OMG. Tawna told me this morning that this girl Kat’s boyfriend dumped her for Anus Face! LOL! I was totally reminded of that quote. Lol.

“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.” –Voltaire

But anyway, English 1B was pretty fun, we talked about One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. After class I talked with Molly about my research paper…I kind of have a better idea of what I’m going to do it on. I need to pick a story and a critical approach. The approach needs to come first though. I should flip through my literature book and see what research question I’m going to ask. My current idea is to write on The Stranger. Hmm…I really want to do the moral/intellectual approach with some formalist and topical/historical on the side. I guess my research question could be something like “What is the moral lesson taught by the character of Meursault in The Stranger?” Hmm, that seems too narrow…how about “Does Meursault’s actions in the novel teach a moral lesson?” Hmm. I’m going to read the chapter in the book about writing a research paper.

> Ladytron - He Took Her To A Movie
> Garbage - As Heaven Is Wide
> Garbage - Vow
> The Cure - Killing An Arab

I tried to get out of the world of Doom III, but all I succeeded in doing was eating a big slice of pecan tart and a big plate of ice cream. I can’t find my playbill. I haven’t looked in my bookcase, I guess I could do that. Man, it’s 11:30 already. I think we have our last midterm in English 1B on Wednesday. I’m not sure how prepared I am for that. I need to do more research for my paper. I have no clue even what my research question is. I wanted to do something on Kafka. I dunno. I guess I could look at the assignment again. My computer has been getting really hot when I have my window in my room closed, and I have to open it up and make the room freezing cold in order to make the temperature in my case go down. I was thinking of getting a small fan and then getting some duct material and making a tunnel so that the cold air blown in from the fan would get right into the case, and I won’t have to open my window all the way. When I get paid I will go to Ace and investigate prices of duct material. What I need to do is concentrate on my schoolwork so I can get good grades so I won’t be complaining about them all winter session long. I’m going to get a B in English 1B. I feel it fitting. I’m not an A student. I could be an A student, if I tried…but I don’t try that hard. What’s the point of exerting myself SO hard to get some meaningless diploma. Bs are fine for me. When I’m dead and gone it won’t make any difference anyway. I learned the most from self-education anyway.

I lie. I haven’t read a book in months, since I started my job. The Alice books will be the first thing I’ve finished in forever. Oh how cute, I downloaded this song “Killing an Arab” by The Cure and it’s totally based on The Stranger! Woot. At least there are some smart people left. Or at least some well-read people. You know, I just never read any more. I’m so used to being the most well-read person in a group…and I am. I’ve grown complacent. I don’t need to read any more to be the smartest. Lame. I want to know people that have read good books that I haven’t. But no…dumb people.

I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of these “people.” Maybe tomorrow will be better. But it won’t be. It’ll never be better. I just can’t motivate myself to write that essay. Fuck. Oh cool, Charley’s online! Oh…he still has the away message on there. Lame. It just keeps getting hot in my case…I think that the video card adds a lot of heat. Must investigate ducting. Oh, I found this CD in my car called “work out.” It wasn’t written in my handwriting, I can’t imagine who would have left it back there. I’ve been meaning to listen to it. Weird.

1: some country song..that one that goes “no one else on earth could ever hurt me, break my heart the way you do.” We’ve all heard this one in some lobby somewhere.
2: “Hey Mickey you’re so fine”
3: ?
4: ?
5: I can tell it’s Disturbed, but I don’t know what song.
6: B-52s - Love Shack
7: ? - Old Time Rock ‘N Roll
8: ?
9: ?
10: ?
11: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - I Love Rock ‘N Roll
12: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
13: ?
14: ?
15: Crazy Town - Butterfly
16: Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl
17: Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch
18: Marilyn Manson - User Friendly

I can’t believe I was bored enough to listen to that and list the tracks. I need to go to sleep. It’s 12:31. So I didn’t get my essay done. I’m depressed. I have no willpower. I had so much time to do it too. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess I just don’t care. I’ll try to find that fucking playbill and try to write it tomorrow. I’m going to take some NyQuil and go to sleep.

I have stopped playing Doom III at Delta Labs 2. I MUST write my critique for Intro to Theatre. OMG I am SO immersed in the game. I haven’t really been playing by the rules, when it says “you need this key” I just turn off clipping and walk through the door. And of course I have god mode on all the time. And unlimited ammo. But it’s still been fun and challenging. I’m more than halfway through the game, I wonder how it will end. Omg, I’m totally going to get to experience the end in surround sound. Sweet. It is such a drag to go back to reality and write my paper. And to complete the total abandonment of reality, I’ve been reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. I love Through the Looking Glass! It’s so cool. “You won’t make yourself any realler by crying.” “Why, I used to believe six impossible things before breakfast!” Cute. I don’t know what to do to help me get back to reality…I guess I could watch some TV…I’d have to do something that doesn’t require my computer. Like hanging out with friends, but like…that won’t happen until tomorrow. If I walk into the dark living room I’ll just grip my imaginary plasma rifle (my favorite weapon) and wait for the imps to be summoned. The dark used to be scary, but since I’ve been playing with god mode on, my subconsious has realized that there is no actual danger as long as I’ve got my plasma rifle and my BFG when I’m in a pinch. But the darkness primes my subconsious to ready my plasma rifle and watch for zombies, which is the opposite of what I’m trying to accomplish.

I’ll try to watch some TV to get back into a real mood (?) and then try to go in here and write my paper. I guess the first step would be to find my playbill…I can’t remember who the actors or the director were. I sigh as I look around my room. This will take forever.

Boring…I’m totally done with this game. I got to this one point where I couldn’t find my way out of a level. Wtf? Why isn’t there a map? That’s totally lame. I guess it didn’t help that the research assistant guy died, he was supposed to help me out of the level. But I like, killed all the monsters and there was still just a dead end and then when I finally thought I’d gotten out, all I’d gotten to was the place I started. It was SOOOOO lame. And I mean, what’s the point of the game anyway…I need some kind of RPG to love. I’m thinking the Diablo II expansion pack. I downloaded it a while ago but couldn’t extract it. I’m totally extracting it now. Fun fun fun. I think I’m going to uninstall Doom III. I mean, it has impressive graphics and stuff…but like, I hate first-person shooters. They are so formulaic and boring. Especially when you can’t find your way out of a level.

OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. To say that Doom III is the most realistic game I’ve ever played is the understatement of the CENTURY. Oh my god. That game was SO realistic. My heart was pumping a million miles an hour and I was sweating and OMG that’s a feeling I do NOT want to have again. Well, I don’t want the death thing to happen again. I am next going to find out how to put on god mode. There must be a god mode. It’s a first-person shooter game. A first-person shooter game without god mode would be like a car without wheels. But OMG it was SUCH an experience. And my graphics card BLEW ME AWAY with the AMAZING 3D graphics. It was SOOOOOOO intense. OMG. I’m going to have nightmares about zombies…that is unless I turn on god mode and kick some zombie ass! Oh yeah.