something rotten
> Placebo - Something Rotten
> Placebo - Bulletproof Cupid
> Placebo - Special Needs
> Placebo - Protect Me From What I Want
“Something Rotten” is a really great song.I don’t know why I chose today to start listening to this CD. Hmm. I just wrote an e-mail to Molly. Tawna e-mailed me and told me that she talked to Jordan. He keeps asking if I’ve been talking about him, he doesn’t realize that to hate him or “talk shit” about him I would have to care about him. I guess that’s beyond him. I really want to upload “Something Rotten” to my server, but it would take too long from home. I found this new band called–gosh, I can’t remember the name, but they had this cool song, I’ve been downloading their album song by song. I’ll post the name later. Talked to Jeff, he’s really cool. I so have to have sex with that boi. It would be like having sex with myself–he’s the most similar person to me I’ve met. But he has a downside–men always have a downside. I wonder what mine is. My best guess would be that I am a constantly evolving person, I am changed when I come in contact with people. Bernadette, the lady I’m taking over for at work, leaves today–so I’m going to be on my own tomorrow. But on the upside, my cool new shirt came today, so I’ll look all cool. I need to go to a department store. But I guess I can just buy everything I need online, that shirt fit perfectly. I may have to get new boots, my ones I have don’t complete the outfit the way I want. But it’ll be a long time before I replace them, they are my love. They cost me like a hundred and something dollars (in the trip to eureka, food, etc.).
I feel like I’m selling out, working at a place where I can’t paint my nails or wear eyeliner. I feel like I’m going to be stuck in a job like this forever. Or even worse, that I will learn to like being normal. I hate the world. I’m afraid of the end of SLC Punk. Eh, fuck it. I’m crusing porn sites. It really hasn’t dawned on me yet that I can buy porn. I don’t think I will ever buy any, simply because the lamest person I know, Jordan, owns more pornography than books. He actually doesn’t own a single book. I want to kill him just to put him out of his misery. Seek pleasure, avoid pain. He will never become anything more than that. I think that the thing that I’m afraid of the most is it not mattering how smart you are, that we all have the same fate: obscurity and death. I think that’s why I’m so obsessed with blogging, that way I can maybe live on in print for my decendants. I hope Kelly and I stay as close when we grow up. I hope so. Nobody gets me as well as Kelly does. OMG, Kelly did the coolest thing ever. Dan told me that Taggart called her and she was all “Guess what happened to me today?” and hung up the pone!!!!!!! Kelly, you are my GOD!!!
Well, let’s see–oh, Amanda and I hung out for a while. I really like her, it’s too bad I’m gay and she’s fifteen. Oh, I found out today that Tara likes me. It completely didn’t dawn on me that she like, liked me liked me. This damn song “English Summer Rain” is growing on me–it’s so freaking vacuous. It’s repetitive and annoying. But I guess “Hemoglobin is the key–to a healthy heartbeat” isn’t exactly a lyrical gem either, but I love “Haemoglobin.”
Wow, I’ve sunk to a new low! Yay! I love it when this happens–I’m on www.ratearod.com rating people’s penises. I love being lavicious on occasion. This accursed “Sleeping With Ghosts” is growing on me too–I might as well give up and like this CD. The song is really haunting though. It reminds me of Taggart. “Soulmates never die…” It seems that I feel the most for people when they pretend to love me. Nothing can top the abandon of an “I’ll love you forever.” Right when I feel like my heart strings were all plucked out, there comes along another to destroy me. But I guess I like being ripped apart. I’m reminded of a Nine Inch Nails lyric “Without you it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces.” I vehemently hate myself. Maybe someday I’ll find someone who will love me as much as Taggart pretended to. I sure hope so, but I doubt it. It’s like hoping for God to come and lay low all the sinners. Or for the sun to explode. It would be so beautiful for the sun to explode. Oh well.
I want to make a little film to “Something Rotten.” I need ot start writing screenplays this summer so I’ll have something to work with when school starts. I won’t have too much time to devote to it, I’ll have work and English 1B. God, I’m going to have to be proactive. Maybe I’ll drop art history. Eh, I’ll see how my job goes. Amanda told me that she cast me in a film she’s making for radio and television production. I think I’d write a hell of a script. It would be existential, that’s for damn sure. I’d first need to see what special effects I’d be able to use. I wouldn’t need anything drastic, just brightness/contrast control and the ability to shoot in black and white. Shoot, it’s 10:30. And my wrists hurt. This does not bode well for my typing for tomorrow. Okay, I’m officially sick of that Placebo CD.
I think I’m going to go to sleep, or at least surf the net for a few more hours. Maybe Jeff will grace me with a private show. I really have been having trouble finding time to blog. With my voice recognition software, I’m sure I’ll be able to blog more prolificly, although I’ll have to install it on the computer in the living room, which will suck. I’m going to have to get myself a new computer. All I need is like 800 bucks for a great machine. But I’m going to spring for a good one, maybe a 1700 dollar fun machine. I wish. We’ll see how much I end up getting paid and then I’ll start putting money away. I’ll need a lot though. Hmm. We’ll see. Later.
