> Ladytron - Seventeen (soulwax mix)

Another night is over. I played Diablo II for hours, I beat Diablo with my Druid Deckard, but to be quite honest, the expansion pack city licks balls. First you go out there to destroy these catapults (which are way too far away from the city to actually do any damage), and then you get to this one point where there are all these little teleporting mini-monsters that shoot at you, it’s mildly annoying. I mean, I would imagine the lord of destruction could spawn some more formidable monsters than those rediculous faggoty teleporting imps that shoot lasers. Mother fuck, you’re supposed to be one of the Prime Evils, Baal. Your annoying, pointless monsters couldn’t scare their way out of a paper bag. Shame on Blizzard Entertainment for creating such a pointless expansion pack. Eh, maybe it will get better. Maybe. I can’t believe I stayed up all night playing. Bad bad bad me. I wouldn’t be so mad at myself for doing it if the expansion city didn’t suck so much ass. I need to brush my teeth and go to bed. Stranger isn’t going to last here. And he’s not cool enough to be Meursault’s namesake. I need to brainstorm a new nickname. I don’t want Monday to come. I don’t want to have to do my speech. I hate talking to people. I hate talking to groups of people just as much as I hate talking to individuals. People disgust me. Fuck. I’m going to sleep.

> Massive Attack - Angel
> Madonna - Physical Attraction

It’s the middle of the night, I worked a little on my speech and played some Diablo II. I’m falling back on my voice recognition to allow me to use the computer. I’m instant messaging Stranger. I just want to go to sleep, but I drank some tea to get me into the speech writing mood. Motherfucker. This voice thing is being shitty. Fuck fuck fuck. I just hate everyone. Oh, I had this really strange dream with Joe in it. For some reason we were hanging out at this gigantic complex of playgrounds and talking. It was just really strange and every few minutes someone would call out “OH MY GOD IS THAT STRONGBAD?” and point and sometimes it would be him and other times it wouldn’t be. Weird. I got really far in Diablo II, I almost got to the point of releasing Diablo, I had about three of the seals open, but the fourth seal conjured up demons that were too powerful for me, even when I morphed into a werebear (which doubles my life). Maybe I’ll play Lavinia, my Assassin. I had high hopes of destroying Diablo with my druid and opening the portal to the expansion pack’s last city. Oh well.

I watched some of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers because there was nothing on TV until dinner. We had meat loaf. Now I’m in my room digesting. I want to play some Diablo II but I get these shooting pains up my forearm when I try to use the mouse. I need to get a computer desk and a wireless mouse, maybe that would help my repetitive strain injury. I found a pretty cool thing, it’s a cost of the war in Iraq counter for my blog. I’m going to go add it. And then maybe read more of my speech book. OUCH! It fucking hurts to type. More later.

> Ladytron - Cease2xist
> Daft Punk - Digital Love
> Björk - Pagan Poetry
> Nine Inch Nails - La Mer

I just played that demo game for a while longer, I managed to not die (but still couldn’t add skill points) until it was all “The demo is over.” I wouldn’t buy it. It’s like RuneScape, with better graphics. Actually, it’s exactly like RuneScape, except that it’s not massively multiplayer. Well now that I think about it, it did have a multiplayer option. Lame. I wish someone would come up with a truly original RPG with more outcomes than “beat the baddies.”

I’m so fucking bored. I hate existing. It’s so disgusting and animalistic. I hate how no thought I think is new. I hate how I’m programmed by television, by novels, existentialism and nihilism are just cogs in the machine. I’m me because someone else thought things. I’m me becuase someone else thought all my thoughts before me so they would be safe, so they could be hardbound in novels and sold at Barnes and Noble for $7.99. I hate products. I hate consumerism. But I can’t hate it. I am a product. I am the system. I am the mirror image of all those products there on the shelves. There’s no point in opposing anything. Anything we oppose we’re programmed to oppose, any way to get out of the system is planned for, with corporate profits to wring out of every possible route. I hate this place.

I guess my only solace in this must be my mortality. I revel in it. I cuddle with it every cold night where I’m so alone, with my only friends so far away. My death. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It comforts me deeply knowing that my endless empty weekends won’t be endless after all. Thank the gods. But anyway, Stranger called me up today because he “missed the sound of my voice.” I’m not sure what that means. But then again I suppose I’m becoming the Taggart I always wanted to be. I really don’t miss people. Well, I do, but I just don’t think about it.

Hm, that reminds me of something. I was sitting in my car parked on the street near my work, listening to music and waiting for it to be time to go in. I was listening to Daft Punk’s Discovery, and this song Digital Love came on, it’s this cute love song, the video is of this anime guy and girl flying around on this planet and being in love and such, and I closed my eyes, trying to picture who would be with me on my flying around on planets in love video. Justin? No. Peng? Hell no. Royce? Maybe…but no. And then, of course, I had to picture Taggart. I guess I didn’t see the harm in it until the fantasy was over, but still. In the past I’d tried so hard, steeled myself not to have any love fantasies (not sexual fantasies, those are harmless) about him, and it was successuful. Last time I saw him I felt absolutely nothing. But slipping backwards isn’t cool. But it was such a cute thing. Oh well. I have to have a fake lover. I mean, that’s what it was the whole time, right?

Stranger just signed on. I’m listening to this remix of Ladytron’s “Seventeen,” it was a bonus track on Light and Magic when I bought it. This remix rocks my crotch. I wish that good songs were sexually stimulating, this song would give me a raging hardon if that were true. Stranger is ranting about this guy Richie that he had a fling with a while ago and didn’t talk to him when he saw him at work. See, he’s already embroiled in the “gay community.” I’m going to try to restrict myself from saying the phrase “I’m so bored” in my blog. But I suppose that would be pointless. It’s 1 a.m. I need to fucking get to sleep.

I was reading some of the speech book. I’m going to fail this class. The book was telling me all this crap about thinking positively, but (as you all know) it’s not like that’s going to happen anytime soon. I’m trying to mold my inexhaustable well of cynicism into some sort of ersatz optomism, inasmuch as I believe that I know how I’m going to do. I dunno. I don’t have time to ponder all of that positive drivel that book has been excreting into my eyeballs. I should finish the chapter. I need to at least do a practice speech, even if I’m going to wing it. Maybe if I practice doing it cold turkey I’ll eventually ascertain what I want to say, what point I want to make, and how I’m going to do it. The beginning is the most important part, and I have no clue how I’m going to start it. Well, my goal for tomorrow is to figure out how to start my speech.

I doubt I’ll do it. I need to go to sleep.

I just played this game called Sacred for about fifteen minutes. It was a very crude copy of Diablo II, but without all the things that make Diablo II cool. Gee, like an easy-to-use way to distribute skill points. The stupid designers of this game suck. And not in a good way either. True, it did have some cool features, but I just hated it. Mostly because I died. And I couldn’t find a way to add my skill points. Fucking gay. And the graphics blew horse cock too. Lame lame lame. But I know I’ll keep playing it, mostly because I have nothing better to do.