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About Me
I'm a twenty-something writer and web designer based in the New York City area. In my diary you'll find fiction, nonfiction, essays, diatribes, fantasies, harangues and polemics. -
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Monthly Archives: December 2004
fuck 0
I’m going to have to leave Thursday morning and I won’t get there until the night. Fucking niggers. I fucking swear. If anything could make me a racist, it’s having to miss an entire day in Sacramento because the niggers have to kill whiteys in Oakland. God damn it.
And to complicate matters more, I can’t buy the tickets online, I’m going to have to buy them at the terminal. Which means I could get there all ready to go on Thursday and they could say “You’re shit out of luck, mister. All the tickets are gone.” And my fucking mom gave me her credit card number to use. So basically I’m going to be using what could easily be a stolen credit card: it will just be numbers scribbled on a piece of paper. I have a feeling that this trip isn’t going to happen. But if they won’t take the scribbled numbers, I’ll just charge it on my card and fuck the consequences.
I burned Kelly another CD of the pics from the party. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I want to give them out. The pics are cool, but the videos are…well…really embarrassing. Hideously amusing (especially the “ball” one), but still. I’m supposed to take the math placement test tomorrow at 1 p.m. and I’m supposed to do the website thing with Matt C. too. I’m so fucking tired and so pissed that I have to miss out on two days of being in Sacramento. Fuck. But at least I get to go at all.
I think I’m going to play some Diablo II. Fuck it, I’ll install the expansion set with a pirated CD-key. I’ll back up my characters. It’ll at least give me something to do.
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I’m going to die 0
I got my trip all planned out until I went to buy the ticket: there are no routes I can take that don’t transfer in Oakland. I’m going to get killed by black people. My mom, in her naivete, called the Greyhound office in my town. It’s the same fucking computer system. But it would be cool if she found an alternate route and bought it all in one phone call. But I shouldn’t get my hopes up. Well, I could just cover myself in tar and wear a do-rag. Is tar a petroleum byproduct? I’d get cancer. This totally sucks.
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oh yeah 0
> Joan Jett – (I’m Gonna) Run Away
This is the best song for my trip. I finally e-mailed that dude back. He’s supposed to get here Jan. 3, like…a few days after I get back from Sacramento. I set up my Yahoo mail so that I can send SMTP mail from my retroviral account wherever I am. It was $20, but well worth it, in my opinion. I’m burning NIN CDs that I copied from Kelly. They are SO DOPE. I wish I was cool enough to own the halo.
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waiting 0
I need to buy a box of hair color when I get off work, my roots are showing. It’s 1:45. I must leave. Omg! Stacey just came in with these gleaming Triplicate mugs with our logo on it! How cool! And I just e-mailed some tsunami photos to NBC news! Those photos might be on the news tonight! Isn’t that cool! It totally is.
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news room larceny Comments Off
Somebody stole/lost one of the new cameras that we bought. I laugh. I didn’t do it. I think that it’s totally going to show up behind a desk or something in a few months.
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little things 0
Little things like this really irk me:
“Please place the following two (2) items in the ‘community calendar’:”
As if I can’t read the fucking word two. I’m SOOOO glad that you included the numeral there for my personal reference, since as I work at a newspaper it means I am fucking illiterate. These people. I swear.
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Ball: Reloaded 0
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now you look like a Xerox of yourself 0
> Ladytron – Light and Magic, True Mathematics, Black Plastic
> Daft Punk – Crescendolls, Superheroes [the SEX!]
The next day wasn’t too eventful (well at least the morning). We drove Kelly to her work and I met her boss. Dan and I got expressos at the coffee place in the little mall thing that Kelly works at. When we were walking to the place, I was all “I hate being an animal.” Dan thought that was übercool. This guy in the stock room at Kelly’s work was talking to me about alcohol because he heard about the party. I vaguely listened. Dan had to be at work at 4 and Kelly had to work, so my job was to go with Kathy to get all the presents that they needed, so Dan and I drove to Kelly’s house. After we got back we posted the sexy video of Dan and Shawn on my website and and MySpace, it was so funny. It has made my site’s traffic go through the roof, which is SO COOL!
