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Taggart is sick on the couch, I really want to lay with him but I'm eating an apple. I hate this feeling. It's love and hate at the same time. I love being with him so much but I feel pain when I know it's not going to last--that I'm going to crave his touch with every last iota of feeling in my body--that I'm going to crave him. I hate that I can't have him--that I can't have anyone. That I can't feel. All I feel is pain--it overshadows everything--so much so that ...