Monthly Archives: March 2005

human after all 0

> Daft Punk – Robot Rock [the shit!]
> Dandy Warhols – Boys Better

I just downloaded Daft Punk’s new CD Human After All and I must say it rocked my crotch. I wasn’t too impressed by the new NIN single. Yawn. I guess I was expecting another Downward Spiral or The Fragile. I hope the single is just something to get all the ninnies who wear the black AFI shirts (there’s a fucking army of them) to buy his CDs and pay his bills. I want to hear some pain, not some pansy post-Industral shit.

Me and Josh and another of our friends hung out tonight, we went to dinner at The Grotto. It was nummy. But afterwards Josh and I were supposed to like hang out and watch a movie but as soon as we got to his house I realized it would be midnight before he actually had any time to do anything with me. As soon as we got into the house, it was his vacuous warm squishy place on the phone, and I could tell this was goign to turn into a two-hour emotional maintenance call. I fucking hate immature people always whining about their feelings when they’re really too childish and imbecilic to really feel emotions at all. But anyway, I was just overwhelmed with this revulsion and I had to get out of there. I grabbed UCB and The Tenant and got the hell out of there. My car wasn’t acting up too bad today. I’m kinda freaking out about my car appointment tomorrow…they could say that it’s unfit to drive and then I’ll be stuck there and miss work. I’m going to have to get my dad to promise to stay in the house near the phone.

But anyway, I realized on the drive home why I have much more respect for Joe than I do Josh. Joe doesn’t want to just fuck some blonde bimbo, he wants to love someone who embodies his highest virtues–or at least somebody that likes trigonometry. Josh is only going out with his orifice to make him feel better about himself, and to make himself feel superior (which isn’t too hard).

As Ayn Rand says: “Love is the expression of one’s values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another.”

In my opinion, to “go out” with someone (or at least for me to) is to try to form a lasting bond, something that could last for the rest of one’s life. But no. He actually said to me, and I quote: “I don’t need to have intellectual discussions with her because I already have them with you.” You know, she’s actually a cheerleader. I rest my case.

And not to mention our complete lack of a common ground with his newfound vagina obsession. Fucking paging Dr. Freud. We have no common ground except for the tenuous one of movies.

He just called me. He knows that me backing out of social engagements is very rare. I’m starting to dislike this CD. All the synths are the same. But I like the single. Fuck. I missed Family Guy. Hmm..maybe there’s one at 11:30. Better check.

Oh, Molly gave me back Requiem For A Dream. I should watch it tomorrow or something. Try not to imagine myself in Taggart’s arms crying. I’m such a horrible person. I haven’t talked to Kelly or Dan in months.

Omg! I was watching some porn I downloaded today and they were fucking to CHER. As if that could be more of a turnoff. But then the next song was “Cosmic Girl” by Jamiroquai, and I was all into it then. But come on…who has sex to Cher? Revolt me.

I guess I should transfer all my money into my checking account in case I need to pay them some outrageous amount of money. Well, no matter how outrageous it is, I would gladly pay it to get my car working well again. I have a grand total of $600 saved up. I’d better not end up blowing it all on this fucking car. Fuck. I’m going to try to get to sleep. Nah, not really. I’m going to go into the living room and see if Family Guy is on.

meeting 0

The staff at my work had some sort of meeting today, and I was not invited. I know it would be pointless for me to attend, because I do tasks that they are not concerned with, but I just felt left out. First I get moved from my nice corner desk around all the other people to the one facing the wall, and then this. I’m the red-headed stepchild of this office.

deus ex machina 0

Everybody loved my story!!! EEK!!! I don’t feel like an imbecile now. Even Samantha, who I thought would abhor it, liked my story. I was very surprised. Yay! And my speech class is cancelled too! W00t! And my car didn’t break down (yet). I keep watching the iPod Shuffle ad because of that catchy song. I have been trying to not buy one, and trying not to avow how much I like Jamiroquai. I must buy this one CD by him. It’s sad. Um…I could drive home now or I could go to Josh’s house and wait for him to get off work. Hm. I don’t really feel like hanging out with him right now. But I really don’t want to hang out with my dad. Evilness. Oh yeah, I have to get up hella early tomorrow…but then again I’ll get enough sleep if I leave his house by midnight, and he gets off at seven, so it’s plenty of movie time. Hmm.

Oh yeah, I re-decided to get the 12″ PowerBook for $1500. It is so easy to steal, and that was my biggest thing against it. But the thing is, I’m not an idiot. I just won’t take it out of my house. I’ll get a palmpilot with wifi, a Blackberry, or something like that later on if I want a tech device that I can keep on me 24/7. In this town I feel weird carrying around my $100 mp3 player. Damn it, I should sell my mp3 player on eBay. I can probably get half my money back or so. And then I can get an iPod Shuffle, which would be soooo much cooler. But not until after I save up for my PowerBook. I’m going to have to wait a few more months for the PowerBook, since OS X Tiger doesn’t come out until the middle of the year.

