The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

> Watching The City of Lost Children
> Later, watching Edward Scissorhands

Today sucked. Well, it was good and bad. I woke up at an okay hour–around eight. I got up and watched some TV, then I went and rode my bike down to the beach and back. Watched some more TV, then started going out and climbing this rope I have attached to a tree near the house. I think I talked to my mom for a while, and I think someone else called me. I watched the Outer Limits marathon for a while, but that turned into a Stargate marathon. I’d seen one of the Stargate episodes, so I went on the computer and typed up some sentences with the vocab cards I’d made today. Um, after that we had dinner, and I washed the dishes. I wandered into the art room, and contemplated painting a picture. Here’s where it all went wrong. I cleaned off my brushes, and then decided to paint. I tried to do it after this sketch I’d done a long time ago. It started okay, but it just turned to crap and I got all frustrated and angry, so I took the canvas out to burn it, but I couldn’t catch it on fire for the life of me. And I burned myself on my Zippo. I just wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. So I threw out the canvas, went to the fridge, got out an apple and some cheese (my comfort food) and I watched The City of Lost Children.

I went online while I was watching it, mostly to blog, and my mom was on, she sent me a paper to look at. She went to sleep though, so we didn’t get to work on editing it. Then Dan (Kelly’s boyfriend) signed on for the first time. We had a nice little chat about blogs. He signed off, but now he’s back on. We’re talking again. I guess I like him. He seems like one of those people that it would take a lifetime to unravel their motivations. The opposite of that is someone like Taggart, who is at the first level of moral development: seek pleasure, avoid pain (yes, that was an allusion to Kohlberg). Sad. People that are intelligent enough to attempt to create mysteries about themselves (like Taggart, who will remain nameless) try hard to hide the fact that all they want is attention (or pleasure, etc.). Or maybe people like Dan have motivations just as infantile as Taggart’s, but they have evolved ways of so completely masking it that they seem wholly different from people like Taggart. Hmm. This deserves further contemplation.

I’m watching Edward Scissorhands now, to get myself to cry over the painting. I’ll be emotionally backed-up if I don’t do this. Hm. Dan seems interesting. I’m reminded for some reason of the “Nobody” character in Dead Man. “He who talks much yet says nothing.” Hmm. I don’t mean it in an insulting way, I do that all the time. Just like I make sweeping inferences about a person’s personality from a few visits and an IM conversation. Hmm. He let me read this rant. It’s an interesting rant, but it seems like philosobabble (my new word). He does seem intelligent though, just not well-read enough. He needs to be pumped full of the classics and he’ll be a formidable opponent in debates. Hm. He hasn’t read Ayn Rand. Eh. I should probably get to sleep, I have to get up in the morning, and in the morning after that, and the morning after that. This week is going to suck royally. Ah, Dan had to go. I’m going to bed. But I want to finish my movie. Maybe I’ll fast-forward to the depressing part. Eh, even that would take too long. Off to bed. I’ll have to leave the emotional masturbation for another night.