Read The Trial for a while, I’m decidedly sleepy. But I’m too hungry to sleep. Damn my destitute nature. I need money. I’m a freaking college student, I need money. Something my mom has been talking about is “who is going to support this car?” I’m beginning to see her point. That thing is a bit of a gas guzzler, and I don’t have any money for food, let alone gas. Goddamn my father. He’s such an ignoramus. I want food. I’m going to have Jordan get me food somehow. Only two dollars–actually like $1.50 for a huge roll of French bread. I need to steal some food money from my dad, but I haven’t had an opportunity yet–and as a criminal mastermind I am NOT going to get sloppy. I will starve before I’ll pilfer with the chance of getting caught. It’s just change anyway, and if he wasn’t Scrooge, he’d fucking give me lunch money. Fuckhead. Well, at least the car is registered in my name. I have a home on wheels if Asshole decides to kick me out. I am SO HUNGRY. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I just want some fucking food. And I have to stay here until nine. God fucking damn it, I was so looking forward to open lab night and now I’m not going to be able to do anything because I’m crippled with hunger. Fucking fuck. I’m very angry. And I need to come up with $2.00. Fuck.

I was reading Tara’s blog, I wrote her an e-mail. She was wondering if I’d loan her books. I love loaning people books. Well, actually I like talking with people after they’ve read something good ten times more than the actual act of loaning. So anyway. I think I’m going to retire to the outside world to read The Trial. Jordan is supposed to show up at five, I must remember to get my books from his car.

I’m realizing more and more how much I hate people. The entire computer room is filled with people, not one free machine. Fuck people. Just got out of American Institutions, I got an A on the test I took Tuesday. Daniela and I had so much fun. There was a gun control question and I was all (in a Charlton Heston voice) “Out of my cold dead hands,” which she’d said the first time she heard the question. It was uber-fun. I read Kafka’s The Trial all through Religions of the World, pausing now and then to jot down a note or two when his droning voice seemed to expound something noteworthy. It’s such a great book, Daniela was impressed that I was reading it. We had some great jokes.

Mr. Owen “You see, before September 11th, states were contracting out their airport security out to ‘Whack ‘n Look Security’”
Daniela: “Wouldn’t it be look and then whack?”
Me: “No, that’s the second part of their buisiness plan–right now it’s whack first and ask questions later.”

SIX PEOPLE FAILED THE TEST. Daniela and I were flabbergasted. We both got As. I told her about the rant I wrote on the open-ended question on my Biology test, she thought it was hilarious. I hope to god I get that test back, I can’t wait to post that rant. OH! Week before last in photography I made a photogram of one of the letters we’d been writing back and forth in Religions OTW, I finally showed it to her today, she LOVED it. She was kind of confused for a second, then realized what it was and laughed. I think I’m going to do a collage photogram of our notes. I think I used a 5.6 aperture at nine seconds to make that one. I should I have written it on the back. Oh well. I can always do a test strip. Tonight is open lab in photography, I can’t wait. I hope everybody but the dedicated people leave really soon, so I can develop my film and make a bunch of prints after it’s done. I think a big feature of the new version of my website will be my photography portfolio. I love photography.

Oh, I went in here to type something clever I thought of. On the phone last night, Jordan was all “I guess waiting makes the heart grow fonder.” And I thought to myself ten minutes ago “Waiting makes me realize you’re an ignoramus.” I thought that was so clever. But then again I think that most of what I think is clever. No, I really don’t. Oh, Daniela and I are going to go to the Brookings library tomorrow, I can’t wait. She’s all “I’m sick of all these dumb people, we need to go to a real library to work on our term papers.” And I’m all “I heard there was a good library in Brookings,” so she’s all “Let’s go.” So I think we’re going to go. I’m going to steal some change from my dad and go to that Judy’s Resale place Molly was talking about. As much as it used to bore me, I’m starting to love The Trial. It’s so crazy…it’s so Kafkaesque. Tonight I’m going to retrieve my books from Jordan’s trunk. I am going to be very angry if they are in a bad condition. Yay, can’t wait for photo lab. I must get working on things, namely my term papers and my article for the Drift.

