Oh, I forgot to put the URL of the Lethargy Club Blog. It’s at:
http://lethargyclub.blogspot.com
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I came up with the idea of having a Lethargy Club blog that we all post to, and we finally got it to work! We have to e-mail Naiya and Amanda to invite them to it too. So cool.
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Charley thinks the “rip goal” sentence is inane too. Which is good.
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I’m at Charley’s house and I’m using an Apple, which is so incredibly weird. But I’ve tought myself how to get to Blogger. Which confirms my status as an uber-geek. Sweet.
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Restocked my Neopets shop, that was an ordeal. I had to spend around 110,000 NP on new items. I ran out of room, so had to use 10,000 to expand my item capacity. I IMed Charley, but he’s going to be gone for two hours. What a loser head. I hope we hang out tonight, that would be cool. Tawna and Sammie are playing GaiaOnline, I was playing Neopets. But now I’m not. I’m bored. And there’s nothing cool to buy online. Well, except for this one coat:
http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=853005&RN=266
Jeff (prankstrofluv) is online, he’s telling me I’m a whore. Which isn’t too far from the truth. I wonder if I’d look good in this hat:
http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=258380&RN=175
I want to take that model home and bang his brains out. Yes, while wearing the hat. I’m bored. HotTopic.com doesn’t have any band shirts I’d ever wear. I need a Placebo shirt, I would cream my pants at the chance of owning a Placebo shirt. Lame. I was supposed to hang out with Danielle tonight, but I forgot. Jeff said I misspelled something. Weird. I would edit the post, but I’m too bored.
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My leg is itchy, oh so itchy. It’s so itchy, and bitchy, and gay! Seriously, my leg is really itchy–and it’s because I haven’t shaved my legs in a while and the hair gets all tangled and mean and angry and itchy under my socks. I just got my term paper back and Mr. Freneau didn’t write anything on it. I was expecting something, but this is all there was: “Good. 100.” :( Oh, I should post my essay. Well, I already posted the old version, but I need to post the one with the cool conclusion. I’ll do it when I get home.
I really needed to go to the bank to get money, I was going to go to Brookings today and get a work outfit, but I don’t have anyone to go with, so I guess I won’t go. I do need to go to the casino and fill up my tank. I should do that today after I get home. But I’ll probably get home late. Too bad Amanda couldn’t show up today. I think she’s going to be the coolest person ever when she is free of her parents and can think for herself. Oh, I lent her 1984. I hope she’ll like it. I got a C in Religions. I could do the Christanity, Judaism, Islam essay and maybe get a B, but I don’t really feel like it.
Oh, we got another digital camera for the newspaper. Now we have two, and I can’t wait to use it. But we have to fill out another requisition form for the memory card for the camera. I’m going to e-mail Molly to remind her of this. OH MY GOD. I just came across the best quote ever. Oscar Wilde is my god.
“Only the shallow know themselves.”
–Oscar Wilde
That quote is perfect for Jordan and Liz, who will remain unnamed.
Well, I can’t really think of much else to say. I wonder what I’m going to do tonight. School is over. My life is over. I keep getting up later and later. Lame. Well, I’m going into the Drift office to set up my online banking account. I don’t want to do it in here, it’s too–public. And I have to restock my Neopets shop.
“So much time and so little to do! Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.” –Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
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Today kind of sucks. Although I had uber-fun with Amanda, Tawna, and Sammie, the drive home really sucked. I really shouldn’t have been listening to my Taggart mix. But it’s my only CD with Kinderfeld on it. Well, first Manson’s “Para-noir” came on early in the day, and I really like that song, but it brought back a nice fragment:
Taggart: “Yeah, when The Golden Age of Grotesque came out, that song was kind of a joke between me and my fuck buddy Ica.”
That was fun. Well, when I drove home (around one) I stopped by Charley’s house, but he didn’t seem to be awake or home, so I just drove towards town, but I stopped at one of the derelict apartment buildings and turned around. I wanted to drive aimlessly around town searching for what was wrong in my life, but then I realized it was just life imitating television. I realized I’d better do myself a favor and go home. I could still tell everyone I went driving around for hours soul-searching. I don’t have the gas money to soul-search. And why do metaphor when you can blog metaphor? In fact, why do anything when you can just blog it instead. Well, I started back home and got to around Mary Peacock when “The Last Day on Earth” came on. “Now I found you, it’s almost too late–and this Earth seems obliviating.” It was so sad. I thought of the movie I wanted to buy on Amazon.com, The Talented Mr. Ripley, and I realized that I only love people who are out to destroy me. I fell deeply in love with the character of Ripley in that movie. He just needs to be loved unconditionally, and then he would stop killing people. But the moral was that even when he was loved, he still killed, because of the lies he told other people. Thus, he could never be loved or even love himself, because of himself. Ripley had the most self-hate of any character I’ve ever seen. He hated himself so much that he had to pretend to be other people. The sad thing was that I loved Taggart because he was a femme fatale. I loved Taggart because he could make me cry, make me feel emotions. I loved Taggart because it was better to feel something than to feel nothing. My relationship with Taggart was an excercise in emotional masturbation. And that’s the sad truth.