Okay, I’m still undecided. Oh, let’s see if he wants to go to Brookings, that would be fun. Hmm. Pager number. I think I wrote it down at his house. Off to the car! And I can write my speech outline at his house too.

umm…got here 0

I woke up extra early to drive to school in case my car died and I had to bike part of the way. But it worked perfectly. It would have only died had I not had a plan B (the bike). But yeah. I get critiqued in twenty minutes. I’m so not ready. I wish I would have had more time so I could have made it a good story, not a shitty first draft. I hate myself for not writing my speech outline. Oh well. Great. Someone just came in here. Fucking Kerf people. They should die. Slowly.

I should get to class. Eh, I have ten minutes. The critique would have gone down in history as one of the greatest in history, and one of the few chosen? And not just Asia. Lmao. I should get to class, I’ve gone a whole week without making fun of Angela, it will be nice to get back into the swing of things.

the conclusion 0

It’s over. This weekend I worked on Matt’s website, washed my clothes, did my creative writing assignment, and ate some yummy tacos while watching Family Guy. I should have done my speech outline, but I guess I will have a bunch of time to do it since I’m not going to go home after work. Well, I’ll have two hours. Damn. That’s not much time at all. Eh, it’s only 12:32. I should just get it done.

movies. 0

I was feeling depressed so I signed up for Netflix. I need something to do on these endless nights alone. And I think some eye candy and brain candy is in order.

Omg. I was looking at my Amazon.com wish list and it turns out that the Gregg Araki movie I bought on eBay (Totally F***ed Up) is being re-released on DVD. That’s why the guy was selling it. Lame. I’m going to have to buy it twice. Oh well. I hope it’s good. The first two movies I get from Netflix will be Velvet Goldmine and Kids. God, next week is going to be SO stressful. I hope it stops raining by Monday. My worst nightmare would be my car breaking down in the rain. Good thing my dad is retired now. I am SO fucked if it dies. I just need to go to sleep.

Yay, I bought myself an SG t-shirt! I feel much better now. I’m off to sleep. I hate impulse buys…but they make me feel better. You only live once. And more cliches. Must sleep.

nothing can take me apart 0

> Assemblage 23 – Naked

I love this band, I should download more of their music. I had a bit of an epiphany tonight…it was the strangest thing, it happened while I was watching Sabrina: The Teenage Witch and the current of my mind was eating away at my techlust and all that other stuff, and I was watching Sabrina’s adventures in college, and I was all “I want to have adventures” and I realized that I need to stop concentrating on computers, and I need to concentrate on going to a 4-year school.

I need to get my bachelor’s degree.
I need to go to clubs.
I need to fuck hot guys.
I need to get a job that will allow me to buy endless toys.

I need to not waste the best years of my life.
I need to not wake up tomorrow and be forty.
I need to not die alone.

I need to believe in an essential self.
I need to believe that it’s possible to find someone to love.
I need to believe that there’s a reason to live.

But there isn’t. We’re amoebas…responding to stimuli, reproducing, producing, consuming. Machines. That’s all we are. Fucking hell. But next summer I’m going to Switzerland, that should be fun. Oh, I guess I never said anything about that. My mom has a friend (from her fishing years) that lives in Switzerland and we’re going to go hang out there. I should start learning some German.

Something happened to my computer and all of the sudden it’s being incredibly sluggish. I don’t know why. Fuck. I’ll restart.

I get to wait 0

I was cruising rumor and opinion message boards about Apple’s iMac and PowerMac, and I realize that all the models have some negative factor that makes me not want to buy them. I can’t find a perfect computer. I want a computer that is powerful and portable.

Mac Mini:
Power – with processor speeds up to 1.4GHz and a really crappy video card, I won’t be doing much on it.
Portability – I would have to lug around an external display and the mouse and keyboard, but the computer itself is only 6x6x2 inches.

iMac:
Power: G5 processor up to 1.8GHz, which is pretty freaking sweet, but it has a low-end video card with only64 megs of RAM, and you can’t use a dual-monitor setup, the video output is solely a mirror.
Portability – the whole machine is just a 2-inch thick LCD, just grab the wireless mouse and keyboard and throw it all in the car.

iBook/Powerbook:
Power: iBooks have incredibly slow processor speeds but are cheap enough to carry around without too much worry, PowerBooks have incredible performance but are too expensive for me to carry around.
Portability: They’re laptops, so they are portable…but with that level of portability comes the ease with which they would get stolen.

So basically this is what I need:

A Mac Mini with a G5 processor around 1.5GHz
An eMac with a more robust video card that supports dual displays and that has a firewire 800 port.
A PowerBook that isn’t so incredibly expensive
An iBook that isn’t powered by the processor equivalent of a steam engine

I hope at that conference they’re having in June in San Fransisco they unveil some cool new thing. I was reading this one guy’s opinion that the iMac is the precursor of a Mac tablet PC, which would be so cool, but is unrealistic. So I’m waiting. For prices to go down, for processor speeds and capabilities to go up, and for a computer that is both portable and powerful. I guess I have a while to wait.

