> Depeche Mode - Halo

I can’t stop listening to “Halo” and “Sweetest Perfection” over and over tonight…I don’t know why. Josh and I are going to cook tonight, I think that I’m going to make Pad Thai along with some kind of egg soup. But maybe I’ll ditch that and just serve it with rice. I’m not sure. I think that it will be an entree in itself. What I really want is to have some Indian food, but I don’t know what is good. Grr. And I can’t remember what hummus and falafel look like, let alone what they taste like. I hate how un-cosmopolitan I am. I don’t know where one buys curry powder either…hmm. Or the supplies to make California rolls, which I want…badly. Oh well. I guess I’m settling for the Pad Thai. Hmm…this one requires like forty minutes of prep work. I need seaweed, I want to make Japanese food. Darn it, I think that I’m not going to be able to make anything. Fuck. I guess I could make pasta, that’s the old standby. It doesn’t take too many ingredients. If I’m making sauce I might as well make eggplant parmesan. I miss eggplant. I wonder if Josh likes eggplant. Oh poo, I forgot that good sauce takes hours. Damn it. All these recipes take so many ingredients, I’m all discouraged. Maybe we will do it tomorrow. I’m all depressed now. Fuck it. I didn’t accomplish anything today. I suck. Well, I printed out a bunch of different possibilities, I’ll just have to see what the store has. He was supposed to call me around eleven…hmm. Maybe I’ll call him. I have to take a shower. Grr. Hygene. Tomorrow I must practice my speech and write a good scene. I suck. I haven’t imagined anything in months. Just call me Winston Smith.

I wrote a shitty first draft of my “scene.” God, it blew. It wouldn’t be so bad if my wrists weren’t killing me. I need to put on my wrist braces and take a break. Fuck carpal tunnel. Mother fuck, it hurts. It hurts so bad I just want to take my fists and beat my fucking keyboard to shreds. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

> Fischerspooner - You’re My Disco

I’m busily downloading music, avoiding doing my assignment. I gave up on the first one, I’m concentrating on the second one. I have to write a scene where one person wants something that the other one doesn’t want to give. I was thinking of writing a scene that actually happened to me where Josh begged me to go to a movie with him, but I dunno. I should be able to break out of the chains of my real life and imagine something. I’ve decided that I don’t like Rasputina, it puts me to sleep. I’m not sure whether I like the Dresden Dolls or Fischerspooner. Currently I’m downloading Miss Kittin and the Hacker, I’ve only listened to one of their songs, so I’m completely undecided. I must brainstorm further on some sort of scene, then of course come up empty and write the scene of Josh begging me to go with him to a movie.

> Depeche Mode - Halo, Sweetest Perfection

I’ve been listening to Violator while I’ve been reading my creative writing book. I finished chapter one, I should do the exercise. Then I will read chapter 2 and do that excercise. Let’s see…I can write on my experiences of the following:

An early memory
An unfounded fear
A scar
A bad haircut
Yesterday
A sudden change in a relationship
the loss of a small object
Conflict over a lesson you were taught or never taught.
An experience you still do not fully understand

hmm…I’ll write an idea for each:

An early memory - finding a potato bug in the flower bed of my old house in Morro Bay
An unfounded fear - um…my agoraphobia?
A scar - well, I cut my finger with a hatchet cutting wood once, but it’s a lame story
A bad haircut - in 7th grade I got a really really bad haircut, it was SO short but my damn teacher wouldn’t let me wear a hat, but she let the women in the class wear hats. I was very pissed off.
Yesterday - I guess yesterday could qualify, I did some cool stuff, but there is no conflict.
A sudden change in a relationship - um…let’s not go there
the loss of a small object - I can’t really think of anything for this one
Conflict over a lesson you were taught or never taught - um…nobody ever taught me anything.
An experience you still do not fully understand - I understand everything by writing about it.

Okay, there’s some lame ideas. I wonder if this has to be from experience like the book says or if we can fictionalize. You know, I thought this would be easier than writing essays. I hope it doesn’t have to be from experience, my life bores me. I think I’m going to have a snack and read chapter two.

> String Tribute to Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have

I just went on a long, long, long bike ride. At one point I flew over my handlebars into the bushes…it was not fun. But my glasses didn’t break! Woot. I bought Norton Internet Security yesterday, it’s all updated and running, so I feel very secure. I even left my computer on all night last night. I’m talking to my mom on the phone. I have scratches, I guess I should do something with them, but they’re not deep enough to put band-aids on.