> No Doubt - It’s My Life

Damn No Doubt and their insipid pop anthems–they’re so catchy. Well, I started feeling worse around twelve, I started watching The Silence of the Lambs and abandoned it to take a hot bath. My dad came home, and I got dressed. We went driving for a few hours, we went all over, from the end of Lower Lake all around Moseley and Moorehead–down Lake Earl Drive to Vipond, and a bunch of streets in between. I feel like a much better driver now. I ate a bagel, but my gums hurt from chewing it. Asshole is watching his stupid “political” shows on TV. They’re comparing Saddam to Stalin and Hitler. Please. I have a brain. Whoa, that’s weird. I had a bloody nose–a bloody booger just came out of my nose. How strange. I feel like I should be doing something, but I know not what. Hmm. The day just doesn’t seem like a day without the vitriolic splendor of Danielle’s hate e-mails. Oh well. Maybe the bloody booger was a good substitute for Danielle. I think so. I don’t remember the last thing that she said–some melodramatic thing about getting the bike back from the people she lent it to and something about riding it back because she doesn’t have a car. Hmm, perhaps I should reread that message. Oh yeah, it’s the one where she called me a “betty.” Lol. I didn’t even know that was an epithet before she used it in that context. She’ll supposedly be e-mailing me whenever she gets the bike back. And, of course, she’s insinuating that it’s my fault that she has to go through this ordeal to get it back. It may just be me, but you don’t fucking loan things to other people that were loaned to you. So much for trust. Whatever. Lisa’s here. The time is ripe for my interrogation of dad. I can see the look on her face when I pose the qestion “So why are you kicking me out, Dad?” Mouhahahahaha. My mom has been so supportive though, she called twice today. I’m going to recommend that my dad and I go back to therapy. Hm. I think I’m going to have a snack and maybe write an e-mail or two.

Eh, I’m feeling somewhat worse–I don’t think I have the stamina for e-mails today. I’m off to take a nap.

> Rammstein - Ich Will
> Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams
> Tool - Forty Six & Two
> :wumpscut: - Witches’ Dance
> Placebo - Scared Of Girls
> Coldplay - Yellow
> Bjork - Army Of Me
> Moby - Landing

Yesterday after school Jordan and I drove around for a while, he had his friend from beauty school in the car, we went around and got supplies for the gunea pig that she was giving him (it was going to be a hamster, but somehow plans changed). After that we went to Wal-Mart and I stocked up on drugs (and I got Jordan a hamster ball). He needed to get these drawer things for his school, but they were out. I was going to get him a little clock for his car (we never know what time it is when we’re driving around) but they were out of those too–I was so disappointed, Wal-Mart is the biggest retailer in the world–a well-oiled machine, but they said that we’d have to wait three weeks for the drawers. Lame. Well, we then went over to Kevin’s to get my retainers I left there the night before. We’d called him earlier and he said he was having “family night” and couldn’t have anyone over. Strangely, his family was asleep and he was watching a movie. Hmm. We then went over to Ben’s (around the corner) and we drove around with him for a while.

It turns out that Kevin was trying to get Ben to go with him, Royce, and Jaron (Royce’s ex) to the river and get drunk. Ben can’t stand Kevin–Ben is very attractive and stylish, and Kevin is obese and unkempt. Kevin wants to go out with Ben, but it would NEVER happen–he wants to hang out with Ben all the time too, it’s sad, and Ben says that Kevin just stares at Ben when he comes over to hang out. Creepy. And they never do anything, they just watch TV. Well, we took Ben home and Jordan took me home. I’ve been kind of feeling strangely towards Jordan. It’s like he’s such a stanchion of my life now, we spend so much time together, that life without him would be completely and utterly different. Well, I attempted to brush my teeth (it hurt so much, my gums have been bleeding and painfully oversensitive for the past few days) and then I went to bed. I woke up at six to my alarm from nightmares of my dad beating me up and saying the most cruel things imaginable. I soon realized that I was too sick to go to school–I only have biology today anyway, and it’s not a lab day. Shoot, I was going to ask my teacher about the lab binders today. Oh well. I can’t leave the house, I’m exhausted and sick.

Thankfully, my mom called me on her lunch break and I felt so much better after talking to her. This whole thing about my dad kicking me out is bullshit. He can’t get rid of me. It was my dad’s idea to move to this fucking place where I had no friends for years, my mother and I had to suffer horribly all those years. I’m not leaving. This is my home too. And the rediculous thing is that I’m doing everything that the asshole wants. He’s such a fucker. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was just about me not doing the dishes that one night. Today I went out to see if the $3 tape deck worked–it had a different connector than mine. Oh well. I drove my car around the yard, it was fun. Then I went inside and made myself some eggs and tea–I was actually able to eat the eggs! I haven’t been able to eat in days, so this is amazing. I still have my raging sore throat, white sores and bleeding gums, but the stomach thing being over is glorious. My gums hurt so much I can only eat mushy foods–I can’t even brush my teeth. Oh well. Off to check the e-mail–oh cool, one from Kelly and one from Molly. LOL, Kelly was amused by the Christine e-mail. “Why would she make a PUBLIC journal if she did not want anyone to read it?” I’m glad I’m not the only sane person in the world.

I so need to write e-mails, I haven’t felt well enough to do it until today. I’ve been downloading the new version of MSN messenger, once that’s done I’ll get into the writing mode. Yay, it just finished. Now to install it…. How freaking lame, it looks exactly like the previous version. Whatever. Okay, off to read Molly’s e-mail. Hmm. She’s right about the Danielle situation. I realize now that the reason I was disappointed in Christine was becuase Danielle was sending me e-mails on Christine’s behalf, putting words in her mouth. I should have been smarter and realized that Danielle was just trying to get me to hate Christine. How pathetic. I guess hateful, vindictive people have to try to keep all their “friends” by any means necessary. Another morsel of amusement is that Danielle has been calling me all these homophobic epithets, which is HIDEOUSLY AMUSING because Danielle is bisexual. Molly says I should see a doctor as soon as possible. She’s right, but I have no insurance and my dad pays 100 times more attention to his horse than to me. I think I’d kill it if he kicked me out. My mom put it very eloquently “He failed as a husband, now he’s failing as a father.” So true. I must say I’ve never hated anyone more than him. He would let his own son die rather than take me to the doctor, but at the faintest sign of something wrong with his horse, he’ll rush it up to the vet at somewhere around $500 a whack. I hate him so much. Well, off to write e-mails.