Oh my god–Tara wrote the nicest thing ever in her blog about me–that completely made my day. Oh, we get our PoliSci tests back today, I hope we did well.

> Placebo - I Know

I was able to sleep in to glorious 8:00 today. I got to drive to school, which was cool. Damn rhymes. I saw Richie and Rachel Fair as I was driving up, they were holding hands. Hmm. I love spying on people. I read more of Perfume last night. The more I read, the more disturbed I am about Jared. Right now in the book, Grenoille, the main character, is in this cave in the middle of a mountain because he hates the smell of people, he only leaves the cave to strangle a snake to eat or to lick this little stream of water. Fucking weird. Tawna is in the computer lab. She’s blogging too. I think I’m going to go read her and Tara’s entries from when I last read them to the present.

> Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
> Rammstein - Du Hast
> Weezer - Undone [the sweater song]
> Elastica - All Nighter

Life is a sucking, spiralling black abyss of insipid banality. Life is the opposite of Deja Vu–it’s Jamais Vu, where everything is the same and nothing changes, but it just feels like you’re doing new things. People struggle on, all in vain, trudging blindly up the neverending hill that just ends in their own destruction. Everything is blindingly cold and there’s never any way out. I would say the only escape is death, but that’s not true. Even in death I will be decomposed and my carbon compounds reformed into generation after generation of this mold growing on our planet, our “biosphere.” I can’t wait until the sun explodes. I would feel a tremendous wave of happiness roll over me as the shock wave approached, vaporizing every shred of human existence, wiping the mold clean via all-encompassing glorious entropy. Depressing. I should go read. Someone who loves me should read J.G. Ballard’s Rushing to Paradise. He explains the yearning for nuclear destruction more than I can. “Du Hast” is a glorious song. I haven’t listened to it for a long time. I want to watch The City of Lost Children, but I don’t own it. They have it at Spotlight, but only on VHS, and I don’t have a tape player. That movie is the best movie ever. I love Ron Perlman in that role. I wish I was French, German, or Italian, I want to live in Paris, Rome, London, Vienna, Berlin, Venice, Prague–and maybe Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Delhi, Helsinki, Madrid, Lisbon, Zurich–definitely Zurich, Kuala Lumpur, Lisbon, and perhaps Milan. I’ve wasted so much of my life already. I want to be a wealthy 1800s aristocrat, draping myself in silk, reading out of my immense library every day, and talking of international politics and philosophy in the upscale coffee houses of Prague, Paris, and Berlin. Damn my American ancestry. Why did they move here in the first place–god. Well, I suppose I’d be raising the pig in the little Italian village of Calabria if it wasn’t for my ancestors’ emigration, but still. Life sucks when you’re not a cosmopolitan European. Damn fate.

Around Christmas I used to do X-mas list posts, but I think I’m going to do one now just because I want stuff, and I can hope in vain that perhaps the tentrils of the internet will bring these these precious items closer to my sanctum.

Gattaca: DVD
Sigmund Freud - Civilization and It’s Discontents: Book
Hocico - Odio Bajo el Alma: CD
Suicide Commando - Mind Strip: CD
:wumpscut: - Embryodead: CD
The Tenant: DVD
Eyes Wide Shut: DVD
J.G. Ballard - Concrete Island: Book
Nowhere: movie, a bit obscure, not sure of format
eXistenZ: DVD
Amelie: DVD
Cube: DVD
The City of Lost Children: DVD
La Femme Nikita: DVD

Ah, I wish I had enough money to behold of such treasures. Obscure and foreign films, Industrial CDs, and philosophical books–what else could one ask for? Damn my lack of cash. Hm. I spilled superglue on my thumb. I keep smelling it, it smells weird. Good, my dad went to bed. I can now see if anything good is on TV. I’m going straight to IFC.

> Marilyn Manson - mOBSCENE
> Daft Punk - Around The World
> Placebo - My Sweet Prince

Talked to my mom, she is such an imbecile. But she’s buying me film (yay!) so I guess I’ll have to conceal my derision. In light of my recent trip to the bookstore in Arcata, I’m revamping my always extensive Amazon.com wishlist. I’m currently drooling over Hocico’s Odio Bajo el Alma. It has the glorious song “Odio en el Alma,” on it, but I’ve never heard any of the others. I’ve never heard a song by Hocico that I didn’t like, so I’m sure the CD couldn’t be too bad. I super-glued Jordan’s shifting panel thing together, it looks cool. I’ve taken to using MSN’s dial-up accelerator, it really works. Go MSN! I’ve loathed their service (more like lack of it) for years. I’m explaining to my cousin Kelly about my Biology quandary. Well, at least due to this malady I’m able to use more good vocabulary. Well, I usually use good vocabulary anyway, so I should stop looking for the silver lining of this cloud. Hm, my dad says he’s not going into work tomorrow, so I can sleep in and get a ride at nine. Sweet. That’s a silver lining if I ever saw one. More REM sleep–ahh. I love REM sleep more than sex. If only there was a drug to sink the mind into REM sleep, I would be on one continuous trip until the day I died. Well, I’m off to chat with Kelly more then I’m off to read Valley of the Dolls. I finished One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest this weekend, and it mildly depressed me. I wanted to write a blog post, but it was like three in the morning and I didn’t feel like turning on the crappy computer in my room, nor going to the good computer in the living room. Perhaps I’ll publish excerpts from me and Kelly’s conversation. She made this cool swastika emoticon for MSN messenger. So creative. I made her send me the picture for it. God damn my carpal tunnel shit, I need a brace for my other hand. I should go. I’m off to have a snack and read.