> Orgy - 107

I’m sitting here hibernating in the Drift office again. It’s 8:40. Let’s see–yesterday Jordan took his car into the shop, they gave him this quote for like $400, but Pat looked at it and said that he just needs new brake pads. Those fucks at Les Schwab try to screw everyone over. I burned Tawna a copy of Mechanical Animals, but it didn’t finish before I had to leave. I drove here this morning, that was kind of cool. I had Nirvana’s “Lithium” on repeat during the drive here. I think it annoyed my dad, but I kept reminiscing about this one day where Casey and me sat in the smoke box and sang a song to the tune of “Lithium” for like an hour and a half about whatever was going on. That was such a cool day. I think she was high, but it was cool anyway. I’ve been reading Valley of the Dolls today, that’s the reason I started this post. There is this very poignant passage I wanted to quote:

“Anne felt sad. People parted, years passed, they met again–and the meeting proved no reunion, offered no warm memores, only the acid knowledge that time had passed and things weren’t as bright or attractive as they had once been.”

How depressing. I wish there was more to say, but there isn’t. My stupid carpal tunnel crap has been acting up again, and I can’t write the people I care about e-mails. I only have fifty minutes left on my phone card, thanks to Mindy. Perhaps I’ll call Kelly when I get home today. I won’t have to bother with Jordan today, I hope I remember to call. I’m going driving today after my dad gets off of work at four. Since Jordan didn’t show up at the beauty school yesterday they left a message on his machine saying he’s skating on very thin ice. He doesn’t care. He told me a while ago that you have to be there every day or they kick you out, and now he’s saying they can go screw themselves. Ms. Vega hates him because he’s going out with me–he underestimates her zeal. They’ll kick him out of the school, then his parents will kick him out, then his goose will be cooked, so to speak. He’d have to get a job, apply for financial aid, and go to community college. I sincerely doubt he’d make it, but I’ve never been in a class with him. He studies diligently, so that’s one thing in his favor. Nine tenths of most grades are busy work. However, if he can’t write essays, do college-level research, or read books, he’s going to be out of luck when it comes to many classes, especially transfer-level English. Hm.

Valley of the Dolls is beckoning me as it sits right by the keyboard. I have a feeling from the snatches I’m reading as I glance at it that this part is going to be very poignant. More later.

I just saw the sorta-hot obviously gay guy that used to work at Miller’s market. He’s sorta hot. I’m bored. My eyes are dry. Perhaps I’ll put some visine for contacts in them. I can’t stand those obese women with rolling backpacks. They should all be excecuted. I’ve seen Sam (the editor) quite a few times today. He seems busy. I’m not busy. I’m lazy. I’m officially going to put in some visine. That feels kinda good. Refreshing. Someone is wearing perfume, it smells delicious. I wish everybody marinated in perfume, it’s very pleasant. It’s 9:12. I wonder if Daniela got out of Psychology yet. Today I noticed the shelf of philosophy books above the computer that Tawna usually sits at. They have Friedrich Nietzche’s Beyond Good and Evil and some stuff by Kant. Perhaps I’ll read Nietzche. He couldn’t be any worse than the ramblings of Baudrillard. I’m going to get more of Baudrillard’s ramblings though, they are very interesting. Ah, the sorta-hot guy is back. Actually, I’m promoting him to hot. I need to stop staring. He caught me staring once, but he couldn’t know if it was staring or if it was a “who is that person walking into the room” glance. So I must not stare again or he’ll think I’m eye-shopping. Which of course I am. I feel bad for Jordan, he had to sit outside his house for like three hours this morning. I’m going to delude myself into thinking he dug out Brave New World and sat there reading. 9:17. Only a few more minutes. I’m dreading this class. I’m going to have another drink of water and see if Daniela’s Psychology class is over. Kevin’s brother is here. He’s kind of cool, I guess. I see him around the college a lot. He’s complimenting my typing skills. Mmm…I’m ogling Mr. Hottie. Hm…Kevin’s brother was homeless. How weird. He’s telling me the story. I should stop blogging.

