the diary of antoine roquentin

> Moby – Signs of Love
> Queens of the Stone Age – If Only
> Orgy – The Odyssey “give me the super-pill to make everything better”
> Garbage – Stupid Girl

I’m giddy as a schoolgirl looking at PC cases. They have all the blinky LEDs and clear fans and screwless drive bays and…and…and…and…god. I love PCs. My new PC is going to be to die for. I’ve decided to hell with Dell and I’m building my own computer. It will be much more economical, because I know exactly what I want. Here’s my perfect computer

A sweet pimpin’ case blazing with LEDs and copious amounts of drive bays and PCI slot ports
A glorious motherboard with myriad RAM slots, ISA slots, and PCI slots (this will depend on what processor I get)
Pentium 4 3+ GHz Processor
1 GB RAM (the fastest kind, I think it’s SDRAM or something like that)
40 GB drive for operating system files and program files
250 or 150 GB drive for storage and shared files
I guess that’s it.

I’m looking at NZXT and RaidMax cases, they are so fucking cool. There’s this one that’s all black with blue LEDs with ten drive bays–oh god. I want it sooo badly. I’m not really in love with the design, however. I’m going to do much shopping around before I buy. And it’s going to be necessary, because all the components will have to fit (i.e. the motherboard can’t be bigger than the case, the motherboard has to support the type of RAM and processor I will get, etc.

http://www.pctoyland.com/prod_619.htm

I’m actually more in love with this one, and it’s cheaper:

http://www.pctoyland.com/prod_469.htm

Gosh, this processor thing is complicated. I just want a 3.2 GHz processor–you’d think it would be simple, but leave it to Intel to complicate things. God damn Intel, I just want a computer that is fast. Can’t you just make some applet or something that will tell me relative performance given a certain motherboard or chipset? Noooo…that would be simple. They just want to bamboozle me into spending a bunch of money on a processor that won’t be good for what I’m using it for. Hmm..it says Pentium IVs are for desktop computers. I guess I’ll go with that–a P4 was going to come in the Dell I was going to get.

Hmm, I just clicked on the FAQ. I hope one of the questions are “Are you trying to be evasive about how your processors will end up performing, or are you just inept?”

Well, they do have a motherboard selector feature. That’s nice. Once I finally figure out what processor I’m going to get I’ll be able to at least find a compatible motherboard. Sometimes I think that companies just come up with words like “hyper-threading” and “hyper-pipelined technology” to make people think they need a new computer. Like the whole “Hemi” thing with those stupid Dodge Ram things. What the fuck is a Hemi? It’s a fucking engine. Giving something a product new name doesn’t make it better, just cornier.

Hmm..what’s a chipset. I’m guessing RAM. Bathroom break. I watered my split-leaf Begonia today. It’s sitting in my tub draining. I’ll put it back in the window tonight when I’m sure it’s fully drained. Hmm. The processor I want is $300. I’m going to have to save up for that. But I could concievably buy the case I want with my next paycheck. After this weekend, it’s three days until payday!!!! But OMG, I went to my bank’s website and logged on to my personal banking, and I was $80 overdrawn! It’s because I had three overdrafts (a grand total of $25) but with a twenty-two dollar fee on each of them it’s $80! Bullshit. My mom was all telling me to talk to the manager and everything and I was all “No, I’m not going to do that,” but the more I think about it, the more I am moved to do so. I went on my online banking before I made those purchases and it said I had $50 in my account. This is bullshit. And one of the $20 charges is for a fucking $2 loaf of bread I bought at Safeway. I’m going to politely raise hell on Wednesday, when I go to deposit my check. I AM THE GRAND SULTAN OF AVARICE–AND I WILL NOT BE RAPED OF $60 IN MEANINGLESS FEES. MOUHAHAHAHA.

