> Eve 6 – Nighmare
> Marilyn Manson – The Moment of Decay
> Hive – Ultrasonic Sound
> Placebo – Something Rotten
> Nine Inch Nails – No, You Don’t
> Garbage – Androgyny
> Elastica – Waking Up [yay, my theme song!]
> Marilyn Manson – Sweet Dreams
> Placebo – English Summer Rain
> Nine Inch Nails – Something I Can Never Have
Today was so fun! I watered my plant in the bathtub yesterday and left it in there to drain, so when I woke up I didn’t want to take a shower. And the small fact that the drain is plugged up made me really not want to take a shower. So I just used hair bands and pins to make my hair all away from my face. I walked around the house some, talked to my mom for a while, did some stuff on the computer. Oh last night I met this dude on the Net and I called him and he was kind of cool.
OMG OMG…I’m really scared…I just heard this bloodcurdling dog scream and I keep hearing sounds like somebody is in the attic walking around, so if this is posted and unfinished it probably means somebody killed me. I just got up and locked the front door and the sliding glass door (futile, locking a glass door, but it’s the psychological safety factor).
The Net dude was named Daniel, supposedly. He seemed like he was stoned, and I talked about how I just wasn’t entertained by the movie I was vaguely watching. I’m the most witty when I’m trying to impress a guy, so I guess he was wowed by my “personality” or he was just really stoned. I was pretending to watch Cherry Falls while I was talking to him, it was on IFC.
I finally got the courage to clean by bathtub, so I cleaned it up and used the vacuum to get most of the hair out of the drain, and then it totally didn’t work. I was so angry, after braving the most DISGUSTING hairy bathroom scum imaginable. I braved the grossness and took a shower anyway. My rationale was that I would have to go to Wal-Mart and get some Drano anyway, and I wasn’t going to leave the house if I was reeking of body odor. So I took a shower, and got dressed. Oh yeah, before that I had some dinner. My dad made me a baked potato because they were having hamburgers and I’m not the biggest fan of meat. And then we had some store-bought apple pie and ice cream.
I got dressed, and wrote out a list of stuff I needed at Wal-Mart (Drano, pens, dividers, normal conditioner, leave-in conditioner, and acne wash stuff). I tried to call Sammie and Steve but Sue (I will hereafter refer to her as Evil Biznatch) said that they were gone. I had called Tawna’s house before I took a shower and they’d said she was gone. So I was all “Well, I’ll just drive into town and look for them.” Which I did. I started around KidTown after seeing Joe driving (he delivers pizzas) while I waited at a stop light on Washington. They didn’t look like they were at KidTown, so I continued North. Just before the Jedediah Smith shopping center thing I saw a car that looked eerily like theirs. I turned, and I saw Tawna’s hair in the back seat. I honked at them like three times, I was all “Yay yay yay!” Cuz I totally didn’t think I’d find them. But I did! And yay!
They were all going to go eat at the Thai House, so I jumped in their car and we all went. I had a flaming banana, it was nummy (since I’d already ate). After that, we kind of drove around for a while. We went to Sammie’s house to get her some pants (it had gotten cold and she was wearing short shorts). While we were waiting in the car, I asked whether we were all going to Eureka this weekend (meaning next weekend, the 4th) and Tawna was all “I don’t have any money.”
I gave her a look, which she well deserved for blowing through a thousand fucking dollars in less than a week. That incredibly pissed me off. So now we’re not going to Eureka because somebody just can’t go to restaurants enough and buy enough clothes. Piss me off. And then they were all “Oh her family was making her buy stuff.” $1000 worth of stuff? No fucking way. I don’t mean to be mean, but…I mean…it takes me two months of working in the News Dungeon to make $1000. To blow through that in less than a week…it’s just…I don’t know what to say.
Well anyway, after that we went to the pier to shoot the moon (with their video camera for R&T, it looked really cool tonight). I don’t think they got the shot, it was really cold and smelled like shit because we were right by the sewage treatment plant. My hair was going everywhere. OMG, I totally discovered something in the shower today (I know that sounds wrong, but read on) I was washing my hair and I realized that my hair is long enough to put into my mouth. It was sooooo strange because my hair has never been that long before. I was all suckin’ on my hair, it was fun.
