I’m so fucking tired today. I shouldn’t have stayed up until 4 a.m. Oh well.

> Basement Jaxx - Broken Dreams

Insert a long, ranting post where I discuss how Justin and everybody hung out at Selena and Misty’s house and how I hated every fucking second of it. Insert parts about Misty not liking my favorite movie when she hadn’t even sat down and watched it. Insert me feeling like a petulant stupid ugly whore. Insert me feeling so unloved and empty even though I had just hung out with one of my favorite people ever earlier that night. Insert me the missing Ripley like there is no tomorrow simply because of all the old high school pain of seeing Justin again.

I don’t fucking care if Justin is the nicest person in the world now.

He broke my fucking heart for the first time. And I’ll never forget that. Ever.

Fuck him. Fuck everyone that likes him.

There are no words.

I just want to get into a corner, cover myself with blankets, and cry. But there’s no point in that. No one would ever come to comfort me. I’m an orphan in this town. My father doesn’t love me, my mother’s 3,000 miles away.

It always sounds cheesy and pathetic when it’s all typed out for everyone to see, but I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.

For two days I had that. Two days wasn’t enough to heal all of my pain. I just hate myself. I’m just so needy. Nobody will ever love me.

Tomorrow my boss is going to say “How was your weekend?” and I’ll have to say that nothing happened. A something did happen. I died a little more inside. In 10 years or so there won’t be anything of me left. I will be a cold heartless shell. Fuck. Fuck everything. I’m going to sleep.