Um, I can’t check my e-mail today–something is wrong with Hotmail. Jordan and I kind of fell asleep after we went to my house and woke up around 4AM. Some other stuff happened, but I’m too tired to blog about it now. I have Religions of the World at 9:30, in an hour. Tawna is in here, she dyed her hair. It looks good. I’m wearing my kilt, boots, and contacts today–I’m in my “I’m going to look good no matter how uncomfortable I am” mode. I’m tired–Jordan went home around 4:40, I stayed up and read Valley of the Dolls until six, when my alarm went off. It’s getting good, she fell in love. Lyon Burke seems very analagous to Taggart. I’m not wearing anything except for my boxers underneath my kilt (usually I wear pants under it) and it feels so–freeing. It’s great. And I’m able to see crystal-clear with my contacts. I’m in love with today. However, I do have to stay here until 9:00 tonight–these boots will really be hurting then. Perhaps not, but they will be. Especially after standing for the three hours of lab. Hm, maybe she’ll actually teach us something *stifled laugh.* She never teaches us anything. I hope Mr. Freneau doesn’t bore me to death today. I’m not looking forward to another tiring and tedious lecture on Buddhism. Oh, I wore my nihilist shirt yesterday and a few people (including one of the library ladies) asked me what it meant. I feel so smart–it’s sad. I wish everybody wasn’t dumb. I will have an orgasm when I go to a real university and somebody comes up and says:

“Since nihilism advances the viewpoint that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated, why are you going to college?”

But–nobody’s that smart around here. I hope Liz shows up today so we’ll have some entertainment. I’m going to show Daniela that photogram I made of the map of Venice. It looks so cool. I’m making more progress on my website, but I haven’t gotten it to the point where I can burn it on a CD and upload it. I still need to tweak the templatea little bit before it’ll be ready for content. Hm. 8:47. I’m thirsty–I’m going to walk out to the water faucet and have a drink.

I’m typing this in Biology lab–everybody’s gone and we got this strange handout with all these URLs on it. Nobody’s here and I didn’t have the cohones to talk to Mr. Mize. I loathe talking with people. And it would have just been a sob story anyway. Ah, here he is. Not many people are in the lab. I think everybody left. This is a cool computer, it has an adjustable keyboard tray and a flat screen. It’s attached to our lab station. Hmm…I talked to Molly today, we kind of touched on Daniela. I’m having a weirdness with Daniela. I think she’s running from her problems to take English 1B in Eureka simply because she doesn’t like Molly. Well, I shouldn’t judge. Maybe Molly really is crazy and Daniela has had some experiences I haven’t had, although I’ve known Molly the exact same amount of time Daniela’s known her, and I don’t think Molly is crazy at all. Talkative? Yes. Manipulative? Maybe. But definitely not crazy. Everybody has character flaws. I know I definitely have my fair share. Hm, my lab partners are back. We were lamenting earlier about the horribly uncomfortable lab stools. They are very hard metal and almost impossible to adjust. Mr. Mize just came over and embarassed me. I must go.

I haven’t posted in a week. I guess I just don’t care about blogging any more. So I’m going to die without a record of what happened in my life. So I’ll just let every day slip past until the day I die. Who cares. I wanted to talk to my Biology teacher today about my grade, but I couldn’t. Freud would say that I’m afraid of my dad. And I am. I hope my dad dies sometime soon, maybe then I’ll be more proactive. Went to Nicole’s BBQ bonfire party at the beach, it was really fun. Eric is so hot. I had a dream I had sex with him. He dyed his hair black, it looks so good. I had a few drinks and said some things that pissed Jordan off, but that was inevitable. Um–what else happened. Oh, I got some black dye and dyed some old shirts of my dad’s black. I’m wearing one today. I’m going to go try to talk to Mr. Mize again.