After that we went to Wal-Mart and I got some stuff that I needed (Drano, some nice black eyeshadow, leave-in and normal conditioner, and dividers). We moseyed all over the store, it was really fun. We were having a great conversation. LOL, we were in the mens’ clothing section and we found some Joe shirts. For those of you who don’t know Joe, he wears these hideous print collar shirts, and there were some there that he even owned. Later we moved to this display of hats, and we amused ourselves with hats such as “got beer?” and “World’s #1 Grandpa,” the latter of which I totally would have bought and worn all the time had it come in black.
We moved around the store, moving from the makeup section to the halloween section to the bike section. It was fun. After the store closed, we went to my car and they said that they were going to watch the stars at the high school track. I said I’d meet them there. I had to pee so I went to Safeway and got some donuts. They were nummy. As I pulled away there was this INCREDIBLY HOT guy just like walking towards Safeway and when I had walked in earlier Will and his erzatz punk buddies were lounging around the front.
I arrived at the track to find Joe’s car there. He had brought pizza. We ate it, then Steve and I went in search of a water fountain. It was the manly fountain by the tennis courts. I LOVE that water fountain. I want one in my house. We all hung out in the middle of the football field for a while. Steve, me, and Joe talked and laughed while Tawna listened and Sammie read Archie with a flashlight. They were all on a blanket. It looked funny having Joe lying next to Sammie. He wishes. Anyway, we had a good time anyway. I guess Steve and I went to get something out of the car…I think Sammie wanted a jacket or something, and we commented on the futility of the evening.
Tawna wanted Joe but it was never going to happen, Sammie kept leading Joe on…it was just so pathetic. On the way back Steve said something to the effect of “If I was gay I would totally go out with you, cuz you are a cool person.” And I was all “You’re a cool person too, Steve.” And he is. Later, Joe and Sammie went to walk the track while Tawna just kind of hung out on the blanket. Sammie wanted to leave, but then decided to walk the track again. Me and Steve had a good conversation about Romeo and Juliet-esque things. People are so blinded by their “love” that they never see that it will never work out. Sad. Tawna seemed very riled up after Sammie went walking with Joe. It was strange. Sammie wanted to go home, I guess, so we all walked to our cars.
However, there was this cop and we had to wait until he left because Steve’s car has a broken taillight. So we started talking and ended up talking for a long time. Joe totally sucked at conversing, so we had to “And then I found five dollars” him a few times. But it was cool. We talked about people having sex in cars and cops being voyeurs, we talked about Lexx, and how incredibly sexy Kai was, we talked about hot dudes in the R&T class (Justin Oliphant being one of them). They told me about this cute red-haired dude in their math class that was really cute and wore dusters all the time, we talked about Sue’s horrid dieting techniques and her flatulence because of them, we talked about the crazy guy that wants to be on the Drift.
Around 12 we got tired and decided to go. Tawna gave me a hug, but then Steve was all “Can I have a hug too?” which I totally wasn’t expecting and I banged my chin on his shoulder. That was just waaaaay too much intimacy. But I’m one of those people who don’t really like to be touched by just anyone. I can inure myself to random chick hugs, but random guy hugs is just strange. I guess it was strange because it brought back all those memories of hugging Taggart and cuddling with him and being so intimate. I realize that I know waay to much about Steve. We were talking one time and he’s all “I have a ___ inch penis.” I’m like… “Okay….” I don’t know, I guess that’s just me, but I wouldn’t going around telling people how big my penis is. OMG OMG OMG speak of the devil Taggart just signed on. I wonder if he’ll talk to me after I…oh he totally just IMed me. LOL. Kelly told me he was really pissed at me for what I wrote in my blog about him last time we talked.
He’s not saying much. I guess he can’t be too pissed. As if he had emotions *sarcastic chuckle*. Oh god, I didn’t allow myself to believe it until I read Amanda’s last post: she totally wants Ken’s throbbing member. Disturbing. Well, I suppose I should get to sleep so I can have a wet dream about Justin O. It’s really sad that the only guy I have to ogle is a straight guy from high school.
