I feel proud of myself, I just read chapters 10 and 11 of my Creative Writing book. I’m all done. I can burn the thing if I want to, it’s all in my brain now. But I don’t feel like doing the quizzes now. It’s ten minutes until my speech class and I have to see if the library has a scanner so I can piece together the pages from my novel into something I can walk around my house reading aloud without having to flip pages. God, that was a sentence. Anyway, I must go.
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> Beck – E-Pro
> Jamiroquai – Feels So Good
> Nine Inch Nails – All The Love in the World
> The Caesars – Jerk it Out
> Nine Inch Nails – Slipping Away
Today hit me hard. Too hard. I guess I should have seen it coming. Tracy, one of the janitors at my college, was arrested for statutory rape of Amanda, this loony girl that I used to be friends with (before her psychotic break). So now, since I used to be at the top of her hit list, I am now intimately involved in the case.
Being an übergeek finally paid off, I suppose. Back when Amanda had a lawyer and was supposedly threatening to sue me for copyright (or something like that), I went to her “secret blog” and copied all the entries, saving them to a RAR on my FTP site. Now those entries are becoming more relevant. Omg, they are still on my FTP site. I knew I backed them up on a DVD-ROM, but I didn’t know they were still on there. I wonder what I should do with them. Print them out? I’ve heard that Tracy’s attorney is looking for more insight into what’s going on. I’m sure the entries would be interesting. Shit. I came into the library to do work, now I can’t think about anything else but the impending drama.
I came in here to do my creative writing work. And to try to memorize the passage from Nausea that I’m supposed to do for my final in Speech. Shit. I meant to get my oil changed today, but I didn’t get around to that either. But the cool thing is that Joe fixed my mp3 player! W00t for Joe! I can again listen to cool music no matter where I am. I need new headphones though.
I meant to go put the revision of my story in Molly’s box, but I haven’t done that either. Crapola. Me and Joe stopped at Josh’s house (I was starving) after dropping off Naiya at Castle Rock and the Creepy Roomate of Doom was there, watching Family Guy. I made some rice and we attempted to have it not be strange, but it was. I guess I should have tried harder at conversation, but it’s Family Guy–it deserves all the attention one can give it. Okay, I think I’m going to turn off my mp3 player and read those last few chapters from the Creative Writing book and then do my quizzes and character chart. I must distance myself from this debacle through work.
If anyone wants to read Amanda’s old blog, type the following in your browser:
http://www.retroviral.net/blog/amanda/05.txt
For the next months, type in “06,” “07,” etc. The last month is “09.”
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Hold your breath and count to ten
fall apart then start again
start again
start again
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Today has been very strange. I’m trying to stop typing, so I’m using my voice recognition program. I keep playing Dance Dance Revolution, but keep getting shitty scores. It’s because of my shitty dance mat. Or perhaps because of my budget USB adapter. Or perhaps there’s some sort of delay that’s throwing my timing off, since my processor usage zooms up to 100% every time I open the Dance Revolution program. I have been drooling over the new iMac G5s. I want the 20 in. widescreen model. It’s about $1600. However the 17 in. model would be fine, and it’s only $1400. I really want to save up a bunch of money and get it, but saving up $400 would be pointless since I have to get new glasses and get some stuff in my car fixed. That’s going to eat right through my iMac budget. It makes me sad that I can’t get ahead. I was thinking about selling some of the things that I own, for example my $250 boots or my expensive kilt, but I know that I would just sell them and end up using the money for some mundane crap like glasses or car repairs.
I need to do two or three assignments today, and to prepare for my apocalyptic last speech, which is worth 100 points. I want to do an interpretation from Nausea. I should probably get started learning it. I think that I would be more motivated to do my work if it didn’t involve pain. However, I’m actually getting pretty good results using this voice recognition program. When the house is silent and my dad doesn’t have the TV blasting I can actually get some good recognition. I need to get out my book and time my self to see if the passage that I selected is around five minutes… or 10 minutes. I suppose I should go in my car and get out my syllabus. That’s what I’ll do.
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check this out.
I have to do homework today :(
Grr. I had this weird dream that I didn’t go to work because I didn’t want to. I think I’m going to play DDR. And then watch a movie. And then do my homework. Today is going to be soooo boring.
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Went to Katherine’s Cinco De Mayo party, it was uberfun. But like, even better than that, Apple rolled out their next generation iMac that has all the things that I wanted! A few months ago, I was all “I don’t want an iMac because it’s expensive and doesn’t have integrated wireless, bluetooth, or a robust enough processor or graphics card” but the new iMacs have all that stuff and they are less expensive! I love technology. I only need to come up with $300 or so to get it. I can’t wait to have a truly portable computer! Yay!