I stopped by Royce’s house again but turned around in his driveway. I do that every night. Right before I go to get in the driveway, I just stop and go “God, what am I doing?” I half-expected him to be out waiting for me. This isn’t where the delusions end, this is where they fucking begin. I just want to knock on the door and go “Royce? Where are you?” And there he will be, gracefully walking out of the shadows like a twenty-three-year-old Humphrey Bogart, freshly showered and dressed in a blazer, black tie, dark jeans, and combat boots. He’ll touch my face, move closer, and we’ll kiss one of this big fake Technicolor kisses, and we’ll live happily ever after. Although that is completely not what Royce is about. Royce is about horror movies, body modification, mutilated Barbie dolls, his dogs, his Crescent City friends… Maybe he’s a romantic, I don’t know. He’s just not my type. Well, there’s the sad facts. I’m pathetic and there’s nobody in this zip code that fits my definition of the passable man, forget the perfect man. Lame. I’m just like Amanda. I want a guy that treats me like dirt. Great. I’m such a great person. Well on the way back Without You I’m Nothing came on, of course. I was all “Great–fucking great. I knew it was going to happen.” I’m sad. The only thing I enjoy is despair. I only find solace in wanting the people that don’t get me, in striving for what I can’t achieve, in doing what I can’t. I hate myself, wholly and completely. When am I ever going to find someone who understands me?
And yet again comes the sudden realization that life is meaningless. I pictured myself going out with Royce, and then it hit me like a freight train. The existentially apocalyptic scene from Nadja.
Nadja: I want to simplify my life–even on a superficial level. But, the more you think about it, it seems that all these choices in our lives, that everything is superficial.”
And that’s the final sad truth of existence. Nothing means anything, and everything that we think has deeper meaning is just superficial. The world saddens me. I mean, what’s the difference between spending all your money on drugs and spending all your money on books? Not a difference in the world. We all die, and when we die, everything that we’ve ever thought, everything that we’ve ever learned, winks out of existence. Or did it even exist in the first place? Sad.
I’m watching The City of Lost Children again, I’d been wanting to watch it ever since I got it back from Molly. I think she liked it. I like it. Hm. I really wanted that hardcover copy of The Stranger. That would have been my precious. Lol, I was crusing t-shirt sites and one had a picture of the ring from Lord of the Rings and said “They took my precious and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” It was great. Oh, we took the “Which dysfunctional barbie are you?” test and TAWNA GOT TRANSGENDER BARIBIE!!!! I got Sorority Slut Barbie. I don’t remember which one Sammie got–oh yeah, she got Big Bootie Barbie. We also took the What Dysfunctional Care Bear are you test. I got Nihilist bear, Tawna got Bondage Bear. Okay, I’m officially bored. And hungry. I think I’m going to go into the kitchen, have a glass of water, and go to bed. I hope the Lethargy Club (me, Tara, Sammie, Amanda, Naiya, and Tawna) meet tomorrow. They said they’ll be there, and so will I. My mom freaked me out about the whole job thing, so I got scared and didn’t go. I’m going tomorrow though, I don’t care what she says. What’s the worst they could do? Not hire me? God. My mom overdramaticizes everything.
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Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.
I’ll take it by your side.
Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide.
I’ll take it by your side.
Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies.
I’ll take it by your side.
Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide.
I’ll take it by your side.
Tick – tock x3
Tick – tick – tick – tick – tick – tock
I’m unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech,
Your slipping slowly from my reach.
You grow me like an evergreen,
You never see the lonely me at all
I…
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
I…
Fall.
Without you, I’m nothing.
Without you, I’m nothing.
Without you, I’m nothing.
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
Without you, I’m nothing at all.
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Yesterday was a million years ago
In all my past lives I played an asshole
Now I found you, it’s almost too late
And this earth seems obliviating
We are trembling in our crutches
High and dead our skin is glass
I’m so empty here without
I crack and split my xerox hands
I know it’s the last day on earth
We’ll be together while the planet dies
I know it’s the last day on earth
We’ll never say goodbye
The dogs slaughter each other softly
Love burns it’s casualties
We are damaged provider modules
Spill the seeds at our children’s feet
I’m so empty here without you
I know they want me dead
I know it’s the last day on earth
[chorus repeat]
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