> Kelis - Milkshake
> Placebo - English Summer Rain
> Jocelyn Enriquez - A Little Bit of Ecstasy
> Garbage - The Trick is to Keep Breathing
> No Doubt - Ex-Girlfriend
> Razed In Black - Power

I just downloaded the “Milkshake” song, Daniela and I would freak out and blast it whenever it came on the radio when we used to hang out all the time last semester. I can’t wait to drive around listening to it. I love driving around listening to music. It’s one of my favorite activities. I woke up around one in the afternoon and enjoyed a sexual fantasy about someone who I would never have had a fantasy about unless I was half-asleep. Hint: KFC. Meandered into the living room and called my mom, she wasn’t there. I think I wandered around the house for a while. I checked my e-mail…there was one from Molly. I replied, then got ahold of my mom. We talked for a while, then I decided to go to Brookings. It was a crappy day, but I had a good CD in so I had fun anyway. Got gas at the Lucky 7 Fuel Mart thing (at $.35 cheaper than in town I filled my tank with $20). Went to Radio Shack and it turns out they didn’t actually have the needles, they like had to order them. But he gave me a cool catalog with color pictures of all the needles. I was going to root around Fred Meyer and see if there was anything worth buying, but it was Saturday and there was not a single parking spot to be found, and the traffic was horrible. I decided to go home.

I stopped at the harbor to see if I could find some cute gift for my mom, they didn’t have anything. I went home. After getting home, I fiddled around with the arm of the record player for a bit and the cartridge popped out, and it had numbers on the inside. So I’m going to take digital pics of it and then send them to that website that will tell you what kind of needle will fit your cartridge. Molly was wondering what Royce looked like, and I realize I only have one badly lit film picture of him that I never made a print of. I may drive into town tomorrow, get the Drift camera, and stop by his house to take a bunch of pics of him. He’ll give me that sheepish look that is just so uber-cute. I totally want to take him home. Again. I was really obsessed with Peng around the time that me and Royce hooked up, and once Peng was gone Royce stopped coming on to me. Oh well. When he liked me I didn’t like him, and when I liked him he didn’t like me. It’s that whole Of Human Bondage thing all over again.

I’ve been toying around with ideas for stories these last few months, and I have two main ideas. There’s one based on this series of porn stories I’d been reading about these two punks who go around having sex with each other while raping and killing people. But I want to try not to take other people’s ideas. I really need to download those stories, they’re so well written. Well, my second idea (which I’ve had for a while) is about a killer who kills via HIV or some virus of the future. I picture scenes of my protagonist in sleazy dance clubs gazing over the crowds, picking his victims…and killing them. Perhaps he is a former scientist and made the RNA sequence of the virus himself. Well, it’s a start. Diseases and viruses fascinate me. Science says viruses are not life forms, but they have more influence on population than anything that science says is alive. Perhaps that was the scientific vogue of the 90s. I dunno. I’m trying to get back into writing. I used to write this novel called Pylon V during high school, I finished five or so chapters. I shudder to read it now… Maybe it’s good. I don’t remember. I know I spent hours upon hours writing it. I should reread the first chapter. Maybe later. My big problem with it was that I could never come up with an antagonist. Oh, there was a love story to it…I remember. I totally have to print out a copy of that and read it. *smiles nostalgically*

I kept a video diary during that part of my life where I had sex with Royce, I’m going to try to transfer it to DVD once I get my new computer working. I totally need to get a digital video camera and start keeping a video diary again. My techlust never fades. I was kind of vaguely watching the Olympics during dinner…I couldn’t help feeling aroused, all those slow-motion high-zoom videos of these lithe, virile men flying through the air. I think you should be able to buy their DNA to fertilize your children. But unfortunately people would think that was strange. I really wish Freud had been alive to see all the work that’s been done with genetics and all the evolutionary theories. He’s be all “I told you so, you douchebags. Suck on that.” And then he’d do an “I’m Freud so suck on it” dance. And Jung would be a televangelist. Lol. Humanist ramblings just make me more cynical in their denial of reason.