(add here all the crap about my wrists hurting and me hating not being able to blog)
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I just made you up to hurt myself. I just made you up to hurt myself.
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> Nine Inch Nails – Only
OMG OMG OMG OMFG OMFG that is like the best song ever. I was fucking blasting it all day long. It took me all night after the release to download With Teeth. I’m not really such a big fan of anything but Only and All The Love In The World, but I think the rest of the CD will grow on me, since I’m in like orgasmic bliss from Only.
Anyway, I’m at Josh’s house after work and his phantom date fleed to his bedroom as soon as I arrived. I guess I used to be hella introverted because I remember doing the same thing one time, but now I’m much much more extroverted. I wonder if he’ll come out and say hi. I wonder if I should start playing DDR. Would that freak him out? Should I go in there and try to say “hi?” Well, if he fleed in the first place that means that he doesn’t want to talk to me. I guess. Well, I have the living room and that’s all that matters. I guess I’ll get into some DDR action once I finish my online tasks. My stupid mouse hasn’t shipped yet, psha.
I hope he comes out and talks to me, since I don’t want to be stuck without a home base for the obligatory Joe/me/Ben Thursday night hang out session. I guess I should start DDR-ing, that way it would be less embarrassing for him to come out of the room and be like “wtf?” than for me to venture into the inner sanctum and be all “Hello, stranger.”
Okay, I don’t have class until six-thirty-ish, and I can’t exactly go home, but I don’t want this standoff to continue for hours on end. Shit. I guess I could go home and play it in my cool sound system. Hmm. And perhaps I could watch a movie. Nah, I’d just play DDR.
OMG! One of my best friends ever brought me lunch today! It was so cool. I’m all jealous that they (footnote) get to hang out with Susan and I don’t. :(
(footnote) I am henceforth going to use the world they as a neuter of he or she. I don’t care if it’s right or not, English just has to develop a word that means he/she.
But anyway, I can’t deal with the standoff much more. I guess I should leave. I guess it was a mistake to come here. Because of loser head, I have to waste yet more gas. Hmm. I guess I could go to the Drift office and DDR…but that would be so unprofessional I couldn’t do that. I can just imagine Mr. Letko coming in right when I’m in the hardest part of a song. I hear noises. Perhaps the dude is venturing out. Eh, it’s weird. Aha, I’ll be all “Okay, I’m leaving…you can have the living room back.” before I go and then he might be all “cool” and come introduce himself. Probably not though. But this is driving me to blog, and I should just get the hell out of here while I haven’t embarrassed myself. Okay. Must go. Now.
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I hate this–not being able to express my feelings since my wrists hurt. My new mouse hasn’t shipped yet, I hope it will tomorrow. Then it would maybe get here by Saturday. Maybe. Me and Ben hung out tonight and watched infomercials. Josh had a date. Me and Ben were being all nosy about the guy, of course. Oh, since I got my DDR adapter and pad, I set up Stepmania on his laptop and was playing for hours at his house between the time I got off work until I had my speech test. OMG it was so fucking easy, it was all just English 1B crap and common sense. I got my mom her mother’s day card and sent it today. She’ll like it. Crap. My wrist already hurts.
As much as I don’t want to be, I’m still bummed that Royce is gone and I miss him. I’m so fucking pathetic. He was telling me all these horrible mean things his ex said to him and I just wanted to hold him and tell him that he was a good, sensitive caring person and he didn’t deserve any of that shit. But I hardly know him. I’m just being a sentimental loser. We watched that short film that I had loved called Magnetic Rose and he was laughing at this one part where this father sees his child die and I thought to myself “You know, I’m just a maudlin fool.” I should have been laughing at that death. Oh, I devised another inside joke to myself. The first one was to put a Bush/Cheney sticker right under my Kerry/Edwards sticker. I plan to buy a whole bunch of vintage campaign stickers and put them on my car for kicks. But anyway, my new plan is to get a cross to put on the chain I always wear around my neck. It would be incredibly amusing (to me).
But my wrists are killing me so I must go back to my world of isolation where I can’t write about my feelings any more. Monkey fuck. I’m up late copying DVDs, of course. This weekend I have to watch:
Naked Lunch
Primer (Susan recommended this one)
Logan’s Run
They should be good, especially Naked Lunch. I love David Cronenburg.
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Patrick signed off. Now I’m really alone. I should go to sleep and get tomorrow over with.
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