Hm, Tara dropped all her classes except one (College Skills or something like that). That’s kind of sad. Um, hung out with Jordan last night, my dad wasn’t home so we had uber-fun. Watched Dahmer–it was so sad. I just can’t help falling in love with serial killers. They’re so sensitive and loving in their own way. Hm. I wonder if that’s weird. I’m supposed to be doing stuff for the newspaper, but they’re not going to be back until like seven so I can waste time and eat baby carrots to my heart’s content. I’m really thirsty, but there’s no water around here. I should get one of those big gallon things of water for the office. Oh, I was going to go to The Purple Cat today and get some clothes, but I don’t think I have enough money for anything, and I’m lazy. I should make an appointment at the clinic. I have no excuses now, I have the money, I can drive. I just don’t want to go alone. Fuck. I need to get started on this crap. Eh, I have hours to do it. Tawna, me, and this other girl went for ice cream yesterday, it was fun. I should get started. I worked on my page all yesterday, it’s pretty much done, but all the other pages have all these problems.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 14, 2004 – 3:23 pm
- Author:
- By A.
Crap. Haven’t blogged in an entire week. I think that I’m not doing it because I actually have hobbies now, like photography…and I can drive now! It’s great. I stopped by the beach yesterday and got some beautiful shots of the sun and the waves and Point St. George. Hm. I’m blogging at about the same intervals as Tara. I wonder if she’ll be in PoliSci today. I haven’t seen her in a while–we have class in ten minutes, she should be here somewhere. Hmm. I just saw the Miller’s Market hottie. That’s what I’m going to call him from now on. Eww…Natasha is jiggling her way over here. Daniela is studying for a math test with Josh in the library here. She’s ditching Religions and PoliSci because she might be passing math. I would do the same thing. I have kind of a cute outfit today. It’s very–petulant nazi schoolboy post-Indstrial glam Hot Topic. Oops, delete the glam–I didn’t have time to do my make-up this morning. Josh is very attractive. I can see him making his mocking voice. It’s a funny mocking voice. Daniela’s mocking voice is her impression of old authority figures. Mine is sometimes squeaky and high-pitched but it’s mostly an impression of my dad, because that’s who I mock most. Oh, I took a picture of me and my mom’s old house yesterday. It was a horrible picture in the way of composition, but it showed the depths our cool house sunk. I’ll scan it and send it to my mom once I develop the film. Must go to class and see if Tara is here.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 13, 2004 – 11:05 am
- Author:
- By A.
Just finished Valley of the Dolls–it was SO depressing. I…just… Ick. Ick is all I can say. So the philosophical lesson is that in order to not love a Taggart I’d have to be spun out on pills to inure myself to his flings. Oh my fucking god. Why does life have to be so cruel? God damn. But, on a high note, that Carrie girl was in here, she’s cool. She asked me if I was into knitting. I’m not, but I might join the group to get closer to her. She’s one of the coolest people I’ve known. Oh, maybe I could knit some armwarmers. That would be cool. Maybe I’ll go. If I pass my test tomorrow I’ll be able to go wherever I want. I go driving at four–in about a half hour. I’ll walk over at 3:45 and listen to music/read in the car for a while. The high school is on spring break, it’s so dead here. Ah, I might start Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities! That might break my pattern of depressing books. I checked it out last week, I haven’t started on it yet. Well–I read the first two chapters last year (and I remember them, which is scary). I wanted to reread Brave New World today, but I didn’t have time. I have Nirvana stuck in my head. Maybe I’ll head on over to the Drift office and get my CD player and walk around the nature trail. That seems like a good plan. I devoted myself to finishing Freud’s The Future of an Illusion today, but I don’t really feel like it. I can do it when I get home. After all, Jordan isn’t coming over–well maybe he is. We should study. But in the interim even if he does come over I can probably finish it. I only have like thirty or forty pages left.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 7, 2004 – 3:27 pm
- Author:
- By A.
I have this gigantic bloody hangnail–it looks so grotesque. And my ear has been ringing all day for no reason. My hair has been falling out for months–I’m falling apart at the seams. Those three hours of reading Valley of the Dolls didn’t help either. But I wandered around and finally found myself at Molly’s office, she lent me two books, the literature book that we’ll be using in English 1B, and a book on popular culture with a chapter of essays on anti-intellectualism (how the government and media glorify stupidity). So life is cool. I want some orange juice, but I have no money. Perhaps I’ll go and take another drink out of the faucet.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 7, 2004 – 12:13 pm
- Author:
- By A.
