It’s been a long time, but I guess I should devote a post or two to the subject of sex. I rarely talk about sex on my blog, mostly because I’m not getting any, but partly because I don’t want my readers to have TMI (too much information) moments. Well, if you’re easily wierded out, don’t read on. There, I said it, so don’t complain. I have to post this pic before I forget, ’cause it’s incredibly hot:

Anyway, I’ve been frequenting this site called Treasure Island Media, which is this hardcore porn company founded by this guy who loved to film glory holes and such in his youth. It’s the most depraved fetishistic stuff you’ll see. Well, with the exception of bondage…but I don’t really consider that a fetish. I guess I don’t because everyone always talks about how cool it is, but I haven’t met anyone who actually gets off on it. I guess it will seem more real then. But anyway, this site has a bunch of disturbing videos, but it also has this other section of movies, like there is this two-part series called something pie, and it’s like ninety minutes of this guy who has paid men to slam pie after pie in his face. It’s really strange, and incredibly disturbing. I wonder what Freud would say. I think Freud would say that this guy was deprived of pies as a little kid or something. I keep using words like disturbing, but I suppose that’s a value judgment I don’t believe in. They’re videos of activities that society shuns, hence, disturbing videos. But like, how does modern science explain things like the pie guy? Behavior like that? It makes me feel like it’s impossible to understand the human race.

I would consider myself (and pretty much the entire American culture) as voyeuristic. I guess the reason I surf these sites is a combination between prurient interest and just plain old boredom. The site glorifies as all sorts of unsafe sexual activities; it makes me wonder whether all of their models are HIV-positive. Probably. I distinctly remember I had some reason for starting this post. Oh yeah, I was checking all the links section on the Treasure Island Media site, and I found this really cool site made by this Swiss couple with all these photo essays by them and their creative friends about their cool, interesting lives. A lot of the people featured live in Zürich. I want to live in Zürich, not this hellhole. Here’s an interesting photo essay that has no nudity:

interestingness!

I don’t know what the point is. That human beings need to stop being so prudish about sex? I’m not sure. That there are hot guys in Zürich? I think that’s obvious. There was this thing on their web site about the Swiss government shutting them down for allegedly putting illegal pornography on their site, but it might have been a parody… I’m not sure… I can’t read Swiss German. Anyway, another link on their site that I have fallen in love with in the last fifteen minutes www.geekslut.org, this lurid blog concerning the writer’s interest in RPG’s and sex. It was really interesting. I wish I could be a slut and blog about it. But nobody would want to read about my lurid sexual adventures. I don’t have a chiseled chest and other such things that make talking about your sexual adventures cool. Crap. It’s 11:59. I’m going to feel like SHIT tomorrow due to the hike. I still don’t know what the point of this was, I guess the point is that I’ve discovered a new type of porn: porn with a philosophy. Sex with a philosophy. And that philosophy is total abandon to our animalistic desires. Kinsey would be proud.

Me and Joe actually went on the hike today, it was really fun and chock-full of exercise and conversation. I took the scenic way back from work (as usual), and snapped this while driving. It was about 1:40. The clouds were amazing today.

Well, I picked up Joe, got some gas, and we went up to Endert’s Beach…but unfortunately with all the excitement, we’d forgotten to get food (we were hungry), so we went back into town and went to Safeway, picking up a bunch of water and some focaccia sandwiches (which were DELICIOUS). We ate, and then returned. Before we started up the hill of DOOM, we climbed down the culvert, and checked out its coolness. If I wouldn’t have had my digital camera, I would have suggested that we walk the ledge all the way through the culvert (a really cool thing to do).

Then we tackled the hill of DOOM. It was such an experience to climb that thing. But the thing was, once we got to the top, it was very level. This is from like halfway to the top.

We went way up there, talking about random stuff, sometimes stopping to hang out on some logs. We realized that the sun was going down, and we just kinda decided to turn back. The conversation continued unabated until we got all the way down to the bottom of the hill. OMG! We talked about how we used to play these really cool games that came with our Packard Bell computers, Megarace and The Journeyman Project: Turbo and how modern games aren’t imaginative or cool, like Atari games. I mean, they only like had 5KB of memory for these things, but they made them so addictive. Modern games can’t come close to this. But anyway, at my suggestion we went and checked out the beach. It was raining lightly, and the sun was setting. It was really beautiful.

We explored the beach, and got stranded on the other side of this stream, we had to jump across to get back. After we hung out there a while, we made our way back to the car, where we reveled in our not having to walk any more. After that I drove back into town and parked at the pier. I saw this strange light in the harbor, and we decided to go investigate, but realized we were hungry. We went to Safeway and got some doughnuts, they were good. After that we checked out the harbor light, which happened to be the Grotto sign. There were like a million cars in the harbor parking lot, I guess something was going on. They were all leaving, and since I couldn’t see the lines on the road because of the rain, it was very treacherous. I meandered around there for a while until I almost got broadsided by this car. Then I was done with the harbor. Joe really wanted to smoke this cigarette that’s been hanging around my car for ever, and I didn’t have a lighter (except for my out of fluid Zippo) so we went to Wal-Mart to get some lighter fluid. I was going to get it at Safeway, but I’d forgotten. After that I wanted to find somewhere where I could roll down the windows without getting wet. After racking our brains, we decided on KidTown. When we got there, we realized that it was perfect. There was this big place with a roof. It was cool. We tried to find some place warmer in KidTown, but there wasn’t anything we could find until we went to the big spire in the front, it was the warmest place. We hung out in the spire for ever, it was the wierdest hangout.

