I just got off work, it wasn’t so bad, I’ve taken to sipping ice water so I don’t get dehydrated. I had an apple too. I was able to help Susan with this PDF thing, I was very happy that I am still the computer guru. I will always be the Digital Jedi Master.
You know, I used to think that I could write anything I wanted in my blog, and that my goal was to be candid, but I suppose if my hero is Oscar Wilde, being candid shouldn’t be my number one goal. Or even a goal at all. Well, the moment I realized it was today, I walked through the hall and I saw Dr. Mize and we mumbled our hellos in passing, and I was all “LOL I have to blog about this” because I knew something funny about the whole thing, but no. I can’t. I can’t talk about anything. I can’t rant about work, I can’t rant about my friends, I guess the era of my candidacy is over. Lol. Candidacy. I love words.
But anyway, I slept for thirteen hours last night and I feel SO refreshed. I mean, at work, my computer could have exploded and I would have been completely unfazed. The map I did yesterday came out really good, my boss complimented me. Everybody loves those. I’m talking with my mom on the phone, she ended up not euthanizing the dog, she’s trying out these anti-arthritis pills on her for a month or to see if the dog’s symptoms improve.
But anyway, I should go home. I deserve a good meal. I wish I had my Creative Writing book. I heard about this textbook loan program thingy, but it’s too much of a hassle if all I have to wait for is Monday to buy it. I’m going to buy it first thing Monday morning. Well, actually more like last thing Monday morning because I already am in the red for paying my Internet bill. I have $-30. I hope I get a lot of money this pay period. I’d better. I have to pay off my negative balance plus $100 or so for my car insurance. No toys for me this semester :( or at least not for another month. My next check, I think, will be very grand indeed, what with me staying late all those times making maps. I feel like a cartographer, and I suppose in some sense I am one. I should get the hell out of here and go home. I need dinner.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 28, 2005 – 3:39 pm
- Author:
- By A.
There’s this one character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest that always would go “I’m tired, I’m so tired…” and I feel that’s the senile tired old man I will become. I stayed really late at work making a map, but I thought I would make it to my class in time. But no. I remembered the wrong time. And got there 30 minutes late. Of course you don’t enter a class that late (unless you’re Liz), so I went into the office and called my mom. I was and still am SOOOO tired. I only got three hours of sleep. But I was able to fix a bunch of stuff at work and help a bunch of people. All in a day’s work, I guess. But on the upside I did keep my appointment with that lady about the speech book, and I bought it successfully. I know I saved a buttload of moola. The only other one I really need is the creative writing book. I hope it’s not like $80. I should check. Lol, a few nights ago I was reading lesbian celebrity porno stories out loud to Stranger, it was so funny. I LOVE celebrity porno stories. They are the funniest things ever. I was up so fucking late last night, oh my god. You know, I was looking forward to Econ tonight because I would have gotten to hang out with my friend Casey. We used to do the coolest things, one time we were really bored so we sang this like hour-long song about whatever we saw to the tune of Nirvana’s “Lithium.” It was the coolest thing ever. Oh when Stranger came over last night we played the Star Trek Game of the Galaxies board game (circa 1991) and it was so funny and pointless, then we played this like computer game demo thing for this Star Trek incarnation of a WarCraft game. It was kind of entertaining. I hope tomorrow is less tiring. And I hope my fucking alarm clock gets here someday before I die.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 27, 2005 – 8:43 pm
- Author:
- By A.
Outside Circle J yesterday: “Oh, they have to play that kind of music here because old people come here.” (Lady in the parking lot flashes me a disgusted glance).
I’m here at Stranger’s house, we were watching Event Horizon and now it’s over…and it wasn’t scary at all. Um, that chick…the one that I was buying that speech book from, she e-mailed me back and I totally get it for a really cheap price. It’s so cool. I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I really shouldn’t be up this late, I’ll be a somnambulist tomorrow at work, but I’m too tired to go home. I know that makes very little sense. I should just leave and get it the hell over with. Stranger needs to set up a blog. I’m going to make him do it.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 27, 2005 – 4:11 am
- Author:
- By A.
I stayed out way too late again, me and Stranger hiked down to Endert’s Beach and hung out watching the waves and talking. Then we were hungry so we went and ate at Circle J. We were going to go to RayJen’s afterwards but they were closed. Um, after that I think we went and walked around on Pebble Beach cuz it was low tide, but it was all dark so it wasn’t very cool. After that we went back to his place and hung out until like 1 a.m. He played this star wars game while I surfed the web on dial-up on his computer. We were all complaining that there was nothing to do and he was commenting on the novelty of being bored, to which I replied “I’ve been bored for years.” And it’s really true. But I mean, it’s not like it’s a bad thing–I could be in pain or hungry or something. Ennui is the emotion of the 21st century. But anyway, I slept in so I should go get ready. I bought ties yesterday, we stopped at Wal-Mart. I hope they look cool. Okay, off to take a shower. I am SO fucking tired.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 26, 2005 – 9:36 am
- Author:
- By A.
> Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – Love is Pain
> Basement Jaxx – All I Know
> Lords of Acid – Pussy
I wish my damn alarm clock would show up, it took three minutes of beeping for me to get out of bed this morning. I just can’t wake to beeping, but I can wake to music. I guess I’m supposed to hang out with Stranger today, I’ll call him after I get off work if the weather is okay. I want to stop at Wal-Mart and pick up a tie before I go to work. That would be cool. I should get dressed soon or I won’t be able to do anything before work. I need to call that lady about the speech book. I should do that after I get off work. Oh yay, my computer will be all moved to the new place and everything, even if work is crappy I’ll still have my cool new computer. I must go.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 25, 2005 – 10:20 am
- Author:
- By A.