Oh, today I saw Molly at my work, she was socializing with the editor Mike. She brought me this copy of a paper and it had a caption under this one photo saying “Joshua Jackson” blah blah and the picture wasn’t of Josh. For those of you who don’t know, Joshua Jackson is the ex-editor of the Drift, who quit under dubious circumstances. My dad, Lisa, and I went to the Chart Room tonight, and I’m still hungry. There was like, no food. They skimped on the fish and chips. Or maybe it’s all the salt and I’m really thirsty. I’m drooling over that P4 3.2 GHz with the 512K cache and 800 FSB. *drools*. I think I’m going to have a glass of ice water, I’m parched. That hit the spot. Work was kind of cool, but I had a really bad day. First, in the morning, I noticed the “check engine” light on, and freaked out, but there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t be late to work. I drove to the college after work, and went into the Drift Office to call my dad, and then decided to check my online banking. That’s when I found about the billions of dollars in fees! Very angry, I drove home, when the damn gas light came on (I’ve been avoiding empty for ten days waiting for my paycheck) so when I got home I stole four dollars and went down to the market and put it all in my tank. I went home and went to climb the rope (my form of meditation) when my dad pulled up. He checked the car with me, but we couldn’t find anything wrong with it. Afterwards, we had a little bonding conversation, then I meandered off to find Sukiaki and climb the rope again. Talked to my mom for a bit, she gave me a good pep-talk about the bank fees. Hmm, I should probably call my mom back, but it’s twelve there already. She said she would call me back in a while, but I had to go on the Internet. My lust for computers compelled me. I wonder how much a motherboard is going to run. So far I’ve got my prices as follows:

around $60 for a dope case
around $300 for a fast processor

I’m saving this weird thing about chipsets to the desktop. I still have no clue what a chipset is. All I know so far is that I should get a motherboard with an 800MHz system bus. I downloaded the chart thing, I’m off to see about motherboards. I guess it was inevitable, I just searched Google for “what is a chipset?” Hmm, maybe they’re all the little chips that are on the motherboard. Hmm. Didn’t find anything relevant. I guess I’ll just blunder forward blindly. Off to scope out some motherboards. I detected an air of hypotheticality about the chipset list thing. Maybe I am getting this. Off to the motherboard selector guide. I hope MoBos aren’t expensive, but I know they will be. I’m expecting $100 to $200. Hmm….I’m seeing socket numbers. I wonder what they mean. The LGA-775 socket is stupid… It’s all flimsy and easily breakable, I read a review. I hate Intel. I’m going to AMD. Fuck Intel. Intel pisses me off.

(At this point my computer crashed, I salvaged the rest from this cool program that logs keystrokes that I have installed on all my computers.)

My AMD in Leslie is still humming along AFTER FOUR YEARS, while this considerably newer 1GHz Pentium III in Montag is tremedously sluggish and crashes all the time AFTER TWO YEARS. Fuck Intel. I sentence Intel to burn in the pits of hell!

SWEET! I love AMD! I want to have AMD’s babies! Their processors outperform Intel’s! Fuck Intel! I want to scream it from the rooftops! All that is left is to find out how much the AMD Athlon 64 Series is retail.

(After restart)

I think it was so ironic that my Intel P3 computer crashed right as I was bashing Intel and finding out the prices on the AMD Athlon series. Lol. Oh, I tried to install Photoshop CS today, and it says it won’t run on anything less than Windows 2000. Incredibly lame. I think a cool movie is on later, I set it to auto-tune to it. Yay! Pinky & the Brain is on!!!! I must deluge myself with its incredibly entertaining banality. I’m now watching The Andromeda Strain it bores me, but there’s nothing else on. I kind of want to continue my CPU and motherboard quest, but deciding on an AMD was enough of a decision. And that case. I love that case. I want to take it home. I’m going to see if that IFC movie is good enough to merit watching 30 minutes of The Andromeda Strain.

I just installed Messenger v6.2. Oh cool! My movie is on! Must post!

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> Wallflowers – One Headlight
> Rammstein – Nebel
> Alice Deejay – Better Off Alone
> Dee-Lite – Groove Is In The Heart
> Madonna – Lucky Star
> Bad Religion – Infected
> Savage Garden – I Want You
> Orgy – Suckerface
> Letters to Cleo – Dangerous Type
> Tori Amos – Crucify
> Glenn Miller Orchestra – Moonlight Serenade
> Suicide Commando – Desire
> Weird Al – It’s All About The Pentiums

Hello world. I’m IMing Lexus Jedi, he’s sending me semi-pornographic pictures. I can’t tell if he’s cute or not, I’ve never actually seen a cute black boi (well, except for Ben, but he’s too cute to be like, sexually cute). OMG…Lexus Jedi just sent me a pic of his penis, how creepy. It was all blanched from the flash. Pranstrofluv (Jeff) said he was pimpin’ today. Jeff is so cool, we’d be good friends. I so need to move to Sacramento, but that might suck even more, because Sac pretends it’s a big city but it really isn’t.

