> Covenant - Rising Son
> Orgy - Dissention
> Elastica - Smile
> Queens of the Stone Age - If Only
> Velvet Acid Christ - Slut

Today sucks. Those lame people at the medical center didn’t send my test off until a day later, so now I don’t get paid for today, and I miss out on a day of training. Penis face. On the bright side though, Mike Ovick installed a burner on the computer in the Drift Office. I’m going to go in there early tomorrow and start burning all the old issues onto CD-ROMs. Oh, and on the even brighter side, it looks like the Lethargy Club is going camping this weekend! Yay! I think my dad is leaving this weekend, so that will negatively impact the number of sleeping bags I’ll be able to produce. I wish I wouldn’t have returned the tent, but I needed cash that day. Hm. And I can’t buy it again with my first paycheck, becuase I have to pay that damn DMV fee along with my insurance. Lame. Hella-lame. But I remember Sammie saying something about having a big tent. Hmm. Joe might be coming–I’m very ambivalent about that. On the one hand he could do a Taggart and not be able to tolerate not being the center of attention, or he could be witty and fun. I guess I’d just have to wait and see, I don’t know him well enough.

Let’s see–what did I do today. I actually had fun with Amy, which was weird. Oh, she said the funniest thing a few days ago. This requires some explanation: she was fired from the Triplicate for no-call no-shows. She said the reason she stopped returning Mike Shmeltzer (the editor)’s calls was that he kept saying that she should leave Crescent City if she wanted to be in the field of journalism. REALLY. That is abysmally loony. I guess I’ll treat this as an admonitory lesson. I’m going to summon all the alacrity I can muster. Hm. Not much else happened today, talked to my mom for a while. She said that Grandma showed some asperity when she went down to feed the dog and found a dead rat in the dog food bag. Nobody knows how it got there. My mother hopes to ameliorate the conditions in the basement via some mouse traps. She didn’t want to kill them before, but I suppose her conviction not to kill them has abraded the more they have invaded. Hm, that kind of rhymed.

I wonder if today was an augury for the job. I hope not. Oh, Sukiaki (one of my cats) who I had been trying to stop from swatting at me when I was petting him did it today. And he gave me two love bites. He’s so psychotic. But I guess that’s what I love about him. Lucky (my other cat) gave me a love bite a few days ago, it kind of angered me, I tried to stop him from doing that too. They lick my hand and then they’re biting it. Eh, they’re weird. They’re cats. I hope to buy an august coat to display my monetary achievements. I’m thinking of asking the people at Kambriel if they’d not add the big poofy things at the ends of the sleeves on the coat–it would be sure to undergo apotheosis if it didn’t have those weird big sleeve-things. I mean, for the prices they charge, I think that they must make everything by hand.

Oh yeah, the thing I started this post to write about: I’ve been reading porn stories on this one website, and I’ve been reading ones by this one author. This one he wrote has two threads, one is anecdotes of encounters he’s had and the other is him growing up. The strange thing is that he’s not gay (supposedly), he’s married but is obsessed with male phallic secretions. The easy answer would be to say that he’s gay but just doesn’t want to admit it–when you say you are obsessed with a homosexual act, that would seem one’s orientation. However, he avers he is not homosexual, he simply is obsessed with that act. It’s very strange. And it’s also kind of scary to think that married Mr. Normal could be going to adult bookstores after work and having anonymous sex. Weird. And the thing is it’s not sex, it’s just that one act. And all the anecdotes–either he is the biggest HIV carrying slut in the world or he has an amazingly perverse and amazingly detailed imagination. I read fantasies all the time on the site, but these don’t seem like fantasies, they seem incredibly real. The possibility that he’s not gay fascinates me.

Ah, I reminded myself to blog about this in an earlier post. Well, the thing I wanted to blog was that I wrote my senior essay and never proofread it, I just handed it in. I ended up reading it later and in one place there was a sentence that read “Like, yeah.” That amused the crap out of me. And the funny thing is I say that all the time. I should get a shirt that says that. Oh, I came up with the greatest idea for a shirt: one that says in big white letters like my nihilst shirt, FAGGOT. That would be the coolest thing ever. I put a new “It’s not cool to love Jesus” sticker on my car, some loser scratched the one I had on there off. This time I put it by the license plate frame thing so it would attract less attention from passerby (as in not get peeled off again). I have an arrant hatred for whoever took my sticker off. Molly had something interesting to say about it (as always). She said she used to have a pro-breastfeeding bumper sticker and some lady yelled at her for it. She said that when you have different beliefs than someone it’s like an insult to confront them with it.

Well, it’s 9:32, I’m going to write little pictoral cues on my vocab cards and go to sleep. I know almost half of them now.