OMG OMG OMG TAGGART IS IN ENGLISH 300!!!!! Ouch, my hands are burning. I think I got some drano on them. Must go wash hands. Oh, at American River College everything under 300 isn’t transferrable, instead of College of the Redwoods’ thing where everything over 100 isn’t transferrable. Gay. I totally wished Taggart was an imbecile, I could be all HA! I’M SMARTER THAN YOU. BURN IN HELL. But no. LOL, we were hanging out in the football field and Steve said something hilarious and I was rolling around in the grass and he’s all “roflmao,” which made me laugh even harder. Oh, I totally left the Drano in the drain for an hour and a half instead of the 30 minutes recommended on the label. Ooops. I hope I didn’t erode the pipes. I totally forgot about it. Oh well.
I really shouldn’t be up this late, but it’s Taggart. I have to make myself feel superior and in some twisted way try to prove to myself that he didn’t break my heart by treating him callously online. I guess that’s more of a commentary on how pathetic I am than anything. When I’m IMing him I feel so cocky and that I can say whatever I want but when he signs off I just want to go into a corner and cry for a few hours.
Taggart is kind of mad at me. He’s saying that I’m going to post the conversation. I guess I shouldn’t. He’s making me think he has emotions again. A grievous mistake. I guess I’ll just post an excerpt, I thought I was being clever:
dariusofthedark: anything else to report?
OutOfNiflheim: lol
OutOfNiflheim: my gf’s name is molly
OutOfNiflheim: thats new
dariusofthedark: lol that’s totally my English teacher’s name
OutOfNiflheim: lol
dariusofthedark: anything interesting about your new orifice?
OutOfNiflheim: she’s out of my league
dariusofthedark: isn’t that what you said about what’s-her-name…katie or something
OutOfNiflheim: yeah but molly really is out of my league
dariusofthedark: what, does her snatch smell like fresh-baked cinnamon rolls?
OutOfNiflheim: she’s almost 21…she goes to school full time and works full time…she lives on her own…….nice
OutOfNiflheim: plus she is so hot
OutOfNiflheim: your just going to post this i know it
OutOfNiflheim: i do’t really care
dariusofthedark: LOL you know me too well
dariusofthedark: sorry, but you broke my heart
OutOfNiflheim: lol
dariusofthedark: yeah, boring boring you hear it all the time
OutOfNiflheim: we’ll i was really depressed and crying and stuff over the thought of you but then i found that so it fixed me up pretty fast
dariusofthedark: you found what
OutOfNiflheim: the conversation we had where i cried
OutOfNiflheim: on ur blog
OutOfNiflheim: when u made fun of me for spelling monolague wrong but spelled it wrong yourself
dariusofthedark: lol I actually looked it up, both spellings are right
OutOfNiflheim: good times
dariusofthedark: I’m sorry…but I reach a point where as a defense mechanism I have to insult the people who hurt me the most
dariusofthedark: oh well
dariusofthedark: shit happens then we die
OutOfNiflheim: nice
LOL I almost creamed myself when I wrote the “fresh-baked cinnamon rolls” sentence. Sorry Taggart, you broke my heart. That’s my policy on posting IM conversations/e-mails. If you broke my heart, you get no mercy. I guess I’m experiencing catharsis. LOL, I thought of the funniest thing. After my last class of Drama, I was classifying all my old friends/acquaintances into round or flat characters. Then I came to Jordan, and I realize that the only catharsis Anus Face ever went through was his decision the last week I talked to him to sell his car and get a pickup truck. How incredibly pathetic.
Sometimes I wonder if Steve is coming on to me. And then I think “Well, even if he is, nothing is ever going to happen.” So it’s kind of futile to wonder about that. As it is futile to do anything. The sun will burn out of the sky and we will have destroyed this planet. And Joe will still be an unfashionable social vacuum, and Samantha will still be hot, and Steve will still be a conversationalist. And I will still be alone. Depressing. I think I’m starting to understand that one Placebo song more:
“Always stays the same / nothing ever changes / English summer rain / seems to last for ages”
“Hold your breath and count to ten / fall apart then start again / start again”
Life is short and pointless.
Oh great, it’s “Something I Can Never Have.” I used to listen to this song when I cuddled with Taggart. Sad. I hope it is a burgular that I’ve been hearing tonight. It would end all this boredom. Oh, I signed up for high speed Internet today, it is supposed to get installed September 7th. I think I’ll post the lyrics to “Something I Can Never Have.” They explain a lot.
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