> Nirvana – Something In The Way
I’m almost through with Valley of the Dolls and I am really really really really really depressed. I just want to have a good cry, but I’m at school. There’s no avoiding it. Lyon Burke is Taggart. I want to cry. Why does every good book have to be so profoundly depressing? GOD DAMN. Fuck everyone. All my friends are gone, I don’t have class for another hour and a half. I’m going to die. Stuck here for another hour and a half after class. There’s nothing to do except read this infernal book. I hate everything.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 7, 2004 – 11:45 am
- Author:
- By A.
> Orgy – 107
I’m sitting here hibernating in the Drift office again. It’s 8:40. Let’s see–yesterday Jordan took his car into the shop, they gave him this quote for like $400, but Pat looked at it and said that he just needs new brake pads. Those fucks at Les Schwab try to screw everyone over. I burned Tawna a copy of Mechanical Animals, but it didn’t finish before I had to leave. I drove here this morning, that was kind of cool. I had Nirvana’s “Lithium” on repeat during the drive here. I think it annoyed my dad, but I kept reminiscing about this one day where Casey and me sat in the smoke box and sang a song to the tune of “Lithium” for like an hour and a half about whatever was going on. That was such a cool day. I think she was high, but it was cool anyway. I’ve been reading Valley of the Dolls today, that’s the reason I started this post. There is this very poignant passage I wanted to quote:
“Anne felt sad. People parted, years passed, they met again–and the meeting proved no reunion, offered no warm memores, only the acid knowledge that time had passed and things weren’t as bright or attractive as they had once been.”
How depressing. I wish there was more to say, but there isn’t. My stupid carpal tunnel crap has been acting up again, and I can’t write the people I care about e-mails. I only have fifty minutes left on my phone card, thanks to Mindy. Perhaps I’ll call Kelly when I get home today. I won’t have to bother with Jordan today, I hope I remember to call. I’m going driving today after my dad gets off of work at four. Since Jordan didn’t show up at the beauty school yesterday they left a message on his machine saying he’s skating on very thin ice. He doesn’t care. He told me a while ago that you have to be there every day or they kick you out, and now he’s saying they can go screw themselves. Ms. Vega hates him because he’s going out with me–he underestimates her zeal. They’ll kick him out of the school, then his parents will kick him out, then his goose will be cooked, so to speak. He’d have to get a job, apply for financial aid, and go to community college. I sincerely doubt he’d make it, but I’ve never been in a class with him. He studies diligently, so that’s one thing in his favor. Nine tenths of most grades are busy work. However, if he can’t write essays, do college-level research, or read books, he’s going to be out of luck when it comes to many classes, especially transfer-level English. Hm.
Valley of the Dolls is beckoning me as it sits right by the keyboard. I have a feeling from the snatches I’m reading as I glance at it that this part is going to be very poignant. More later.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 7, 2004 – 9:04 am
- Author:
- By A.
I just saw the sorta-hot obviously gay guy that used to work at Miller’s market. He’s sorta hot. I’m bored. My eyes are dry. Perhaps I’ll put some visine for contacts in them. I can’t stand those obese women with rolling backpacks. They should all be excecuted. I’ve seen Sam (the editor) quite a few times today. He seems busy. I’m not busy. I’m lazy. I’m officially going to put in some visine. That feels kinda good. Refreshing. Someone is wearing perfume, it smells delicious. I wish everybody marinated in perfume, it’s very pleasant. It’s 9:12. I wonder if Daniela got out of Psychology yet. Today I noticed the shelf of philosophy books above the computer that Tawna usually sits at. They have Friedrich Nietzche’s Beyond Good and Evil and some stuff by Kant. Perhaps I’ll read Nietzche. He couldn’t be any worse than the ramblings of Baudrillard. I’m going to get more of Baudrillard’s ramblings though, they are very interesting. Ah, the sorta-hot guy is back. Actually, I’m promoting him to hot. I need to stop staring. He caught me staring once, but he couldn’t know if it was staring or if it was a “who is that person walking into the room” glance. So I must not stare again or he’ll think I’m eye-shopping. Which of course I am. I feel bad for Jordan, he had to sit outside his house for like three hours this morning. I’m going to delude myself into thinking he dug out Brave New World and sat there reading. 9:17. Only a few more minutes. I’m dreading this class. I’m going to have another drink of water and see if Daniela’s Psychology class is over. Kevin’s brother is here. He’s kind of cool, I guess. I see him around the college a lot. He’s complimenting my typing skills. Mmm…I’m ogling Mr. Hottie. Hm…Kevin’s brother was homeless. How weird. He’s telling me the story. I should stop blogging.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 6, 2004 – 9:22 am
- Author:
- By A.
