> Elastica - S.O.F.T.
> Elastica - Hold Me Now [this song would make even dismemberment pleasurable]
> Elastica - Blue [greatest song in the world]
I just wanted to archive this thing that happened tonight, Kelly was pouring milk into a measuring cup from this hella-full carton of milk and she kept pouring it all over her pants because we were laughing so hard–it was great. I told her about my lactose intolerance–and she thought it was funny. Well, I guess that requires an explanation–the reason I don’t drink milk is because I’m lactose intolerant–in short, it makes me fart insanely. I haven’t told many people that–mostly because it’s not very PC–but Kelly was all–well, drink some milk–because Jared and her are always having these fart wars. I will, as soon as I get up tomorrow. It will be good to break another of my–I wouldn’t say tenets but things I don’t do: drinking milk. I don’t think I will–it’s the one thing I don’t do–I’m not enough of a nazi to be a vegitarian because I live with a meat-eater–I don’t have enough determination to be a vegan–I like Mexican food too much–not drinking milk is like the only thing that I have a real reason to do. I don’t want to be a Nazi so I probably will drink some if Kelly wants me to–I hate having no self-control or determination. I’m so jealous of Andrew, he’s a vegitarian and a vegan. Damn people with self-control. Well, my lack of determination makes me me. Finished the crushed pineapple–I must say I am so sick of that fruit. Revolting. I’m headbanging to “Blue,” I can’t wait to play it on the sound system of Molly’s new SUV–oh crap, or MY OWN CAR!!!!! I can’t get used to that phrase. I think I’m going to like so fall in love with my car–I want to sleep in it one night, it’ll be like my treehouse. I love headbanging now, I have enough hair to do it! I can’t wait until it gets insanely long, I’m NEVER cutting it. Randomness:
[to the tune of conjunction junction] “Vagina junction, what’s your function–taking in sperm and spittin’ out babies.”
Must get a little boombox to put in my bathroom, I hate not listening to music–I want to listen to music like every second of the morning–even the shower.
I love this song–”Waking Up” by Elastica
“I’d work very hard but I’m lazy
I can’t take the pressure and it’s starting to show
In my heart you know that it pains me
A life of leisure is no life you know
Waking up and getting up has never been easy,
Oh, oh, I think you should know
Make a cup of tea, and put a record on”
That song is so me! I can’t get up in the morning without music–I can’t do much without music–music is my drug. And in the world of music addictions I’m a heroin addict. I think I spend more time with my headphones on than with them off. I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning–to clean–to do anything without music. Hmm. I use music to calm myself in stressful situations as well, and to escape reality. It’s the all-purpose drug.
Katie is online, I feel tempted to instant message her and ask her why Andrew and her broke up and what he said the reason was. I hate being so cynical. Even now the spectres of doubt are creeping in on my memories of him. Fuck the world. I’m going to hold on to my romantic dreams no matter whether people really are using me. I wonder if he just got bored. That’s what Jessica said that his main reason for breaking up with people was. I was kind of feeling it too–except when he held me. Time will tell, if he’s going out with some new bimbo soon I’ll know I didn’t mean anything to him. Seeing Jon this break will be theraputic. He was ugly last time I saw him–but that was two years ago. I can only hope–but I know he’ll be ugly. And stupid. I hope he doesn’t think anything is going to happen. Fuck. I just saw the ticket stub and bus ticket from when Andrew and I went to the movies. Fucking fuck. I’m never going to find someone to love me as totally as I want to love someone. I would always joke with Andrew about our end, like i would smell his deodorant and say “you know, in a few months I’ll just be going into department stores to smell this deodorant and then go into the bathroom and masturbate,” it’s kind of amusing that it was true–not the department store thing but the inevitable breakup. He told me that for months before we hooked up he used to masturbate thinking about me and him having sex–but I so can’t do that–I can like only jerk off thinking about sexual acts that have already taken place. I like, never masturbated when we were going out–which was weird–actually having another person to fulfill my sexual needs–but now that we’re not I’m doing it a lot more than normal–I guess it’s kind of like making up for all the nights that we just held each other. It’s kind of weird–to picture us having sex without wondering “was that all it was?” I can safely say no–but then my brain goes “gosh, were you giving him an STD or vice versa” and I’m like–angry. Fuck everything. Hmm, I feel like I have a fever. It’s kind of hot in here. Or I have a fever. Jared and I were at his girlfriend’s house and I commented for some reason “I’m dying” and she got all disturbed and I said “We’re all dying.” Kathy got back a while ago, she was gone like all day–she got lots of food, I just finished putting it all away and organizing the kitchen. There’s some more stuff to do but I’m going to finsh this post before I do. We have so much food now, I had to rearrange stuff to fit it all into the refrigerator. Well, think I found out why it’s so hot in here, Kelly left the oven on. I turned it off. Well, there’s more stuff to do in the kitchen, I’m going to post this and go in there and organize.
