Daily Archives: August 30, 2004

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away…. 0

> Marilyn Manson – Get Your Gunn

Here are some random excerpts from the posts I’m reading from September 2003:

September 3:

“The maintenance guy is mowing the lawn on this gargantuan riding lawnmower. With the wind, it looks like he’s riding a huge mechanical stallion against the winds.”

September 22:

“Casey and I made sex sounds whenever anyone came by, and invariably the people would come over and ask for cigarettes or something…it was strange.”

September 26:

“I was flipping through my yearbook, there were so many people I just want to forget, but who were screaming at me from their two-dimensional faces.”

I’m bored. Must go to sleep.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 11:08 pm
Author:
By A.

life sucks…but what else is new? 1

> Letters to Cleo – Dangerous Type
> Lords of Acid – Cybersex
> Nine Inch Nails – Into The Void

The Lethargy Club seems to be falling apart. Steve went on a date yesterday, it was vague whether he went with someone he’d just met or with Sammie. I’m guessing the former, but I’m not sure. Tawna and Steve seem to be having issues. You know how you can kind of sense the end of a milieu? I’m getting that feeling. I really fucked up today. I hope to rectify things tomorrow. I’m going to buy my books, I’m going to read Lysistrata, I’m going to have that talk with Mike. I’m not looking forward to the mise-en-scene of the end of the Lethargy Club, that one day where we all will be together and there will be no one to talk about behind each others’ backs, the day where we all tell each other how much we hate each other. The day when it all ends. Right now I’m finding fault with Tawna, it is mostly because of her that we’re not going to Eureka. However, now that I think about it, we should go anyway. Without that bonding time all our friendships will fall apart. I hope it’s not too late. I’d foot the bill for gas and a camp site, we could all chip in and buy food, it would be fun. We could cruise around Arcata and buy beads and used books, root around in head shops and eat lunch in the plaza. Alas, I can’t imagine it really working. I feel like I should be saying my last goodbyes to Steve, Sammie, and Tawna. Strange.

On a lighter note I hung out with Amanda and Naiya tonight, we all went through the nature trail in the dark. It was very surreal. I like Amanda and Naiya. Especially Naiya, she doesn’t annoy me at all. Well, not yet. I hope I get a buttload of money tomorrow. I go to history for the first time tomorrow, I hope I do okay. Yay for Steve! He got a date. Oh, I was going to look at something I posted last year on this date and see if it sucked or not, for perspective. I do that often. No, I didn’t post on this date last year. It was the first week of school, I believe…not much time for blogging. But I didn’t have to work then. Maybe I had a more arduous social life. Maybe. Well, I should go to bed and dread work tomorrow.

Aww, I was so cute. This excerpt is from September 1st, 2003:

“I suppose my kind of boyfriend is a porcelain effigy of beauty beyond measure. I can’t love because I can’t trust…those who I find beautiful I can never trust, because in my mind beauty is synonymous with deceit and duplicity, simply as a conditioned response. How depressing. Fuck. I think that my subconsious has adopted Taggart as the new paramount of aesthetic virtue, the new unicorn of intangible desire. How sickening. Men suck. All they want is sex. Taggart is supposedly an actor too…beautiful and intelligent…is that possible? People have told me that, but only online…everybody looks better online. And they’re twice as articulate, since one has time to formulate answers, unlike speech. I fucking hate stupid people, optomists, self-described “goths”, trendies, druggies, hicks, socialists, and stoners. Ah, I feel much better. Love is so…superficial and shallow. I want to get married, but I can’t. Fucking Republicans. I’m moving to Berlin.”

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 10:43 pm
Author:
By A.

I’m sad because I’m a flake 0

I hate that I was a flake. I haven’t been a flake in so long. It’s such a strange feeling. Letting my classmates down really made me sad. And here is the first weirdness of having Molly as a teacher. It was such a personal thing to not show up and to not have read the play. It was letting Molly down, letting a friend down, not simply letting a teacher down. I mean, I wouldn’t have had as many qualms about showing up to a Letko class extremely late, because I don’t think Letko is a person to be respected. But this class is different. Oh well. I hope this will never happen again. I’m not doing another map. I don’t have the time, I can’t deliver. I have too many responsibilities, and I know that now. I just have to stop feeling guilty and start taking responsibility for my actions. I can’t believe I let myself down like this. I just want to cry. Life incredibly sucks.

Naiya is surfing magic sites, some of them are really hokey. I will never volunteer to do a map again. I hate this feeling. I love this class and I let myself down. How could I do this? I hate my life.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 8:15 pm
Author:
By A.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 0

Today sucked SOOOO much. I had an incredibly shitty day. I went to work after I last blogged, and attacked my work with zeal. I had Subway for lunch, which was yummy. Just when I thought my day was going to be great, Susan came to me with these maps (this was around 3 p.m.) that I was supposed to create an illustration from. And I hadn’t even finished my normal work. I started on it around four, and let’s just say that it’s impossible to create such an illustration in a mere three hours. All the other times I’d done these illustrations I’d worked from like nine in the morning until five or six at night. I just can’t do it with school now. Well, I could…but I wouldn’t get any of my other work done (which I had greviously neglected during the time I was making those other maps).

So it was around seven when I realized that I wasn’t going to have time to read the play, let alone finish the map or get to class. So I went to talk to Mike and he guilted me into putting what I had done into a final version (a task of about thirty minutes). I was VERY PISSED. I’M STILL VERY PISSED. I got to class and was too embarassed about coming so late (forty minutes) to go to class. I just want to cry. I failed at making the illustration, I failed at going to class. I’m a failure at work and I’m a failure at school and I just want to die.