But anyway, I saw Kathy for the first time since I had been there, it was really cool. We voyaged to Tower to return some stuff and to get some presents. There was this lady in this car that Kathy nicked when she was parking, and this lady was acting like a total überbitch until Kathy gave her her insurance card. “That’s my name!” The lady said, and started laughing. Before, she’d had the I’m going to kill you expression, and it totally changed. “Oh forget it,” she laughed “it’s my daughters car.” It was the weirdest thing ever. We were going to go to Best Buy to get DVDs, but it was already time to pick up Kelly from work. We went all the way out there and got her (in this crazy intense fog), when Kathy’s car started to make these clanking noises. “Pull over,” we implored her. But no, she just kept driving until the car wouldn’t drive anymore and we had to pull over onto the side of the road. We were so lucky, she was three lanes from the side. If she wouldn’t have gotten over, we would have been dead in the water in the middle of rush-hour traffic on the freeway. Kathy called AAA on the cell phone and eventually (it was FREEZING COLD) the tow truck arrived:
In the tow truck we took pics of ourselves making weird faces and we blew them up to see all of our creepy imperfections:
The tow truck towed Kathy’s car to her place. We had to get presents but by then it was too late, we had to go to Grammie’s for a crab dinner. Kathy and Cole went separately, me and Dan and Kelly went by ourselves. We were off to Grammie’s to feast on some crabs (god that sounds wrong):
Kathy was totally drugged out and making no sense. After we ate, we went into the room with the tree and took a bunch of pics:
After this we opened our presents, Grammie got me gloves (that were filled with ten dollar bills) and gave Kelly a scarf (filled with ten dollar bills too)
We wore our presents. I was all “I never wear gloves” and Kelly was all “I never wear scarves.” We had to stop at Tower to get presents (we wanted to go to Best Buy because they had better prices but it was closed for X-mas). I picked up Daft Punk’s Discovery and Ladytron’s Light and Magic, and I got Kelly Resident Evil. Dan got Kelly this Manson CD and they didn’t have any cash so I loaned them all the cash I had. On the way back to the car, we heard someone yell at us, and so we started to walk over. Immediately I was all “Whoa, it’s Elektra!” and it wasn’t until I got closer I realized that the dude slumming around in the pink shirt was Taggart. We talked with Elektra about the party and about how Becky was jealous of her “hotness” (Becky is the sex, not Elektra, I’m sorry…) and all the stuff about Elektra kissing Dan’s crotch and everything. The funny thing was, I didn’t even notice Taggart. We were all talking about the party, and I was just kind of “this should mean something…but it doesn’t.” I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it was cool to have him be the outsider and have us be the cool kids talking about the party that he was too lame to be invited to.
Well anyway, we piled into Dan’s car and headed to Steve’s house to drop off his present. On the way we listened to a few tracks from Light and Magic and Discovery. I took this in the backseat:
We got to Steve’s house and dropped off his present, and then I really can’t remember what happened after that. (A little help, guys?) My next memory is the next morning. I guess we all just went home, watched movies, and went to sleep or something. I can’t remember for the life of me. Okay, we must have watched movies because we watched Thomas in Love and then the next day when Shawn and Becky came over Dan was all “You’ve got to watch the opening scene from that one movie!” So that’s what happened. I slept on the couch.
To be continued…
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man down! man down! 0
> Ladytron – True Mathematics, Flicking Your Switch
> Pansy Division – Bunnies
Okay, this is the überlong post that I’ve been promising to write. Okay, must open Photoshop to get the photos ready. Okay, I just opened all the photos I will blog and resized them. Oh darn, Photoshop randomly gave them serial numbers. I have to go back and number them in chronological order for my sanity. Okay, I got the photos ready until the end of the party. Uploading…done.
Okay, we left after I got off work around 9. The trip was pretty uneventful. We got Quiznos in Eureka, this was taken right before we got to Eureka:
There was this really cute waiter guy and he totally looked at me. He had really blue eyes.
We arrived at Grammie’s house around 5 p.m., after the introductions I helped Grammie hook up her phone, and I called my mom. I hadn’t gotten a response from Kelly when I had left a message on her machine, so I wasn’t sure what to do. I talked to my mom for a while, I was moping. I was moping that the era of sexy parties was over and there could no longer be any fun parties, frivolous sex with random hot guys, all-night movie marathons, and all the things that made Kelly Time so cool.
After I got off the phone with her, I immediately called Kelly’s house. Dan answered, to my surprise. They were all “OH MY GOD WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!” and right then I knew: there were sexy parties to be had. All my mopey blog posts that were festering in my head evaporated. I was all “OMG! COME AND GET ME!” So Dan was all “I’ll be right there!”
So I went into the living room to hang out with my dad and Grammie for a while. It was really weird. Grammie said to me two times “What did you say?” when I hadn’t said anything at all. She’s totally losing it.
OMG! “Flicking Your Switch” just came on! It’s the sexiest song ever! I’m totally hard right now.
