At least I learned one thing today. If I really ever do have a bunch of semen on my pants in public, I can just tell people that my cat has this white medication that he got all over me (which was what happened today). Mouhahaha.

> Marilyn Manson - Para-noir
> Placebo - Days Before You Came
> Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)
> Basement Jaxx - Where’s Your Head At
> Moby - In This World
> Garbage - Temptation Waits
> Scissor Sisters - Tits on the Radio

I got done with work awhile ago, and now I’m bored and cruising MySpace. One me and my cousin’s enemies in Sacramento has now developed a taste for one of my favorite bands (Placebo). She needs to choke on a cock and die. I absolutely loathe cruising MySpace, because I inevitably find the profiles of the people I want to hang out with but they all hang out with my enemies so I know that it would be pointless to ever try to message them because if they hang out with people I don’t like then I know that once I got to know them they wouldn’t be as cool as their MySpace profiles suggest.

I keep feeling like I want to read, but I can’t seem to get out of this chair. I really want to use the Internet, but there is nothing to use it for. None of my friends are online.

I’m so bored and horny. Jeez..horny. That word is so–vulgar. Lol, in finding a synonym for an online, I came across its origin. A horn was once a euphemism for an erect penis. Lol. That is just not sexy at all. Oh yeah…poke me with your horn. That just brings back Rosemary’s Baby flashbacks. Creepy.

Great, Merriam-Webster has no synonyms for the word horny. I am too tired to invent one. I couldn’t help but stare at John when I was at Amanda’s house. But I must not even entertain such a notion. I could have better conversations with a blowup doll than I could have with John. The prospect of a convo with him does not seem enjoyable in the least.

Oh cool! Misty just called me. She said she’s been working a bunch of crazy hours and hasn’t had time to call me back. She wants me to come over, and I agreed. But after hanging out with Amanda and Sarah…

Let’s put it in an analogy. I love analogies! I got all of them correct on my SAT.

Hanging out with Amanda et al is to hanging out with Misty et al as a four-course meal in a French restaurant is to plain, unflavored oatmeal.

That was fun. If you didn’t get that, just give up. Apply at Burger King. Resign yourself to your meaningless, pathetic existence. But for the rest of you, you get double gold stars!

Sidenotes from last night from Amanda’s blog:

How can you not giggle when saying “Spleen”?
I guess I’ll just keep peeing and talking then.
Mank Ind.
We should totally get married.
For someone who has never done drugs, you sure like that carpet a lot.
That’s Gay! - You can’t say ‘thats gay’, thats against the gay rules! - Its MY word! I OWN THAT WORD!!!
Normally I can keep it up a lot longer than this.
Ooh! We can put an LED in there! It will be “Kris 2: Reloaded”
Porn should be free if it doesn’t turn you on!
The buttplug comes with a remote, and a beacon - to find it in the dark. ~what happens if you lose the remote?~ Install the clapper! ~That would be awkward in an operahouse…
Wow! That was a total Mentos Moment!
I love stuff. I love stuff SOOOO much.
Do you think that ceiling fan could be made into a bong?
That wouldn’t even be funny if it weren’t 3 am.

I’m a little manic from all the fun I had last night. I checked on Sukiaki (my cat) when I got home, he seems to be doing fine and he used the litter box (thank the gods). To tell the truth, I really don’t want to hang out with Misty since she ignored me for three weeks. What I really want to do is read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Survivor and go to sleep early. But I shouldn’t be so judgmental. I must keep repeating it in my head: Misty is cool. She cut my hair. Maybe it will work.

I should get this insipid chore over with.

I just got to work, and there are like no files to process at all. And the chick that I’m taking over for is here. Why? I just don’t fucking get it. It’s a one-person job, if anything.

I brought JTHM to read, and I’m blogging, so I feel like a real slacker.

And not to mention that right before I jetted over here, I had to cram this mini turkey baster of antibiotic down my cat’s throat. That’s not the sucky part. The sucky part is that after I was done, he shook his head back and forth. What I didn’t notice until I got out of the car at my work is that the antibiotic is white. And now it looks like someone took a glorious cumshot all over my fucking leg. What a way to make a first impression, Darius.

Okay. Back to JHTM.

I had this really strange dream last night. It started out where I was in some place and this woman stuck this big needle in my arm to measure my blood pressure or something, and by the time she was done there was big pool of blood in the crook of my arm, and she was talking about how I had really low blood pressure and how I should see a doctor. So I sought out a doctor, who happened to be the actor that played Dr. Montague in that movie The Haunting. He was really creeping me out, and it turned out he had super powers… but not in the Superman sense…but in the Dracula sense. He was really freaking me out by like teleporting around and fucking with my head. He ended up driving me and some other people somewhere, but I was the one driving and I didn’t want to go.

So when we stopped the car and he got out I turned the car around and started driving the other way but immediately he teleported back and tried to make me drive it the way he wanted to go so me and these other peopl got out of the car and I guess we had been drinking so we were running and being all strange and then the creepy Dr. Montague guy was running after us and we just had to keep running and so everybody was snorting out of this little bag of methamphetamine (becuase Sara had been talking about how meth was the new cool thing at the high school) and they handed it to me and I took this giant snort of it and I thought to myself “what the fuck? I would never do methamphetamines? And then my nose started to burn like hell (because one of my friends told me that that’s what happens when you snort it) and so I just kept running and then I woke up.

It was a very unnerving dream.

> Nine Inch Nails - Down In It
> Rob D. - Clubbed to Death [Kurayamino Mix]
> Miss Kittin & The Hacker - Flexibility

Oh my god. Amanda and her sister and I had SO much fun last night! OMG. We stayed up until seven in the morning coming up with incredible band names and laughing our asses off. It’s the most fun I’ve had in months. We watched Cannibal the Musical and it was incredibly funny! Trey Parker and Matt Stone did it (the people that did South Park).

My cat Sukiaki Tsunami had surgery done on his ear which had been messed up/infected for like a year. It turns out that the ear was cancerous or something and had to be removed. Now he has this weird bloody cauliflower ear vagina thing. He’s the cutest cat ever, but that ear just makes me want to puke. I would post a picture of him, but all of the photos I took after the surgery he looks all groggy and weird. He’s currently in the guest bedroom. After I’m done with this post I will retire to that room and read Survivor, which Amanda’s sis graciously lended me.

My father has been pressing me for details ever since he found out yesterday that my mother is visiting. I feel like saying “if you’re so interested, why didn’t you get to know her when you two were married, you bastard.”

But I digress. I’m going to have to wait on this cat hand and foot for at least a week. Curses. My mom is hanging out with one of her friends, I guess we’re going to do something before I go to work. I’m neglecting my kitty. GEE WILLIKERS, isn’t that ENJOYABLE? lol. Must go. Notes from last night:

McGuyver of dildos/bongs

Schpedoinkle!

You’re talking while you’re peeing!?

Build a snowman

You sure like the carpet

Kris II christmas tree star

Like a dying chipmunk…

Blueberry IZZE

Abandoned mental hospital shocking device

Fat chick in the Rob Zombie vid

WHEN I SAY BALL, I MEAN BALL!