel like such a hypocrite.