Gosh, I might actually be out of things to say. Nope. The Lethargy Gang is supposed to get together tomorrow to watch the last episode of Aqua Teen. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Molly says my sudden appreciation of Manson signifies that I’m thinking about Taggart more. I guess she’s right. I can’t help in a fleeting moment remember how it felt to kiss him. But then in the next reverie-shattering second I remember “I just want to be alone now.” and “Inevitability.” But then the good memories come rushing back, the night we broke up, him telling me I’m beautiful, me playing with his hair. Then I just think “What the fuck? He ripped your heart out. Why are you being so nostalgic, you sentimentalist loser?” And then I just feel like I want to cut his penis off with a sharp piece of broken mirror. And then comes the sex flashbacks, good and bad. And then I think: “Gosh, I’ve had much better sex than this.” And it all starts over again. Taggart to Richard to Justin to Peng to John to Charley to Jon to Royce, and I just end up feeling like an apathetic whore who can only use and be used who will never ever be happy. But that’s life. We all suffer and then die. Oh well.

So I guess the short answer is “Yes, I am thinking about Taggart.” And now I have all the relationship crap running through my brain. John Carlson was so smart (a 4.3 GPA in high school) but he was so damn banal (his favorite movie was Romie and Michele’s High School Reunion). He went to Berkely. I wonder what he’s doing now. I think he said he had a boyfriend last time I IMed him. I have crazily chapped lips tonight, which is strange. I rarely ever get chapped lips. Hmm, this movie on IFC looked good, but I decided to blog instead. I just watched a minute or so of it and it looks so dope! Oh well. It’s called Karma Sutra. It’s all about India and stuff. I saw the preview for it on a DVD I liked, I think it’s on the Crash DVD. Okay, I’m bored. Maybe I’ll channel surf for a while.

Now that I have Amanda’s computer essentially all ready to go, I have nothing to do. I just checked my order on Crucial.com and it hasn’t shipped yet. I called my mom, she’s not picking up her cell phone. I should drive to Brookings and fill up my gas tank and get the record player needle. I should go take a shower and go do that. And I should have some breakast. There’s like no food though. Maybe I’ll have some microwaved potatoes. I ran out of soymilk day before yesterday. Hmm. I’m bored. I’ll go take a shower.

I’ll pretend that I want you
For what is on the inside
But when I get inside,
I’ll just want to get out
I’m your first and last deposit
Through sickness and in hell
I’ll never promise you a garden
You’ll just water me down
I can’t believe that you are for real
But I don’t care as long as you’re mine

When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty
When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty

I’m unsafe, unsafe
I won’t repent and so
I memorize the words to the porno movies
It’s the only thing I want to believe
I memorize the words to the porno movies
This is a new religion to me

I’m a VCR funeral of
Dead-memory waste and
My smile is a chainlink fence
that I have put up
Love the enemy, my love is thee enemy
They say they don’t want fame
But they get famous
When we fuck

When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty
When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty

I’m unsafe, unsafe
I won’t repent and so
I memorize the words to the porno movies
It’s the only thing I want to believe
I memorize the words to the porno movies
This is a new religion to me

I never believed the devil was real
But god couldn’t make someone filthy as you

When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty
When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty
When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty
When I said we
you know I meant me
And when I said sweet
I meant dirty

You are the church
I am the steeple,
When we fuck
We’re all god’s people
You are the church
I am the steeple,
When we fuck
We’re all god’s people

> Marilyn Manson - Slutgarden
> Nina Gordon - Hold on to Me
> Dido - Here With Me
> Razed in Black - Solution [I love this band, they are so dope, I wish I could afford to buy their CDs]