> Daft Punk – Too Long
I’m at home, just gorged myself on rice and I’m feelin’ fine. I was playing Diablo II, but I died like three times and it just pissed me off. I think after a while I’m going to use a character editor to mess with my characters, I didn’t allocate the skill points for my druid well enough. Well, at least that’s what I feel like right now. I feel like the summoning spells are useless. But anyway, I’m incredibly tired, I’m going to go to sleep soon. I’m talking to someone online, she distracted me from my Diablo II reverie. Maybe I’ll tell her I’m going to sleep. The chick just said something dumb. I fucking hate dumb people. I just want to tell her YOU ARE STUPID. GOODBYE. LIVE TO BE DUMB ANOTHER DAY. But I don’t. I just said never mind.
09:01:53 PM Danielle: I have to read The People’s History by Howard Zinn
09:01:57 PM Danielle: for History
09:04:36 PM Darius: what’s that about
09:04:52 PM Danielle: It’s a left perspective of American History
09:05:22 PM Darius: left can mean myriad things
09:05:35 PM Danielle: politics…
09:05:42 PM Danielle: democrat
09:06:01 PM Darius: duh
09:06:16 PM Darius: never mind
09:06:52 PM Danielle: People’s history..as in it is in the perspective of the people
Really. I guess the author interviewed every human being that ever lived, and then wrote a fantastic book about it. Amazing. What a feat. Fuck you, stupid chick. I’m going to sleep. Oh my god, what a titanic whore, she insinuated that I didn’t really have class tomorrow. Fuck you with an oil tanker covered in broken glass, bitch.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 24, 2005 – 8:57 pm
- Author:
- By A.
I have about fifteen minutes until my speech class starts, I’m in the library. I saw Tawna playing cards in the lounge (as usual). I really should scout out what room that class is in. I went home and ate dinner, it was pretty cool. I’m going to start doing that all the time. I mean, for the $6 I would spend at Subway, I can get like a quarter of a tank of gas, and that’s definitely more than one trip home. But I must get going or I’m going to be late, and I hate being late on the first day.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 24, 2005 – 5:05 pm
- Author:
- By A.
My day has actually been pretty darn cool. I moved all my files and folders (physical files) and books and everything at work over to my new workstation. It was actually kind of fun. I thought it would be hell. But it’s not. It actually holds the possibility of being an extremely fun day. I should go to Wal-Mart and get a tie. I know their ties are crap, but it’s better than nothing. All my normal ties have stains on them, and I want to look as professional as possible today. I have no idea why. But I shouldn’t spend any money until I find out how much my books will be. Molly was saying in class this morning that the creative writing book is really expensive, I haven’t looked at the price yet, mostly to save myself from a headache. I should see how much the speech and econ books are, but the bookstore isn’t open. I slept in this morning so I didn’t do the book-buying ritual. I’m waiting until the 31st, when I get paid. Well, at least for the econ one. I need the speech one. Well, maybe on some off chance it is open. I’d better go check and make sure, I hate going to classes with new instructors without the book. Whoa, the wheel is broken on this mouse. Weird.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 24, 2005 – 3:48 pm
- Author:
- By A.
I only got a few hours. I wish I could sleep all day. I wish I didn’t have to go to school/work. All this recent series of yells from my dad has done is to demoralize me and make me feel like nothing I do matters. I hate parents. They just find every possible way to fuck with you. But I should get ready, I slept in too long.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 24, 2005 – 9:33 am
- Author:
- By A.
I hate returning to my real life. The trip to Brookings with Stranger was okay, we checked out some cool spots and stopped at Ray’s to load up on Pop Rocks and soda, it was fun. On the way home we stopped at the mouth of the Smith River, that was kinda cool. But anyway, we ended up going back to his house and fucking. We’d done it before, the night we watched movies and I fell asleep to Blade Runner. I’m disappointed that I’m fucking someone that I don’t find particularly attractive. And disappointed that the condom broke. I know nobody cares about my stupid banal problems. I don’t even care. I’ve just been feeliing…well…suicial I guess would be the best word. I would never kill myself, I mean, not without years of deliberation, but nonetheless I just hate my life as of late. I don’t even know why, nothing has changed. It’s just chemicals. We’re all just chemicals. A long and involved chemical reaction. That’s what all of humanity is. The whole universe. But anyway, I just feel like shit and I think that I’ll feel even more like shit when I have to wake up in a few hours. Maybe I’m feeling depressed because we watched Magnolia. That might be it. I just hate to blog about shit that nobody cares about, things that I don’t even care to remember. It’s not like I would slash my wrists or anything, just every time I do something unsafe (and I think we know the sense in which I mean) I just get into this mood where I’m going to die of AIDS tomorrow and that I hate the world. I’m just paranoid and alone. I couldn’t help thinking of my friends in Sacramento, Kelly and Dan and Becky and everyone…I just love them so much, there everything is perfect, everything matters…stuck in this hellhole nothing matters. I hate how I’ve wasted the best years of my life in this place. My future is already written. And it’s called ‘Night Mother by Marsha Norman. Shit fuck. I should go to sleep. Forget all this nonsense. But there’s no end to any of it. There’s never any end. It sounds melodramatic to say, but I really look forward to death.
Categories: Uncategorized
- Published:
- January 24, 2005 – 4:49 am
- Author:
- By A.