the diary of antoine roquentin

I was typing up this letter and thought of an amusing comment:

“Based on signs around town, a mailer I received from “Del Norters for Economic Prosperity” and the PAC ads run in the Triplicate, Martha McClure’s opponents might just as well blame her for the fall of Western civilization. They seem to believe that if they tell enough lies and half-truths long enough and out loud enough that these lies and half-truths will be perceived as fact.”

Worked well enough for the Bush administration.

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I just got an avocado club sandwich from Circle J, it was so delicious. I got Jocelyn hooked on the “secret diaries of the lord of the rings characters” that I posted in my last post. She loves it.

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Steve Chittock is here installing a new server and trying to talk tech with Mike. It’s not really working, but Mike seems to realize that we desperately need new computers. Steve is talking about loading Mac OS 10 on these computers. It’s the equivalent of putting a band-aid on a sinking ship. However, Mike seems very keen on getting new PowerMacs!!!!!! WOOT!!!!! And OMG OMG OMG Steve is trying to sell him on getting Adobe Creative Suite! Which includes InDesign! I would do a dance of joy if he got new systems and Adobe Creavite Suite. I would be his eternal layout slave.

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Mike is here team-splitting with Tom, talking about how Jocelyn should be here working the copy desk instead of reporting…and yesterday he was bitching that she needs to do more reporting. Um…can you say “mixed messages?” Okay, back to work. I don’t think I’m going to make the layout session I set up with Samantha. Well, fuck it. The Drift comes first. All I have to do is FYI and type up some letters…it shouldn’t take THAT long. Oh, I should call the office and have whoever’s there give me Robin’s number. Eh, fuck it. I tried to do Get The Drift…it was like pulling teeth, because I HATE being forced to talk to people, but we talked to three people and tried to get them to agree to get their picture taken, but nobody would. I just gave up. Somebody more–social–has to do it. I’m so swamped with crap. I’ve got to get going on FYI and letters. I just finished the calendar.

Oh, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I got a 5 out of 5 on my in-class essay! Molly even had me read it aloud! I’m so stoked! I totally read over an important part of the story…that it wasn’t autobiographical. Whoops. But it was a simple error. And OMG last night I got full credit on BOTH my play analysis worksheet and our last quiz. Uber-woot! I’m doing so well! I’m very happy.

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> Depeche Mode – All I Ever Wanted
> The Smiths – Unlovable
> The Cure – Friday I’m In Love

Today was kind of sucky. I had to redo the calendar…that took a buttload of time. Molly stopped by and brought me the leftovers from a salad she’d had, it was really yummy. I haven’t talked to my mom in a while, she’s mad at me. I said that I was thinking about checking out some colleges here before I make the final decision to move to New Jersey (because Molly was saying that it would be a good idea to check out my options here…and it is) and she was SO offended because I was taking advice from someone who wasn’t my mother. What the fuck ever. I was offended that she didn’t trust my judgement. Molly has given me advice so many times and she’s never been wrong before…and over something as petty as taking a road trip. My mom is whack. I was thinking of Taggart today as I rode home, the song “Dangerous Type” by Letters To Cleo came on, and I was thinking about how next time I go down there I’m going to have a video camera and I’m going to record every moment of it. I wish I could download into everybody’s brain this really cute short film I saw about this guy and girl where the girl makes the guy reenact the best times of their relationship on video. Cute.

Today was work-school-work-school with nothing in between. I didn’t really even get to start on Letters before I left. I’ve taken to capitalizing my tasks. I don’t know why. Perhaps I should be Like Danielle, capitalizing Random Words whenver she Felt like It. God she’s such a stoner loser. I guess I’m just bitter. We had good times. I just can’t deal with people whose only recreation is drugs. That brings something else to mind.

Molly summed up Nietzsche in a few words the last class meeting of Drama: “His position is that we fear the abyss, and we’re all just frantically dancing, trying to evade the abyss: the reality that existence is meaningless.” I’ve been playing around with that in my brain ever since. I hung out with Sammie, Steve, and Tawna after my history class got out tonight, we had fun. But I noticed that Sammie had a copy of the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I was a smidge resentful, but then I realized that that’s just her dance to evade the reality of the abyss. We all have our dance, because if you actually believe in your heart of hearts that life is meaningless, you might as well kill yourself, because there’s no reason to live. My dance is my computer, socialization, and learning. I could be a die-hard Christian, I could be a mass murderer, in the end it’s all the same. A million years after Samantha and I have both decomposed, theism and atheism will matter not. The universe will spin blindly on to its doom. It’s really humbling to know that nobody will ever remember you in 300 years. And that’s a generous estimation. I would say it’s depressing…but it’s not. It’s just the way it is.

Holy fucking crap, it’s 11:30. God damn, motherfuck. I needed to read those stories for 1B tomorrow and I got involved with blogging. Monkey fuck…damn it. I’m going to go read now.

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