I just got some pics off my camera, here’s me coloring my hair yesterday:

Here is the brownie abortion. It was missing two eggs and a half-cup of flour:

> Elastica - Human

I just found this really cool external video input/output thingy so if I wanted to I could edit video from a camcorder and/or import my movies that are on VHS tapes and such. I was just wondering if I’d be able to do it:

the cool video edity thing

I’m really bored. I guess Josh isn’t getting off work. I have nothing to do until tomorrow. I’m dreading work tomorrow. My back is killing me. I need to buy a workstation chair tomorrow. That’s my goal. And to set up my eye appointment. Shit, I need to make a list:

Buy a workstation chair
cash paycheck
put $100 in savings account
call to make eye appointment
call to make car appointment
bake my dad brownies to placate him
send my mom the movies I bought her ages ago

Well, I cleaned up my room a bit today, that’s something of an accomplishment. And I read another chapter in A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genious. and I changed my the stuff up in my windows and put up curtains. I guess I could bake the brownies now, it’s not like I’m doing anything else. Time to power up the mp3 player. I’m really glad I bought that thing.

My dad asked something today about the Nine Inch Nails concert that I had weeks ago talked about wanting to go to. The sad thing was that I barely remembered saying anything about it. I’m so inured to this life here that the whole rest of the world doesn’t seem real any more. Yes, I know, yawn at the solipsism, but still. Kelly sent me an e-mail weeks ago and I never replied. I meant to, I mean I meant to with all my heart but I just couldn’t. It’s just…I have no idea what’s going on there, I feel like a fool leaving weepy “I miss you” comments on Kelly and Becky’s MySpace profiles. I feel like a loser. I hate being stuck in this place. Well, maybe once I’m not a teenager any more I won’t feel like this. Only 8 more months until then. It’s going to take me forever to graduate because I can’t take a full load of classes. Josh will have his “girlfriend” move in and then when my dad kicks me out I’ll be out on the street. Fuck.

I just made some brownies, but shit face (my dad) didn’t have any flour or eggs so I just put everything else in the fucking bowl, mashed it around, and put it in the motherfucking pan. If I’m going to fucking take time out of my day to make him brownies, he’d better get the fucking ingredients. I actually even toyed around with the idea of driving to the little store to get flour, but fuck it. I don’t give a shit about him. He’s so fucking cheap. Can’t even buy the ingredients to make his favorite fucking snack. They had the consistency of mashed potatoes mixed with oily dirt when I put them in the pan. I hope they’re fucking disgusting. I just want to scream. I’m angry about something. It’s one of those “everything in the past few weeks has built up to this so I just have to go outside and scream ‘fuck’ at the top of my lungs” things. But no. Maybe I’ll just go to sleep early. He didn’t even have the decency to call me back. I have no friends. Joe is in Mexico. I don’t know why. I didn’t ask. My hair is fried and looks horrible. I look horrible. I just ate this giant bowl of ribs because I was depressed about my baking failure even though it wasn’t my fault. I hate myself. I’m going to go read or something. And to top it all off, Blogger decided to take a shit on me and it hasn’t been working for hours. I would gladly pay a few fucking dollars a month so that it would just FUCKING WORK *bangs head against keyboard*

> Angelfish - Sleep With Me
> Madonna - Where’s The Party

I’m eating this HUGE lump of rock candy, it’s SOOOO yummilicious! I was cleaning my room, but I got fed up with how I couldn’t get around at all because of my giant rocking chair and “desk” that I use my computer on. So I’ve made up my mind to spend my next paycheck on a nice computer desk and workstation chair. I left Josh a message to see if he’s going to get off work in time to go browse office furniture with me. I’m dancing around my room to this old Madonna LP I picked up like 6 months ago. I really need to buy some new records. I’ve been feeling the need to paint, I should go into town and get a canvas, but I just can’t justify the expense right now. Once I have money it’ll be another story.

Me and Josh hung out last night. We rented movies and saw Cube Zero, the prequel to Cube, and The Saddest Music In The World, which bored me, but it was trying so hard to be artsy it wasn’t so bad at all. Josh has a girlfriend now. How pathetic it must be to not know who one is. I would even have respect for his “discovery” if some cool hot chick converted him, but no. It’s this naive imbecilic Crescent City-ite who looks like she’s fifteen. Paging Dr. Freud. Most of the visit was spent watching Family Guy while he attempted to get rid of her. He’s so boring, all this lame talk about being “happy.” Well, if happiness is screwing some fifteen-year-old idiot to massage my atrophied self-worth, I’ll gladly be the saddest person in the world.