After I got off work (which wasn’t bad at all, I had a little convo with Matt), I went to the college and Sammie and Steve were there, so Sammie and I went to the beach. The sun was shining, there was a cool breze, and little waves rolled across the rock-filled cove. I cooled off my feet in a tidepool as we talked. Nobody noticed my new shoes I got last night. :( I’m wearing my SG shirt today, I hope someone goes “you’re cool.” But they won’t. Nobody is cool enough to know what SG is, except for Casey. I’m chillin’ (god, who uses that word except for on UPN?) in the Drift office with Sammie, she’s playing this incredibly strange game where you work in a restaurant. It’s like working a minimum-wage job…but on a computer, for no wages.

I get to go to Econ tonight, I wonder if me and Joe will hang out. I am soooo tired. If we do, it’s going to require an egregious consumption of caffiene on my part. Oh lol, one of the people at my work actually told the annoying girl at my job “I really just have to get back to work.” I was thrilled by that. And Susan lent me a movie called L.A. Confidential. I’m sure it’ll be good, Susan is the shiznite.

Man, last night was so strange. I went to sleep at like 5 p.m. and woke up around nine, when Ben called me. I did my creative writing assignment and he did some reading he had to do, and then around eleven we started our journey looking for Royce. We went out to his house, but he wasn’t there, so we left a message on his door and went back to town. We hung out at KidTown for a while, then went over to Josh’s to see if Charley was online. He wasn’t, but as soon as we left Josh pulled up. We hung out for a while, he was really pissing me off. I’ll elaborate later.

Well anyway, Ben had lost this tie he had, so we went back to Royce’s house to look for it, and we found two of his windows broken out and all this glass everywhere and his dogs walking around in it. So we cleaned it all up and left him a new message, then we went and looked for his tie, which we found. I dropped Ben off and I went home, and right as I was getting ready for bed, Royce called! We talked for a little bit, it turned out one of his friends had gotten drunk and broke them. He said he’d call me when he had some time to hang out, I hope he does. I went on this big diatribe when I was at Josh’s house about how the world is screwed up, and he’s all “well then why don’t you go jump off a cliff.”

He just really pisses me off. He has no taste in movies or music, and has settled for living in some shitty town and dating a cheerleader. Maybe it’s something in the city water that makes people lose their fucking minds.

I’m so tired and I’m not quite sure why. I mean, I got nine hours of sleep–but I’m exhausted. Lame. Me and Ben hung out for a while last night, it was raining like hell and I almost lost control of the car on certain places in the road because of giant puddles. I put a movie on and I showed him pictures and videos from my last trip to Sacramento, and we looked at the pics from when me and him went to Humboldt Pride, it was fun. He had to go back relatively soon though because he’s a minor and his driver’s license expires at midnight.

I washed all my towels last night and forgot to put them in the dryer until like ten minutes ago, so I have this sinking feeling that I’m going to be really really late. I don’t know why I’m so apocalyptically tired. Oh, when I get paid this week I’m going to buy myself a remote control for my computer, the

ATI Remote Wonder

It’ll be nice not to have to get up to pause, fast-forward, and adjust the volume of a movie. Well, I’d better get into the shower, even if I won’t have dry towels when I get out. Woe is me. Well, more like laziness is me.

As you can see, I’ve redesigned my site. I like it. I did the thing where I go to sleep right after dinner and wake up at about midnight, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I like the new design. Hopefully I can get some work done on the about me page this week. God I’m tired. I think I’m going to take a nap or something. I’m still not prepared for my speech. Crapola. And I still couldn’t come up with an overheard convo. I got one, but it was only eight lines. At least I tried, right? Fuck. I wish I could talk about why I feel this way, why I’m in this mood, but I can’t. I have to let it fester inside me. Maybe I should start a private “diary” or something. But I guess it’s the same thing, once it’s out there in black and white and in print, you are culpable for your feelings and assertions. I’m just sick of everything.

That whole partying with my coworkers thing this weekend was SO freaking strange. I am going to be SO weirded out for so long. I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and write passionately about whatever the fuck I wanted, but I can’t. Fuck. Pretty soon I’m not going to know anyone who gets me to talk about things I can’t post. Kelly gets me, Molly gets me, Becky gets me. Other than that, I’m stranded in the desert of the real. Language can’t express anything. Fuck. I feel so alone in this town even though I’m with people all the time.

I had this horrible dream tonight that my mom was dying from being hit by this giant wave and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I just felt so helpless. When I woke up from that I realized that yes, my mom is going to die, and I need to prepare myself. I had never before even concieved of the possibility. I helped my mom print some CD labels today. She’s getting DSL, so we will have full video voice chats from Monday on. That should be cool. Well, my wrist is killing me and I can’t vent my angst by blogging, so I guess I should just go to sleep. Fuck.

Aww, what a sad movie, but it was SO cool, the characters are just like me, and I totally saw some props that were used in his other movie The Living End. So sad. Teen angst. L.A.

I(heart) Gregg Araki.