I just watched the end of Thomas In Love, it’s so good. Now I’m watching Gattaca. After my dad goes to sleep I’m going to take the DVD drive out of the old computer in the living room and put it in my computer. And I’ll fix the cold cathode light that came undone and has been hanging down in front of the case window. I can’t wait until Wednesday. I don’t know what to buy. There are so many choices. I think I’m going to try to save up my money for the trip. It’s best to have money when one goes on trips. I can always buy computer accessories, but one can’t always have all night movie marathons with the coolest people ever. I mean, things come up…like caffiene and such. I thought that Christmas was this week, but it’s not. It’s next week. Which makes me think that I’m going to blow all my money before I even get there. It might happen. I dunno.

I cleaned my bathroom today. It was really filthy. I can’t believe that I lived like that. But when you’re so busy during the school year I never have time to clean. It’s pristine now. Well, compared to what it used to be. I’ve been reading about the Diablo II expansion set, and it’s pretty cool. And it’s only freaking seventeen dollars! That’s the first thing I’ll buy. I want that TV-in card so that I can put some of the greatest hits of Devin’s camcorder recordings on my hard drive. That would be SO cool. Oh yeah, and I still need that stupid 10-ft. RCA cable. I need to stop by Radio Shack and get that. I wonder how much it is. My dad needs to go to sleep so I can operate on his computer. Damn it. I think I’ll have a glass of water and continue reading Nausea.

I’m kind of disillusioned with it now, I hope the end is good. I’m about halfway done. Maybe some ice water. Or some tea…some tea would be nice.

I was just watching LEXX, which is like the coolest show EVER!!!! I love Kai!!! He’s my eternal undead love slave!!! EEk! I used to watch LEXX religiously. It’s the coolest show ever. But yeah. I’m burning DVDs for my mom. I’m tired. I don’t think that I’ll get up in time to go to the bank tomorrow. I don’t care. Lexx! Woot. Tawna and I hung out today, we got chinese food and checked out the new tattoo place. I want another piercing now. I want my bottom holes again like I used to have. I’m so tired and I feel like shit but who cares. I really fucking hope Taggart stays away and doesn’t even fucking know I’m coming down or I’m just going to fuck him again because I’m so fucking pathetic that I fuck people thinking they’ll love me but they fucking don’t and they never fucking will. Motherfuckers. All of them.

Anyway…I watched Another Day In Paradise, it was entertaining and kind of depressing, but those drug/violence movies just kinda get old after a while. Woo hoo she overdosed, like we didn’t freaking see that one coming. You know, I’m really pissed off at myself, I can’t help fucking thinking “You know, if only he was here, he could hold me, and everything would be all right…and it just makes me want to cry. I’m such a fucking loser. I just keep bringing more shit onto myself…but like you know it’s better to feel something than nothing. I want him to hurt me, I want him to rip my fucking heart out so I can cry and cry and cry so at least I won’t be fucking bored. I’ll have something to feel. At least it’s something. I should fuck him. It’ll complete the cycle of banal superficial emotional bullshit that my life has become. Fuck everyone. Fuck Taggart. Fuck Sacramento. Fuck everything. Everything is a fucking Godot. I can’t be fucking happy now and I never fucking will be. So I’m going to sleep. Eat shit and die.