Oh, the reason I signed on was to say that I so want to buy Trillian Pro…it’s like the coolest thing ever! All the things I didn’t like about version .74 are all fixed! But I think I’m going to try .74 again just to get a feel for it again. It is $25–and I shouldn’t waste it on something that annoys me. Well, I could give it to someone else if I didn’t like it. Gosh, I can’t wait to get my hub and set up my home network, then I won’t have to switch computers when I want to send a certain file, like I had to tonight. Oh, I should go and install Photoshop. It’s just been sitting on the CD for days. Ran and got it. Just got another semi-pornographic pic from LexusJedi. He’s so concieted! But he’s so cute too.

I can’t help but wonder what Molly was like when she was my age. I don’t think I would have liked her. Hmm…maybe I would have. I wonder. Hmm, Lexus is sending me pics of his friends. I wonder which ones he’s had sex with. I’m so uploading the pic. Oh, two of them look like they’re going out. Hmm. I just can’t stand the cell-phone wearing trendy club bois, “trust fund kids,” as Daniela called them. I think it’s because they can afford all the clothes, toys, and monetary frivolity that I can only dream of.

God damn, I can’t listen to “Better Off Alone” because those stupid DJs at Club West mixed it to fucking death. They SUCK. Maybe if I listen to it a few times it’ll drown out the bad mix in my head. Hmm. Tara is online, she got an interview at Wal-Mart. I wonder where Daniela went. I wonder why she doesn’t call me. Maybe she wonders the same thing. I would have called her if she would have paid the fine on those books. Oooh, LexusJedi just sent me a pic of a cute ex-boyfriend of his. I’m SO blogging that. Lexus is the one on the right.

I must get my I’m blogging this shirt, because it so fits me. I’ll wear it to the club or something. Or maybe I’ll have a shirt that says “geek” in binary. I went on some websites to figure out how to read binary, and from their lesson I could, given enough time, decipher anything. Unless it has no letter breaks and has numbers mixed in. Hm, I just tried to explain it and came up short. Well, I’d be able to make out the “A”s. Hey, it’s better than nothing. Lol, I sent an offline message to Joe in binary that said “‘Cause I’ve got a blingin’ ticket!.” It was so cute. I wonder if he’ll send me something back. I want to become a geek instead of an artist. Fuck art.

leXusJedi: im trying to convince my friend to get pwrbttm as his licence plate for his car
dariusofthedark: LOL

That’s so inordinately funny. I can’t wait to get my cool surround sound system. It will be so dope. Then I can get rid of my stereo. Maybe I’ll sell it–or maybe I’ll donate it to the Purple Cat place.

dariusofthedark: so nothing else going on?
raventhemouse: nope.
raventhemouse: how bout u
dariusofthedark: not much, one of my online friends is sending me pics of cute bois
dariusofthedark: I’m so blogging the one he sent of his ex

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Lexus just sent me the most disturbing website ever.

http://www.tubgirl.com.

Oh cool, Dan just signed on. I wonder how his job is going. I forget where he got a job at. Hmm. Ah, he said hi to me. Cool.

I’m profoundly bored. I can’t wait until I get paid. Oh, I talked to my mom for a long time tonight. She’s coming to visit around November. And OMG–I’m going to be NINETEEN this year!!!!! CRAZY!!!!

Poor Baby Dan says: guess what?
blasé says: what
Poor Baby Dan says: A.F.I is doing a cover of “Head like a whole” for an un-announced video game
Poor Baby Dan says: trent reznor appears on the track
Poor Baby Dan says: lol
blasé says: um…isn’t AFI a band that pre-pubescent teenagers listen to?
Poor Baby Dan says: yeah
Poor Baby Dan says: and even funnier, Korn is also doing a cover of “Head Like A Whole” for their upcoming greatest hits CD
Poor Baby Dan says: (they are also covering “another brick in the wall”)
Poor Baby Dan says: lol

Lame. So lame. I’ve loved NIN for years–and of course the world has decided that NIN will now become an icon of corporate america. Fuck the world.

