> Jamiroquai - Little L

I read my whole Creative Writing chapter, I realize I really need to work on my characters. They are so flat. But that’s the virtue of first drafts, they give you something to make better. But anyway, I went out to my car to get my binder to see if I have an assignment…oh dear, it’s some sort of character chart. I’ll research it more in-depth tomorrow.

I must admit that I was actually listening to the radio tonight–this thing on KHSU called the Zombie Hour. It was great, they played Depeche Mode, VNV Nation, Nine Inch Nails, and Bauhaus. It was pretty darn sweet. I’ll have to listen to it more someday.

I got my new fan churning the cold air from outside into my room, my case temperature was approaching 90 degrees when I last shut it down.

I just feel so alone. But who cares, god. Blah blah blah. Self-important “depression” bullshit. Fucking spare me. I bore myself even in typing about it. Poor poor me all alone.

My mom’s parents have been really really mean to her, I don’t know if I blogged about this, but today when she talked to me she said that they made her call her sister Gail who was so mean to her the week before. They are such fucked up people. I can tell that my mom is all freaked out about it, but what can I tell her? She knows how fucked up her parents are, and she put herself in this situation by moving back there.

I am wasting the best years of my life of my life in this hellhole where there is nobody that I love. It just makes me so sad. I’m not going to be able to buy any new toys for a long time, because there isn’t really anything new that I need. I’ll just be saving up for my eventual iBook purchase.

There’s no point to blogging about depression if it’s caused by ennui. This isn’t true depression. I need to watch my sad movie and cry, but I lent it out ages ago. Oh well. I must get to sleep. It was a mistake to gorge on tacos at 11:30. My whole life was a mistake made by someone else. Nothing is my own. I have no choices. I am a machine.