Actually, I think that we did the harbor thing after this. But anyway, after that, we went to the Apple Peddler and had cocoa (a ritual of the Neo-Lethargy Club). Joe was hungry, so he got this platter of shrimp and various other seafoods. We kinda shared it, but I was really full from the doughnuts. The cocoa was good (as usual). Surprisingly, there were people in the restaurant (we usually are there at like 2 a.m.). Through the whole night, we kept feeling like it was 11:30, but it was really only eight, so all these places were open, it was strange. But anyway, after the Apple Peddler we kinda missed the Internet, so I dropped him off and went home. I went in the house, turned on my computer, and started blogging, and here I am now. I would call that guy that moved here, but we only IMed once. Not enough for a phone call. And he was kinda weird in the IM. I’m very wary (as I should be) of people on the Internet. I’m SO tired and my legs are going to be killing me tomorrow, so I should get to sleep. I also have those stupid graphs to do for Susan’s story. There’s too much information to display, I don’t know how to tell her that. I wish I was her editor, then I could be all “well, what’s the most important numerical relationship that you talk about in your story?” but no. I would feel weird. I’ll just do the unimaginative thing that has been suggested. Not even Charley is online. I really need to go to sleep.

I’m at work, and I’m supposed to be making this graph, but I really don’t feel like it. I’ve only been here like an hour and I already finished all my tasks. What I want to do is to be walking through the beautiful redwoods, enjoying the fresh air…but no. I’m stuck here. I can’t leave until..oh, I can leave in twenty minutes. Cool. I want to make a cool, creative version of this graph, but I think I will be stuck with just the boring table that she envisioned. The main problem is that she’s trying to show too much data, and you just can’t visually show this much data. She’s trying to show ten categories of statistics from 2002, 2003, and 2004. That’s thirty fields. Not including the totals. I can’t deal with this today, but I know that I really won’t be able to deal with it tomorrow. I’m over -thinking this. I’m trying to be original and creative. I’m failing horribly. I should just make the darn boring table and get it over with. I’ll start on it. Oh yeah, I need to call Joe, or this will be a really short trip.

> Massive Attack - Future Proof
> Ladytron - Fire
> Massive Attack - What Your Soul Sings

I’m up at 2 a.m. again. I hate how day after day I just binge on spaghetti and then just lounge around playing Diablo II all day. I hate myself. But I guess hate and love are the same thing. My love/hate for myself just gets stonger. I mean, what else can it do? It’s not like I can take a vacation from being me…with the exception of when I’m playing Diablo II. Maybe that’s why I like it so much.

I have been reading this book about Alfred Kinsey that Molly lent me. Basically it’s been a lot of softcore gay porn. But I suppose I deserve some gay porn after getting through Nausea, which (to quote Taggart) was “like masturbation with no payoff.” I guess if I had someone to discuss it with, I might understand it more. I don’t understand the significance of his old girlfriend’s “perfect moments.” I guess I’d have to read it again. I keep wishing that I had more time to read, but I mean I spent like four hours playing Diablo II today. That is prime reading time. I’m trying so hard to resist playing it now. Tomorrow is when I’m supposed to call that guy from SF. I don’t know if I will. Probably not. I don’t know him well enough to call him. If he really lives here we’ll see each other in due course. I wish I could just crawl into my computer and fight the demons, build my skills, buy new items, listen to good music, talk to my real friends.

Joe and I might go on our hike tomorrow. That would be a fun vacation from the montony of my existence. I like Joe, for some reason. I mean…one would think I would just dismiss him for being a Republican, but there’s just something…genuine about his personality. I don’t know what that is. I guess I like Joe because we can have a conversation for twenty minutes about vector images. Lol.

I hate how I can never get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I hate how it takes me so long to get up and how horribly sleepy I feel. I hate how I’m not in Sacramento. I just keep feeling like if I just say NO and scream the loudest I’ve ever screamed, the horrible fake world around me will shatter, the spell will be broken, and I’ll finally be with the people I love. But no. Never. It’s just more and more crap. I hate everything. Maybe I should call that guy. He said he’s twenty-five or something. I really still think he’s Sorta Hot Guy From The Ad Room, which wouldn’t be so bad. At least I’d have a new friend. But the thing is that this dude has expressed interest in dating me…and I don’t date. Not any more. I’ve never even seen this dude, suuuure I’m going to date him. Sad. I’m actually going to be disappointed when I find out that he’s not Sorta Hot Guy From The Ad Room. I hate strangers. I wish I had some NyQuil so I could go to sleep. I need to get some tomorrow. And I need to sign up for my classes. Well, I did accomplish one thing: I picked my classes. I’m going to take math and speech. And I hope to do the bank thing tomorrow. I must do it before work or I’m too frazzled. I’ll have a cup of tea for courage.

God, I hate my agoraphobia. That would suck if I never found a “husband”…I would still be like this at 50. I’d be my dad. God. Well, my dad, but with interests in literature, art, music, and cinema. Yep, that’s about it. I want to buy this one book by Simone de Beauvoir that I read about, it’s about this guy who is immortal and all this stuff and how horrible it is. I guess that’s not descriptive at all, but still, it looked really good. I want to buy stuff, but I can’t. I have to save, save, save. Lol, that would be really funny if I built up a nice nest egg and the IRS took it all back because I didn’t have enough taken out of my check. Sad. Fuck. My wrist is hurting but I’m too lazy to switch to voice recognition. Hasta.