This really sucks. I can either drop, get at “W” on my transcript, ruin my GPA, and piss my dad off that I’m only taking three classes–or I can stay in the class and take a D or an F. Fuck. And I’d have to pay for the class again if I want to audit it. Fuck. I’m going to die. I should e-mail the teacher. But I can’t. I can’t talk to people. Hm. I’m going to fail in every endeavour I undertake. I am shit. Hey, it won’t be too bad. I’ll just lie to my dad and say I got a B. He’s too dumb to figure out the truth anyway, and he can’t get access to my grades without my permission anyway. I should just resign myself to my fate. I really like that class! I wish so bad that I didn’t start two weeks late. I’m going to see if Molly is in her office.

Read until 1AM, woke up at eight to my dad accosting me to get out of bed. He’d said the night before that he was leaving around nine thirty, so the night before I’d set my alarm for eight thirty. He comes back at 8:25, telling me to get out of bed and that it’s 8:30. It was NOT 8:30. I hate him so much. And THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE NEXT DOOR THAT KEEPS SHOOTING HIS GUN OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ALL FUCKING DAY LONG was doing it again this morning. I HATE THAT INCONSIDERATE IMBECILE NEXT DOOR. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. So now I’m in the Drift office, it’s ten in the morning, and Molly hasn’t e-mailed me back. I want to read more of Valley of the Dolls, but I am too tired. I’m going to take a nap until twelve, Mr. Mize’s office hours start then. Gotta take care of buisiness. Gotta drop the class. I am very disappointed in that “B or B-” I got for my midterm grade in Photography. That depressed me so badly. I put so much time and energy into that–and that’s all I get? A fucking B-? And she didn’t even tell me how she wanted me to improve, she just said that I printed things badly. Badly? Holy fuck. The untold blasphemies of other people that I’ve seen in the developing tray–shittily cropped images done without even a test strip–what the fuck? I get a B-? Fuck. If those other insipid fucks in my class (especially that inept Amy) got similar grades–one word: KILL. Off to nap.

Called Jordan, he was doing something to his brakes so that’s why he didn’t show up. I got my photography portfolio back and I got a “B or B-.” Loser. That really depressed me. I put so much effort into my photos. Bitch. I was depressed, and I didn’t have my photo paper, so I just went home. Nicole and Pat went home too, Nicole was sick. Freaking Diane gave a 40-minute lecture on how she was going to do a lecture on matting next class period. The irony envelops me. Oh, Jordan got me those yummy frosted circus animal cookies–delicious. Oh, we went to second bridge to look at some cave or something, it was a complete waste of gas because it was dark by the time we got there. Oh well. The cave was really dumb. I guess the Jordan scene is different now, he was pissing me off but I’m not mad at him any more. Right when I reach the point of no more stupidity, he’ll appease me by reading some more of Brave New World. He hasn’t even gotten past the introductory scene with the Director and the students. Lame. Well, my left hand hurts now when I type, so I’m going to have to end this soon. I wrote Molly an e-mail and IMed Kelly a bit. OMG!!! They’re kicking John 5 out of Marilyn Manson! First Twiggy, then John 5–who’s going to be left? Scum fuck. Off to read Valley of the Dolls.

> Hocico - Silent Wrath
> Marilyn Manson - Coma White

Got an A on my PoliSci test. Daniela wasn’t there, for some strange reason. Maybe she slept in. Afterwards I dawdled in the Drift office reading Perfume, alternating between that and watching the card games in the student lounge. I finished Perfume, and to my dismay it was a glorious book. I’m beginning to loathe books that I only like because of the last ten pages. Perfume would have been rediculously stupid without the ending, but somehow the ending redeemed all that was banal. I have to say that in retrospect it is a good book, but not while reading it. Talked to that one Kerf girl for a while, she’s really cool. She wants me to come to literary club. It meets at twelve on Fridays, but I don’t have classes Fridays, so it’s going to have to wait until I get my driver’s license. I’m very ambivalent about Perfume, but part four was unlike anything I’d ever read. I have to grudgingly admit that it was a good book, but only in gestalt. My hair is getting long enough so it’s getting in my eyes, a very strange phenomenon. I’ve decided to have it chemically straightened. I think I’m going to have it done at Jordan’s school. I need him to find out how much it is. Photography (the class I’ve been longing for since spring break started) is in about twenty mintues. Jordan hasn’t showed up, so I’m going to amble over to the photo lab again and see what’s going on. Oh shit–SHIT!!! I forgot my paper!!! Motherfuck! I am not a morning person. The world sucks. I must find Jordan so I can get to my house and back before lab starts (impossible, but a worthy goal). Eww, the librarian lady got a new haircut–short–it looks horrible. And the other old librarian lady dyed her white hair a reddish color–revolting. Well, I should go.

Well, I feel dumb. Went to Religions of the World, and then realized he told us last week that we weren’t having class today. Loserishness. Now I’m going to have to wait until eleven for PoliSci. I’m actually awake today, it’s such a shame. I think I’m going to go into the Drift Office and endeavour to finish Perfume as soon as possible so I can delve wholeheartedly into Valley of the Dolls.