Hmm. Sugar Ray came on. I only listen to them because they had this one song that me and Mindy used to listen to all the time. I really loved Mindy. It’s sad that she had to go marry that dorkwad. Why couldn’t she have a sexless marraige with me? :( I’m bitter about that. We made out one time. I was a confused teenager. Some guys experiment with being gay, I experimented with being straight. The result is obvious, but I’m about 90% gay. Nobody is completely gay or completely straight. I really loved Mindy, we “went out” for a bit to piss off her ex, we’d just make out all the time. I really enjoy making out, so it was cool to do it non-sexually. I really miss her. She was my Grace. I have to say everything really does boil down to Will & Grace.

Omg, this Bad Religion song reminds me of something! Okay, I go to nifty.org occasionally to read pornographic stories, and I was really into this one (extrordinarily well-written) series about these two skinheads who would go out and rape and beat up guys for the fun of it. One of them was named “Choke,” due to a part of his anatomy. Okay, well I was at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago and saw Will, like the only punk in Crescent City. And when I’d read the stories, the person I always pictured as Choke was a sort of evolution of Will. I just thought I’d note that. It’s just one of those things that you go “gosh, I wish I could blog that,” but you can’t.

Lexus is commenting on the perfection of asses in porn. I must agree. Everyone is perfect in porn. I’m uploading the pic of Lexus and his ex. The ex was a big liar. Why would someone lie? It’s so lame. Yay! It finished uploading. I’m going to preview the post. I feel kind of icky, I feel like taking a shower–but that would be weird. I should take a nice candle-lit bath, I did clean my bathtub this morning. It could use some work though. There’s a bunch of soap scum I didn’t get off. It looks clean, which I guess is the most important thing.

Tori Amos kind of depresses me, she reminds me of Justin. God, I haven’t thought about him in a long time. I guess you just learn to forget. All this Mindy stuff is stirring up the muck at the bottom of my psyche. Or I’m going into the “cellar” as Ripley would say. Depressing. He’s in Brazil or something. Who would want to go to Brazil? Not me. I hoped up and down that he would get locked up in a Brazilian prison. That would entertain me. I climbed the rope three times today, I’m getting much stronger. God I’m bored.

This Glenn Miller is putting me to sleep. I should really get ready to go to sleep, it’s around eleven-thirty. I woke up at nine this morning, it was really weird–an hour earlier. I was going to get up, but I went back to sleep. I had this really weird dream where there was this little stream in this place with all this desert sand colored mud, and a little bridge across the stream, but when I went into the stream there was a rattlesnake, and then there were a shitload more all over the little deserty area. I couldn’t get away, but none of them bit me before I woke up. Maybe it was a metaphor. I should go.

Categories: Uncategorized

I’ve got “She Blocked Me” stuck in my head. Went home, talked to my mom for a bit, climbed the rope a few times, pet Sukiaki, made some pasta, watched ATHF, missed the beginning of Trainspotting, watched some insipid television, found myself watching reality TV, decided to go and blog instead of wasting time. Now I can’t think of anything to blog about, except for my lust for a new computer. OMG, I’m overdrawn on my bank account by like thirty dollars. That completely sucks. It really pisses me off that I’m going to have to pay a twenty dollar charge for buying a fucking two dollar loaf of bread. Fuck. I’m in a bad mood because stupid Anus Face Jordan called me today. He told me that Peng was in town and wanted to see me (but of course he couldn’t have given Peng my number–or have told me about it when Peng actually was in town). I have to say that stupid people band together. If I wouldn’t have been able to joke about Jordan’s stupidity with Peng, I would have to cross off Peng on my long list of people I associate with. I have to say that I abhored Jordan’s puerile sentimentality about that loser Clifford that died.