Thankfully, Dan and Kelly and Becky showed up. I was ORGASMIC!!!!!!! I was all OMG OMG OMG! GROUP HUG! and I totally groped Kelly’s boob on accident. It was really funny. So we grabbed all of my (GIGANTIC) suitcases, piled into Dan’s car, and went to Kelly’s house. They were all “We’re going to a party tonight, do you want to come?” and I was all “Hell yeah!” So we got to Kelly’s house, I got out my camera and took pics of us. We would just get so happy that we would have to spontaneously group hug again and again. I felt the love. Dan was there too, but for some reason he’s not in the pic, I think he took it.
But yeah, I unpacked my computer and speakers and Dan was totally lusting over my machine. Everybody lusts over my machine. It’s my digital cock. Dan was on the phone finalizing the plans for the party while I downloaded the pics I’d took on the way up from the camera. Eventually we got all ready, I took my jacket, my wallet, the camera, and extra batteries for the camera, and we were off. Oh yeah, Dan is totally drivin’ us there yo.
When we got there, we opened the gate (it was a hi-tech gated community), parked about a block away, and walked to the house. It was this immense white monstrosity (so cool) of a house. We walked in and totally didn’t know anyone, but it didn’t matter. They were telling me about this room that only has this creepy doll sitting in a chair in a corner in it, we totally checked it out:
Becky with the evil doll:
The doll lives!!!! Shit!!!
Then we went upstairs and started playing pool, discovering this book of Mad Libs that they had been playing last time they’d been there. Here’s Kelly being sexy:
This is where the sobriety ends. This was Kelly’s first time, so I was SO excited to be there! She had like five vodka shots. I had like two or three, I don’t know how many Becky had. We got more and more smashed as the night wore on, and we kept having more and more fun. We started playing Mad Libs and we kept playing pool on and off. God it was SO fun. When we got exhausted from playing pool we would hang out on the mattresses in that room.
Oh, I forgot to mention Shawn, the guy that held the party. There’s a better pic of him later, but here he is at the party:
At some point, Elektra showed up and started to party with us:
A while after Elektra arrived, Dan and Shawn totally took a bath together. Me and Becky went looking for them and found them in Shawn’s tub. I took a sexy video:
Becky and Kelly and I wanted to take a shower (like, with our clothes on) but they wouldn’t let us (thankfully, or we would have been really cold the next day). The whole night this guy Steve was following Becky around:
Becky is totally THE FUCKING SEX cuz she had guys wanting her the whole night. Me and her were totally cuddling and I was sexing her up (humping her) all night, it was SO funny. We both thought that we would get drunk enough to make out, but we didn’t. It was weird.
I don’t know when, but at a certain point Steve and Becky went to WinCo to get…something, and Kelly and I missed Becky SO FREAKING BAD!!! We even made a song: We want our Becky-back, Becky-back, Becky-back (to the tune of “baby back ribs”). And then she came back and it was überorgasmic!!!!
Here’s Kelly in a sexy pose with a Tigger:
Way after Shawn and Dan took a bath (or way before, I can’t rememember) me and Becky and Kelly got in the tub and wanted to take a bath or something. Kelly is censored because she thinks she has flab.
While Becky and me didn’t make out, Becky and Kelly made out like SEVEN TIMES and Shawn missed almost all of them, it was crazy.
At some point we were all “WE’VE GOT TO HEAR “CLOSER”!!!” (the NIN song) so we like got on Shawn’s computer and in our drunkenness got to Launch.com and played closer!
Here’s Dan and Dustin at the computer playing the Closer video:
Here’s a sexy Becky and Kelly pic:
Later we were hanging out in Shawn’s room and having more wild fake sex. Here’s a video:
And for the record, I did not show my cock.
A while after this, Dan went to sleep, and Kelly did too. Becky and me and Shawn hung out in his bed for like the rest of the night, with Steve coming around, and eventually getting in bed with us. I thought it was SO funny that I was sexing up Becky and they all totally wanted to. But the thing is, I’m gay, and I can sex Becky up to my heart’s content. I want to have her abortion. But yeah, it was funny when Steve got in bed with us, I could tell he was trying to find the least homosexual position. I wanted to say “If you’re going to get into a bed with two guys and a girl, there aren’t too may places you can get in where it won’t look homosexual.
There were these damn fat asian chicks that kept hanging around Shawn’s computer and playing shitty emo music, it was so fucking bad, but we were in bed and didn’t care.
Eventually we saw the sun start to rise in the blinds in Shawn’s room. It sucked being sober again. It was weird. Becky and I were all “It’s not difficult to walk any more…weird.” But anyway, Steve took Becky home and by nine or ten the house was deserted. Me, Kelly, Dan, and some other dude were the only ones there.
To be continued….
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