Well, at least I have my current computer, Navarre. It can do everything I want, which is totally sweet. Except for being portable. And the thing is, most of the inside of the case is just empty space. Lame. I should get a firewire hard drive enclosure. That will allow me to use my current 200GB drive with the new computer I’ll eventually get. Eh, might as well sell it and get a different external drive. I dunno. I’m in a comptuer quandary. I’m just hoping that they’ll unveil something cool at WWDC. If not, then I guess I’ll just settle for the sad video performance of the iMac. Hm, let’s see…the iMac G5 was released August or so of 2004. I would imagine they would update the product line sometime this year. I just don’t know.

Fuck. I spend so much time on this crap. I need to get a life. I’ll just plan on the fact that by the time I have enough money to buy an iMac, they’ll have added a firewire 800 port, dual display capability, and a more robust video card. Okay. I’m done. I’m going to go make myself dinner.

I guess I’m talking about all this crap because I really am putting off working on my speech. It’s such a big part of my grade. God. I’m not ready at all to give it. Shit.

fuck you dad 0

I had such a relaxing day since my dad was gone this weekend. I got up and made myself a nice delicious breakfast (without the incesant blaring of the TV at an ear-splitting volume) then I worked on that guy’s website for a few hours (while listening to the string tribute to Nine Inch Nails, which is impossible to listen to with the TV blaring in the other room). I went outside, fed the dog and cats, and was just preparing for a nice shower when guess who comes home.

I guess it must have been my fault. I guess interpreting “We’ll be back late Sunday” as we’ll be back late Sunday was a faux pas. I guess in his imbecilic world, Sunday is Saturday. White is black. Girls are boys. I’m pissed. I can’t have ONE FUCKING DAY OF MOTHERFUCKING PEACE. No. Never. Fucking never. But at least I got a lot done on that site, except for the banner image. It won’t load. EVER. The HTML that I upload is not the HTML that the browser brings back when I go to the site. It’s incredibly frustrating, and it’s supposed to be impossible. The file I upload is supposed to be the file that the browser brings back. But it’s NOT. THE FUCKING CODE IS CHANGED. WHO FUCKING CHANGES IT? CUZ I MOTHERFUCKING DON’T.

But I suppose I’m taking this whole web design thing a bit too personally. I get VERY angry when things that have always worked for years and years suddenly don’t work. I hate his hosting service. With a passion.

But anyway, now that my plan for the night (a relaxing shower, watch a movie on IFC, make myself some dinner, etc) are foiled, I’m just going to sit in my room and be mad. I have to write the outline for my speech tonight.

Oh, this morning (2 p.m., but still morning for me) I made myself eggs, hash browns, and toast. It was soooo good. Yummilicious. Just couldn’t let such a good meal disappear without being entered into the annals of history.

But yeah. Angry. He has to screw everything up. Bastard.

car trouble: the augury of a bad day to come 0

Just when I thought that today was going fine, it crapped out.

At work, more files came in so I was able to process them to make my boss happy, I had the answer to every question that was asked of me, and people that I called actually called me back. What a concept! I woke up refreshed—oh crap, I have to send Matt Crawford an e-mail or call him. Shoot. I forgot about that. See, this is where having a notebook computer would be cool…I could just take it out of my car and go to work on that website, but nooo. Evil world. Anyway, everything was going good…the annoying girl at work is having some sort of party that she didn’t invite me to. I guess all of my silent derision has actually been gaining strength against her fortress of perpetual banal blabbering. But anyway, I’m at Josh’s house..he’s at work.

What happened was that I got in my car and was driving home when my car stalled out. It did it three more times, all at stop lights. Freaking out, I drove here, and Josh was home. We hung out for a bit but he had to go to work, so after he left I drove frantically (I don’t know where I was going) then parked in the Ray’s Food Place parking lot to sit and think for a while. I decided to go back to Josh’s house and call the auto repair place someone at Josh’s work had suggested.

I had to call my mom first for a pep talk, then I call them to find out that they’re booked until next week. My god. So I’m too afraid to drive home and then be stranded there all weekend, so I decided to just sit here and think for a while. I paged Josh, and he called back after a while. I’m supposed to think about what I want to do. I guess the most prudent thing would be to wait here until he gets off work….or something. I don’t know what to do.

His girlfriend Kayla is supposed to show up around five or so, and he gets off at like midnight. I think that she will either totally piss me off, totally annoy me, or totally bore me. I’m hoping for the latter, just for my friendship with Josh’s sake. I guess I should work on my speech outline, but I don’t feel like doing anything but wallowing in self pity. Oh yeah, I can distract myself with technology! I’ll set up a guest account on Josh’s comptuer for me and Kayla to use. I told him I’d do that. Sweet.