I have no fucking idea what’s going on in the Drift. Do they want my article? When the fuck do they meet? When is/was the deadline? When is layout? When do they print? Do they even want my help? They’d fucking better. I’m getting graded on Sam’s incompetence.

> Hole - Violet
> Placebo - Slackerbitch
> Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away)
> Marilyn Manson - The Last Day On Earth
> Marilyn Manson - Kiddie Grinder

“The Last Day On Earth” is a good song. It’s sad. Kind of how I feel right now. I don’t get love–I finally find someone that I can really love, but I’m bored out of my mind. Is it eletist to break up with someone because they don’t read? I’d almost rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t get me. Yes, that was an allusion to The Good Girl. Hm. Boring. I’m supposed to see him today. I’m going to get lipstick all over him, lol. I have to say I look good in black lipstick. There’s a great quote in the library today:

“Half of the American people have never voted for president, and half of the American people have never read a newspaper. One hopes it’s not the same half”

–Gore Vidal

I like Gore Vidal, although I’ve never read anything he’s written. Well, actually that’s not true, he wrote an introduction to Of Human Bondage. Tawna is sitting across from me in the little computer cloister. The computers are in the way. I can only see the tip top of her head.

Last night I ate dinner, washed the dishes, wrote a blog post, and retired to my room to read around seven. I was exhausted. I’d finished Cat’s Cradle before my blog post, so I started reading Franz Kafka’s The Trial again. It’s getting kind of good. I have an anthology of Kafka’s short stories, but the first one was really confusing, so I never started it. I only got it because it had “The Metamorphosis” in it. Hm. I went to sleep around eight, woke up around ten, went back to sleep–woke up again around six. I think I had weird dreams, but nothing too nightmarish. Got ready for school, did my makeup, ate, and twenty minutes later I was in the Drift Office. I was going to work on my story, but the damn Internet didn’t work, so I dragged out my Religions of the World book and started reading. I swear, that author guy says in seven sentences what I could say in one word. But I guess that’s how he gets the big bucks. Ah, I see Mr. Hatfield and the other cronies from the High School. What assholes. I hope they die painful deaths. Like Cancer. Well, Mr. Hadfield’s wife died of cancer, I think. Or she went crazy–something like that. He got his just desserts. (in Nelson from the Simpsons voice) “HA HA.”

Anyway, I have class in an hour. I’m really bored.

“Did you pray to Jesus on that?”
“Yeah, Jesus says take it to the hole!”

Lol. I amuse myself. Perhaps I shouldn’t do it for the world to read. Hmm. Oh yeah, Kelly e-mailed me. I have a reply window open, maybe I should do that instead of jabbering to myself. Typing to myself is like—textual masturbation. Oh, I read the coolest thing in my Religions OTW book, Freud says that God is just a repressed infantile father image. That makes so much sense! Props to you, Freud. I don’t know what that means, but MTV tells me that I will be cool if I say it becuase black people are cool and they say it. I really do amuse myself. “Props.” It makes me smile. Other things I say that make me smile:

Fuck MTV.
It’s because they’re gay.
How homosexual.
This is the best movie ever!
This is the best song ever!
OMG, you listen to Nine Inch Nails?
You listen to Manson too?
Fuck you, Starr/Ashley

Oh, Starr called me last night, she moved to Eureka. THANK THE FUCKING GODS. I love that she’s gone. And I heard Ashley moved to Chico. Mouhahahahaha. The world really isn’t as cruel as I always imagined it to be. There’s Mr. Hatfield again, I want to run up to go him and do a dance around him chanting “Dead wife, dead wife, ha ha ha ha ha ha.” But that would be incredibly rude. But also incredibly amusing–well, to me. God, I amuse myself. Off to write Kelly back.