I mean, I respect his family’s grief, but his whole funeral turned into this disgusting excercise of emotional masturbation on a grand scale. People want to think that they’ll be remembered when they’re gone, and they’ll do amazing things to convince themselves of it. Everyone will be forgotten. All the great kings of the past, all the great leaders and doers and thinkers–all their books will grind to dust. Nobody will ever be remembered. And nobody wants to admit it. I had a bit of socialization with my dad today (a rare occurrence). We watched this thing called Independent Lens, and there was this documentary about the reaction to hordes of legal and illegal immigrants from Mexico. This country is going to shit. You can’t just allow mass illegal immigration–it doesn’t work. I can only hope that these groups will be assimilated into America, but one of my greatest fears is that they won’t assimilate. They’ll tell us to go fuck ourselves when we ask them to learn English. And then we’ll have two nations in one, a ripe recipe for anarchy. It’s happening all over the developed world. France now has a 10% Muslim population. I heard about it on the news–there are Muslim men that “own” whole tenements and rape and kill who they please. And they have no representation in the French government.

I always wanted to move to France, but those fucking conservative Muslims are going to fuck it all up. If there was a god, he would be laughing. “Ha ha, I allowed a Midieval civilization to survive to the present day, now the civilization of the 1600s will now eclipse the civilization of 2004. What irony.” Sad. Then we watched 60 minutes, this thing about the dude that is the editor of Maxim Magazine, the biggest and fastest growing men’s magazine in the world. It was really cool, he’s such a spendthrift, and he’s going to sell his company and plant the biggest forest in England. And he’ll call it His Forest (I forgot his name..I think it was Dave). I came in here to read a book, and all I’ve succeeded in doing is blogging. I should root around in the books I have piled around my bed. I need something thought-provoking to read. I know I’ll just end up reading Crash though. I hate when you want to say things, but people read your blog so you can’t. Grr. Well, I complained to my mom, I guess that’s sufficient. It’s so sad–nobody’s online–not even Charley! Or on Yahoo. Lol, when I signed on I sent Tawna an IM saying “She said she was taking a shower, and she’d be back in a half hour,” a line from “She Blocked Me.” Glorious.

I’m debating whether to spend most of my paycheck or save most of it. I know I’m going to spend at least $100, and save at least $100, so that leaves a $50 or so margin of gray area. My mom said that she wouldn’t loan me the $500 if I paid her $500 for my impending new computer. It kind of makes me sad. She does have $1000 of my money as collateral. I don’t think I spelled that correctly, but I don’t care. Too lazy to look it up. And for some reason I’ve been unable to sign on to Messenger for months. Maybe I’ll install the new version of Trillian, I stopped using the old version because it was too bug-ridden and didn’t support enough features from Y!, AIM, and MSN. That would be the greatest thing ever if Trillian had a web installer and we could put it on all the computers in the Clubhouse. I doubt it, though. I’m now downloading Easy Media Creator 7 from Roxio. It burns .bin disc image files, and I’ve gotten quite a few of those from BitTornado, my current p2p software of choice (thanks Joe!). I need to get a DVD burner. They’re like $200 though. I’ll get it after I get my computer and install it later. It’s going to take me so long to save up $1000–but when I do, I’m going to get the best computer to ever compute.

Hmm…let me calculate it out. It will take five months to amass that much, storing away only $100 a check. Sweet, if I save away $150 I’ll be able to get it in three months! And when I’m around $200 away my mom would probably let me pay her back! Yay! I’m so saving away a big chunk of my check. As much as possible. Maybe I’ll even save away $200! That would make it so I only had two months to a new computer. Sweet. I was thinking of going in half and half with my dad to get a new one, but then it would be half his. I want one that’s all my own, that I can keep in my room. Okay, I need to stop drooling and start saving. Now that I’m overdrawn on my account, I don’t have any gas money, so I’m going to have to steal some change from my dad’s change jar to keep going until I get to the 30th. Okay, enough bitching and moaning. I’m going to try to go to sleep early and get up early so I can clean my icky tub before I take a shower tomorrow.

I really miss Kelly and Kathy and Dan and everyone… :(

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“Do you want this book of pinecones? It can be yours for the low, low price of nothing.”

–Jennifer Henion

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Sammie showed me her favorite book today *blushes* it’s called Erewhon.

Here’s the link. I’m going to buy it someday.

Categories: Uncategorized