I bought my home network poop today but didn’t succeed in making the network work. I believe the NIC (network interface card) that I had in Leslie was defective. However, I don’t have to bother with antiquated operating systems any more! (well…Montag is not exactly antiquated yet). I absolutely love “Slutgarden.” It has such glorious lyrics. I’ll post them later. Well, I burned all the files on Leslie (it took FOREVER) while I watched the Beatles Yellow Submarine movie thing that Molly lent me in my room. She’s right…you totally have to be on LSD to appreciate it. I wish I liked the Beatles, I had to mute it through all the musical interludes. After that I formatted Leslie, and used an eraser to take off all the upside-down crosses I’d penned on her monitor in permanent ink years ago. And, sadly, I erased her name I’d written across the bottom of her monitor. Amanda, you should really rewrite her name on the monitor. I’m so sad to see Leslie go…she’s been my trusted companion for so long, it’s like saying goodbye to a really good friend forever. *tear* Oh well. Amanda, I’ll bring the computer Monday, bring the moola. $50 for the computer, $50 for the monitor. I’ll set it up in the Drift Office and I will give you a crash course on formatting the drive, how to install the programs you’ll need, and all that other stuff you’ll need to know. It’ll probably take a few hours. I’m going to have you format it yourself and set up all the drivers and everything so you know how to do it.

I’m so glad I got all that Leslie poop done. My DVD-RW drive is in my new computer, as is the 4GB IDE hard drive that used to be in Molly’s computer. I was going to steal some drives from Montag, but I realized it was pointless. Montag’s CD burner burns at 8X, my DVD burner makes CDs at 50x. I should maybe get another drive for CD copying…but why spend the money. I can copy CDs with just one drive. When I get my RAM I’m going to set up Windows on Molly’s drive, hopefully. I hope it takes to the NTFS file system all right. I think I used the right acronym. Oh well. I’ll use that until I get my uber-fast 200GB SATA drive. I just logged on to my online banking and it says I have $200. I took out $100 when I deposited my check to get the home networking stuff. I’m going to drive up to Brookings tomorrow to get the record player needle and fill up my gas tank. I’m going to buy my RAM tonight. I’m going to crucial right now. And I’m not going to get shitty brand-X non-ECC RAM. Joe was giving me all this bullshit about how SATA drives really aren’t that much faster than IDE drives. He’s so full of crap. I listened to him once, and now I have the DVD burner that only burns at 6X Max instead of 8X, I’m not repeating this mistake. Screw Joe and his SHITTY computer. He is so cheap that he scrounges fans out of old power supply modules. SAD. Well, I’m going to go buy my RAM. Cool, I bought it. It was only $125 with shipping and I got ECC RAM too. Yay! Montag is totally crashing though, I’m going to post this then shut it down and go to bed. OMG! I get to come up with a name for my new computer! Yay! I can’t wait to interact with it and sense its digital personality. Every computer has a personality. Montag is kind of like “I’m not going to work when you install programs I don’t like or use your printer or scanner” but Leslie is more like “I won’t work if you hook up new devices to me or change my IDE configurations.”

Oh yay, Molly sent me a nice e-mail. The map did look great. *pats myself on back* Now that’s a job well done. If my stupid scanner worked I’d scan it in. I should get a new scanner. Checked my thinkgeek order and they still haven’t shipped it, I’m going to have to call those inept bastards. “Where’s my shirt?” Oh, my mom said she sent me a box. It will have VHS and cassette tapes for me to make DVDs and CDs out of. I can’t wait. All I need is that cheap twenty-something dollar RCA in card. I could even do it in television production, but I don’t want them looking at my stuff. I’m dropping that class anyway. I’m really considering taking drama. I should make up my mind this week. I know I’m going to clash (an understatement) with Waldrat, so I might as well take something else. However, the crowds at the front desk make me hesitant to fill out the form. I should just do it and get it over with. OMG, it’s totally 1 in the morning. And I was going to try to get to sleep early. Oh well. At least I got Leslie backed up, cleaned up, and ready to roll. I need to burn a CD-ROM of all the programs that Amanda will need, but I’ll deal with that mundane task tomorrow.