Um, I can’t check my e-mail today–something is wrong with Hotmail. Jordan and I kind of fell asleep after we went to my house and woke up around 4AM. Some other stuff happened, but I’m too tired to blog about it now. I have Religions of the World at 9:30, in an hour. Tawna is in here, she dyed her hair. It looks good. I’m wearing my kilt, boots, and contacts today–I’m in my “I’m going to look good no matter how uncomfortable I am” mode. I’m tired–Jordan went home around 4:40, I stayed up and read Valley of the Dolls until six, when my alarm went off. It’s getting good, she fell in love. Lyon Burke seems very analagous to Taggart. I’m not wearing anything except for my boxers underneath my kilt (usually I wear pants under it) and it feels so–freeing. It’s great. And I’m able to see crystal-clear with my contacts. I’m in love with today. However, I do have to stay here until 9:00 tonight–these boots will really be hurting then. Perhaps not, but they will be. Especially after standing for the three hours of lab. Hm, maybe she’ll actually teach us something *stifled laugh.* She never teaches us anything. I hope Mr. Freneau doesn’t bore me to death today. I’m not looking forward to another tiring and tedious lecture on Buddhism. Oh, I wore my nihilist shirt yesterday and a few people (including one of the library ladies) asked me what it meant. I feel so smart–it’s sad. I wish everybody wasn’t dumb. I will have an orgasm when I go to a real university and somebody comes up and says:
“Since nihilism advances the viewpoint that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated, why are you going to college?”
But–nobody’s that smart around here. I hope Liz shows up today so we’ll have some entertainment. I’m going to show Daniela that photogram I made of the map of Venice. It looks so cool. I’m making more progress on my website, but I haven’t gotten it to the point where I can burn it on a CD and upload it. I still need to tweak the templatea little bit before it’ll be ready for content. Hm. 8:47. I’m thirsty–I’m going to walk out to the water faucet and have a drink.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 6, 2004 – 8:47 am
- Author:
- By A.
I’m typing this in Biology lab–everybody’s gone and we got this strange handout with all these URLs on it. Nobody’s here and I didn’t have the cohones to talk to Mr. Mize. I loathe talking with people. And it would have just been a sob story anyway. Ah, here he is. Not many people are in the lab. I think everybody left. This is a cool computer, it has an adjustable keyboard tray and a flat screen. It’s attached to our lab station. Hmm…I talked to Molly today, we kind of touched on Daniela. I’m having a weirdness with Daniela. I think she’s running from her problems to take English 1B in Eureka simply because she doesn’t like Molly. Well, I shouldn’t judge. Maybe Molly really is crazy and Daniela has had some experiences I haven’t had, although I’ve known Molly the exact same amount of time Daniela’s known her, and I don’t think Molly is crazy at all. Talkative? Yes. Manipulative? Maybe. But definitely not crazy. Everybody has character flaws. I know I definitely have my fair share. Hm, my lab partners are back. We were lamenting earlier about the horribly uncomfortable lab stools. They are very hard metal and almost impossible to adjust. Mr. Mize just came over and embarassed me. I must go.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 5, 2004 – 2:51 pm
- Author:
- By A.
I haven’t posted in a week. I guess I just don’t care about blogging any more. So I’m going to die without a record of what happened in my life. So I’ll just let every day slip past until the day I die. Who cares. I wanted to talk to my Biology teacher today about my grade, but I couldn’t. Freud would say that I’m afraid of my dad. And I am. I hope my dad dies sometime soon, maybe then I’ll be more proactive. Went to Nicole’s BBQ bonfire party at the beach, it was really fun. Eric is so hot. I had a dream I had sex with him. He dyed his hair black, it looks so good. I had a few drinks and said some things that pissed Jordan off, but that was inevitable. Um–what else happened. Oh, I got some black dye and dyed some old shirts of my dad’s black. I’m wearing one today. I’m going to go try to talk to Mr. Mize again.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- April 5, 2004 – 1:10 pm
- Author:
- By A.