I can’t believe I’m going to sleep at 10 p.m. How lame. I’ll probably drift into the living room and watch Adult Swim instead of going to sleep. Since I have no clue whether my computer will boot again, I’m not turning it off until I have that new backup software downloaded and installed.
> Daft Punk - Crescendolls [Laidback Luke Remix]
I got home after work and my computer booted OK. First I did it in safe mode, and it worked, then I restarted and there was everything the way I had left it. Fucking weird. Why didn’t it work this morning?
I’m scanning for viruses. It also could be something relating to the new drive. I dunno. All I know is that Norton Ghost failed me, so I’m going to try out Dantz Retrospect, the software we use at work to back everything up.
After riding my bike 10 mi. home in this incredibly strong wind that would almost blow you over, my cell phone rings. It’s my boss. There was a power outage. I had to fix their computers.
Of course, by the time I got there all away from Fort Dick they had already restarted the server and got everything working again. But my boss thought that I was the one that fixed it. Or he was just humoring me for showing up. I’m talking with this guy from Arcata. Now I want to move to Arcata. Not this guy is particularly cool (we’ve only talks five minutes or so) but it just seems like such a cooler place to waste my life away. I wonder what the rents are like down there. I wonder if I could get a job. It’s that damn lightness of being crap. I feel like I’m floating away. Like nothing can hold me down. I have almost no bills. No responsibilities. It’s weird. I can do anything. And the feeling isn’t freeing at all, it’s like the opposite of a prison. I don’t know. I’m hideously bored with my life here. I should save my next paycheck instead of spending it. It should be an incredibly big check, what with me starting the obits and filling in for the tech guy.
I’m having a philosophical discussion with that guy. We agree on almost everything so far. Except that he’s an optomist and I’m a cynic.
Him: The world isn’t perfect, but it can get better.
Me: The world isn’t perfect, and it will only stay the same.
Hmm. I should buy those pulp sci-fi novels on Amazon.com. Oh cool, I just stumbled onto this great remix of Crescedolls on Daft Club. Sweet. I don’t have anything to say. Must go.
Great.
I went to start up my computer today and nothing. Just a blank screen. I went to take a shower and when I came back there was a message on the screen: “Cannot find (a system file relating to the NTFS file system). Please repair your Windows installation.”
That makes me think that I have a virus. There’s no reason why system files would be disappearing unless the culprit was some sort of virus. The battle will continue once I get home.
> Jamiroquai - You Give Me Something, Twenty Zero One
I’m so glad my computer is alive again. I can only assuage my loneliness and boredom via effervescent pop music, MySpace, and web design. Luckily I can do all three simultaneously. The wonders of modern technology. I’m very hungry but too lazy to cook at this hour. Maybe I’ll have a banana. OMG check this out, it is SO funny:
Make sure your speakers are on. I laughed my ass off.
It’s interesting being in a dead-end job, not going to school, having no friends, and no lovers. I’m remarkably at peace. Tonight I finished that novel I’ve been working on, Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I’m really not sure what I got out of it. Towards the end I didn’t exactly like it, but I could understand that he was trying to say something desperately important.
I’ll have to think about it for a few days, but I think what he was trying to say was that we (Sartre especially) seem to think of existence as being a heavy burden that we bear until the grave, but what if the ennui of existence was not that we were weighted down to earth with something, but that moral relativism and the absence of God would make existence weightless. That really seems to fit with my worldview a lot more. I don’t know. It needs more thought.
I can really relate to the feeling of weightlessness. I feel weightless in my life with nothing to hold me down and no responsibilities.
I was looking at Ben’s MySpace and all of the new pictures of him and his friends doing all sorts of fun stuff. I was trying to bring myself to envy him, but I wasn’t really successful. As limited and strange as my life is, I would prefer it to any other. I really would like a boyfriend and some close friends, but I’m not willing to put up with people that I don’t wholeheartedly like. I can’t do the stoic Misty thing of “just living for myself.” But the more so that time I spend on my own I wonder if all the time I spent with all of my friends in the past was just a waste of time. What is a waste of time? If I’m happy in 20 years will it justify 10 years of boredom? I guess there aren’t any answers to such questions.
I should go to sleep.