Amy and I are talking about the creepiness of those guys that work at En Vogue. She’s working on this layout thing for the school district. I called the editor dude and it turns out that the medical center didn’t send out my sample until today, so I start work tomorrow. Those people at the medical center are so inept. Amy and I are making prank phone calls. It amuses me. I got all dressed up for nothing. I don’t know what to do now. Maybe I’ll go down to Wal-Mart and get a slushie. Oh, lol, this person left a message on the Drift phone that was all “I was really drunk last night and somebody gave me this number…” It was so funny. I think I’m going to start doing that to everyone. Amy and I wanted to do an “I was drunk and got this number” prank call, so I called Kelly but she knew my voice. It was still funny though. I’m on the phone with her right now. Jared’s been doing some lame stuff, and so has Taggart, but that’s kind of the norm. Oh, Katie is pissing blood! It would entertain us sooo much if Greenbaum gave her an STD. Glorious. Kathy picked up the phone and said hi. I can’t wait to go down there this summer.

I must remind myself to blog about “Like, yeah.” That is the greatest sentence in the world. I’m going home.

I got ready, it took a while, but I look all professional. I washed some of those old collar shirts of my dad’s that I dyed, and they shrunk almost to my size! I can’t wait until the collar shirt I ordered arrives. I look so spiffy, I want to take a picture with my webcam but it’s in the other room. Heck, I’m going to get it. Damn, I can’t get far enough away to caputure everything. I’m going to take a picture with my film camera. I called the editor at twelve, but he wasn’t in his office. I’m going to call again at 12:30. I’m not on the Net, I’m typing this in a text document, I’ll post it after I contact him. He might try to call. I should go get my film camera and take a picture of myself. I’m going to do that. I want to go out and climb the rope, but I don’t think my muscles would appreciate that. I need to rest for a few days before I start again, for my muscles to recuperate. On the up side, when I started my uber-excercise regimen, I was only able to do five push-ups, now I can do twelve. So obviously my muscles are proliferating. I remember that muscle cells don’t divide. I wonder how muscles are able to grow. I would look it up if I was on the Net. Oh, I have my computer encyclopedia! Titty-fuck. It wants the disc. God damn, it’s somewhere–oh screw it. I’ll find out later.

I took a picture of myself anyway. Even if it’s just my head, it’ll at least convey some aspect of how I’m dressed. Oh yeah, my film camera. Must go get it. Hm, took some pictures of myself. I wanted to do something cool, but I forgot how and I need the camera manual to refresh my memory. I can’t seem to find it, though. Damn it, called again and he was in a meeting. I’ll call again in a half-hour. I need some comfort. I’m going to watch some TV. I hope something good is on. Watched an eposide of Rocko’s Modern Life, it was good. It was the one where he makes the video for his parents, then Heffer and Filbert film him walking down the stairs naked in the middle of the night and send it to the Australian film festival. So classic. I called again, and he was out to lunch. I’m going to eat lunch and watch Angry Beavers. Damn it, this calling over and over is getting annoying. Angry Beavers is over. I need to call again. He really needs to pick up, I’ve called almost five times. And since it’s 1:30, it’ll seem like I got up late and never called at all. Must call. Now. I’m on the phone right now–she’s transferring me. God damn it, he’s still out to lunch. This sucks. I’m going to have some more toast. Maybe I’ll watch some more TV. Oh, I wonder what’s on IFC. Watched an episode of The Wild Thornberries. It was one I’d already seen before. That show is one you’ll just watch becuase you’re too lazy to change the channel. It’s 2:20–at 2:30 I’ll try again, for my sixth time I think. This so sucks. I should go online and check my e-mail. But I shouldn’t–he might call. At two-thirty he should be back from lunch. I think I’m going to drive into town. I know the remote access code on my answering machine, and I can just call from the Drift office. And I feel like driving. And my friends might be at the college. And I can use the internet. And I can work on the paper. I’m leaving after I post this.

> Deftones - Lucky You [great song]
> The Prodigy - Funky Shit
> Placebo - Spite and Malice

I woke up this morning and felt like a train ran me over. My muscles all ached, although it was all my fault. I hauled myself out of bed at ten. I’m going to call the medical center at eleven and see if the results came back from my drug test. I called the editor dude yesterday and he’s all “Give me a ring in the afternoon.” Crap, I should take a shower and get ready in case he calls or something. But I’m online, so he can’t call. I got the mail, there was nothing for me. I’ve been drinking more water than usual to try to flush all that lactic acid out of my muscles. I know that it’s turned into another byproduct in the liver, so I presume the water will help. I suppose I should get ready. I’ll post later.