> Gwen Stefani - What Are You Waiting for?
> Nine Inch Nails - Reptile

I saw it coming, but it was still a bit of a shock. Ripley broke up with me tonight. I felt like a fool driving up there just so he could tell me that he’s fucking his abusive roommate again. I guess I could cry about it, but I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m 98% sure that no one will ever love me, so this really is just more jamais vu. Nothing ever is new. Always stays the same, nothing ever changes, English summer rain, seems to last for ages.

What a fool I truly am. I’m just so desperate for anything, any little bit of affection that I will throw caution to the wind and love someone unconditionally. I must get out of this town.

I’m trying not to think of all the beautiful things that we did together. I almost got a bit choked up on the way home, but there was not a drop of tears. It was only like three days. I’m not that fucking maudlin. But at least I will be wholeheartedly attacking the database tomorrow to make me forget about him. My car has been really acting up, I need to call and make an appointment tomorrow morning.

Oh yeah, I was feeling prosperous earlier tonight before I went to see him, so I bought a cell phone. It’s the same service as Joe’s phone. I’m not going to tell my mother. She will waste all my minutes in the first two days.

I don’t know where she’s going to stay. I need to ask Misty and Selena if it might be OK, and if not, I need to tell her to cancel the tickets. I’m a horrible person. That’s why no one can love me.

I need to get to sleep and not think about Ripley. This is going to be hell. I’m going to have to start looking at porn again. There will be a transition period. I chose the expedited shipping on my cell phone. Hopefully it will be here to make me happy in no time at all. If America has taught us anything, it’s that love comes from things not people.

Need to contaminate to alleviate this loneliness
I now know that the depths I reach are limitless