> Placebo - Commercial for Levi
> Portishead - Elysium
I wonder if Levi was one of Brian Molko’s ex-lovers. That would be so poignant. But, of course, that would be emotional masturbation. I’m trying to wean myself off of emotional masturbation, but it hasn’t been working. I keep looking at the flower Jordan gave me, expecting to feel something except vague contempt. If only I could conjure up contempt. The closest I can get is vague existentialist ennui. But I guess that’s the scheme of things lately. I hate listening to Portishead. They should just change their name to “a woman scorned.” They just remind me of how much men suck, and not in that way. I put something together from a few weeks ago that I thought I’d share. Royce got a new tounge-ring a few weeks ago and he said that he’d had his tounge pierced for years, but I guess I just never noticed. You usually notice because they play with it. So that was why he gave such fantastic head. The mystery is solved. You know, I probably would have stayed with Jordan if he gave fantastic head, but he just didn’t. I want to go “Wow, that was amazing!,” not just “Okay, that was an orgasm.” Hm. I didn’t really like his penis though–it was kind of weird. And I never really liked Jordan’s penis either. I liked Taggart’s penis–it was very normal, not veiny or uncircumcised or strangely shaped. Hm. Life would suck if one had a disturbing penis. I have to say I like mine, although everybody has to like theirs. I like mine as a matter of principle though. If it was weird, I would think “It’s weird, but I like it.” But I don’t. It’s not weird. God I’m bored.
I’ve been talking to Tara for a while online. I’m to the end of my paper, I just need a conclusion. I reread it looking for inspiration (and rewrote the section on Marx), but didn’t find any inspiration for a conclusion. I want to say something about the end of the Modern era being the triumph of the technology of violence (Hiroshima, the end of the World War). Hmm. My scabs from my fall at Nicole’s last bonfire are falling off, by the end of the week it should be gone. I think I’m going to end my posts from now on with a quote. I like the quote for this post. It’s so true. Well, I’m going to post this and then post how far I got on my essay.
“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”
— Sigmund Freud