Well, on the lighter side, Naiya is here. She’s ranting about this dream she had about pentagrams or something, and she’s afraid of some shiny metaphysical creature. I’m too tired, hungry and angry to ponder it or to care. Amanda and her are going to have some sort of conjuring thing to see what it is. I couldn’t care less. I don’t think it’s a good idea to play around with forces that you don’t know anything about.

I’m just complaining and complaining. I hate my life. I hate work. I hate myself. I wish I was dead. I think I’m going to have a talk with Mike tomorrow about the maps, telling him that I’m just way too busy during school to do them. I hope I have the balls to talk to him, because I just can’t swing school and like seven hours of work. It just doesn’t work. I just want to cry.

Naiya likes my pentagram necklace. Amanda is going to try to get her stepdad to give Naiya a ride home. If he won’t do it, I’ll probably end up giving her a ride. It’s nice to have a car. I remember being stranded places.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 7:38 pm
Author:
By A.

map map map 0

I’m doing another map, which I don’t mind too much because I’m a whore for money. I’m at an impasse because I’m trying to get Tom to scan in a picture. I hate getting held hostage by him. Why can’t they network the scanner? Because they are incompetent. But OMG Mike is getting a new computer becuase his old one just won’t work. They are getting a NEW EMAC WITH MAC OS TEN!!!! WOOT!!!!

I’m bored. I wish Tom would scan that in. I think I’m going to go bug him in a little bit. I wish I had some more change for another Mountain Dew. I’m off the wagon again. Caffiene. Yum. I want to get out of here! I have to read that play for Drama, god damn it.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 5:40 pm
Author:
By A.

yummy Subway 0

I just got a 12 inch Roast Beef sub. Nummy. And I know roast beef isn’t capitalized, I’m just too lazy to delete it. So there.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 2:26 pm
Author:
By A.

LOL 0

Tom just came in and read the thing Mike had written on the issue saying that it was supposed to be the church page. So guess what he did? He put it on Jocelyn’s desk. LOL. Take responsibility? Nope. He’ll just blame it on Jocelyn. I might have done the same thing, but like…it’s his first week, he’s going to make mistakes…it’s not a horrible thing to admit when one is wrong. His layouts HAVE SUCKED THROBBING PURPLE MEAT SCEPTER. There was a line running right by a box on the front page today. SUCKAGE! I must stop ranting tho. I’m probably going to be here for a while, so I’m going to run to Subway and grab some lunch. I can leave now that Tom’s here.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 1:52 pm
Author:
By A.

mouhahahahahaha 0

Tom Simoneaux has just proved once again how much he SUCKS. He turned the church notebook page into the neighbors page. What a douchebag. The church notebook didn’t run. LOSER. I can’t wait until he walks in here with his corpulent smile when Mike tells him that he screwed up. Oh, I saw Eric on my way to work. He was driving somewhere. I’m hungry, I’m going to grab that nectarine in my car.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 12:32 pm
Author:
By A.

“Are you high?“ 0

1B was kind of lame, we wrote a practice precis but only three of us had read the story. The story was a whopping five pages, the other three people could have just opened up their books and read the story in a few minutes, then joined in with the discussion. But the simple fact was that they were just taking the class to take the class. Not to pass, not to get a good grade, but to waste time and to put on a show to the world that they were in English 1B. Sad. This one girl, I just wanted to snap my finger in front of her face and ask “Are you high?” Piss me off. Talked to Tawna for a bit after class, she saw Cube II and it sucked. As I told her it would. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG guess what: here’s a quote from Sammie’s blog:

“We ran into Jo-mo [Anus Face Jordan] at Safeway lastnight. He was celebrating because he got kicked out of school. And if that’s not good he also lost his job that same day. I almost died trying not to laugh.”

OMFG. I posted a comment:

“ROFLAMO! LOL…what a pathetic loser. Is it wrong to hope he dies an agonizingly slow painful death solely because of his own stupidity?”

LMAO. I love stupid people. Who else would I triumph over? Mouhahahahaha. I wore makeup today but removed as much as I could after class, I can’t wear it at work. I hate having to censor myself. Oh, I walked into the edge of my skateboard walking around in the dark a few days ago, I have this big cut on the top of my foot that has been bothering me. I hope it heals soon. I have to go to work in a few minutes.

Had a bit of a talk with Molly before her next class. Amanda isn’t living up to her responsibilities as editor, she needs to track people down to make sure they’re doing their stories, she needs to take notes at the meetings so she knows what’s going on, and she needs to be a leader. I mean, I could do most of these things, but then again I’m almost three years older than her, much more outgoing, and I’m not the editor. I see her wringing her hands and doing other nervous ticks when she’s talking to the group. People notice that she doesn’t feel she’s in charge. She needs to make herself integral to the process and not just a figurehead. I think Molly is going to have a talk with her. I can’t seem to get my mascara off. I wonder if anybody’ll notice. I have to get the hell out of here. I’ve been dreading work, that’s why I’m procrastinating here at the school.

I was almost late from waiting for slow-ass Montag to burn my CD, but it was worth it. Yummy music. Okay, must go to the hellhole. I hope I didn’t screw something up. Oh, I totally had the coolest dream a few days ago, I dreamt I made out with Royce, it was so fun. In the dream. Oh well, must go.

Categories: Uncategorized

Published:
August 30, 2004 – 10:49 am
Author:
By A.