> Ladytron – Cracked LCD
I just ate a whole bunch of chocolate. I am totally gaining back all the weight I lost during that week where I was working 24/7. Oh well. I spent the day redecorating my room and doing more laundry. I ate this toffee stuff earlier tonight and I simply can’t get it out of my teeth, so I’m blogging, chewing some gum, and waiting for it to dissolve so I can floss.
Brian called me twice today, and it turns out that I ran out of minutes on my cell phone yesterday and that’s why the call ended. Luckily I had given him my home number a few days ago, so that’s how he got a hold of me again. I’m going to see his cuteness in only two days! And if I play my cards right, in only one day!
I’m going to ask for Friday off. I’m not sure what my boss will say, but the worst he can say is no. I wonder what it’s going to be like to hang out with Brian alone without Kevin as social lubricant. I hope it’s going to be an all-night make out session. However, part of me is scared that it’s going to end up turning into sex. Nowadays, sex is so… clinical. I can’t get caught up in the moment anymore. I am paralyzed wondering if the condom is broken, if I’m going to orgasm too late or too soon… it just has ceased to be fun anymore. I don’t know… the first time having sex with a new person is always such an act of theatre. You have to put on a great show of how hot you are, moaning and all that other ridiculous crap. And another complication is that I’m always a top, and what if he is too? Even more weirdness. What I want is a hot female cuddle buddy, or a hot impotent male cuddle/makeout buddy. (Think James Spader’s character from Sex, Lies and Videotape.) You can get caught up in the moment when you’re making out, because there are no life-and-death decisions to be made. What I need to do is come clean to him that I’ve never been tested and that I could have all sorts of diseases. I feel like a terrible person. I need to call and find out about the clinic in town. I was going to ask Kevin to go with me, but I hadn’t really felt comfortable. I’ve seen Kids too many times to go through such a cathartic experience as an HIV test with just a friend. I don’t know.
I redecorated my room today. I took down a lot of the papers and random stuff that was up on my walls and reduced it to a few tastefully chosen posters and carefully placed art and vinyls. I like it. It looks very classy, but I need to work on one wall as it looks really bare and I can never find anything to put on it. I took down my Christmas lights that I had around my room and used thumbtacks to make the fake spider webs that normally hang from my ceiling to stick to the ceiling instead of hang. I realized today that what I need to do is move furniture, and I’m not in the mood for such a massive redesign. I have this cute little alcove above the head of my bed with my Power Mac G5 poster above it, and I’m not sure how I would preserve it if I were to move my bed. I have been obsessively cleaning lately. Maybe it’s my subconscious reacting to my fears of viruses. I have one more wall to redecorate, but I’m not sure whether I want my Power Mac G4 Cube poster to be the centerpiece or my big painting.
I did do one sort of cool thing. I hung these flamingo lights that my dad’s girlfriend gave me on my last birthday from my ceiling over my computer so they make a little alcove of cute lights around my monitor. It’s just enough like to see my keyboard, which is all that I need. I still have a giant pile of stuff in the corner to go through, and at least it will keep me from thinking about my disappointment if my boss doesn’t let me take Friday off.
I can’t believe that it’s already 1 a.m. Well, I accomplished one thing today. I found out when the new semester starts at the college in Brookings. The last day for registration is January 13, but I want to get it done much sooner than that. If I don’t get Friday off, I’m going up there tomorrow to see when I can take the placement test. Actually, I’m going to do it no matter what because Brian doesn’t get off until 9 p.m.
Not only have I’ve been cleaning my room, I have done extensive work cleaning up, organizing, and backing up files on my computer. I had been meaning to set up regular backups for a few weeks ever since I realized that the ones I had previously scheduled weren’t working. So I went through and organized stuff (it took hours), set up all the rules for the backups, identified all the files that I need backup copies of, and the software should do its thing. I scheduled daily backups for important files like e-mail, and weekly ones for things like music and videos. So if one of my drives fail, I will still have all my data. If both fail within the span of a week I’m fucked, but the possibility of that is infinitesimally small.
Secretly I have been wanting to brag about my new boyfriend to my coworkers, but that is totally unprofessional and childish. I don’t know why, but I can’t banish my puerile desire to rub my happiness in other people’s faces. Oddly though, the subject actually came up today. Matt asked me what I was doing for the Fourth of July, and I mentioned that I was going to Eureka and then to Sacramento. He asked what I was going to do in Eureka, and I totally went blank. I wanted to say, ” Well, I met this guy down there and we’ve been going out for a few weeks and I think I’m going to go see him,” but what came out was ” I have some friends down there that I’m going to go see.” Was that a lie? I am such a completely “out” person, but I just feel that it is entirely unprofessional to talk about sex at work, even indirectly. So am I closeted? I don’t know. Maybe I felt weird saying it because I had a mini-crush on him when he started working there. Oh well. I’m not going to lose any sleep about it, I’m not closeted.
Before I forget, here’s my schedule of events for this weekend:
Thursday: (if I get Fri off) drive to Eureka, make out with Brian until tomorrow morning.
Friday: peel myself away from Brian and drive to Sac.
Sat: party!
Sun: party even harder!
Mon: drive back to Eureka, hang out with Brian some more, probably go back to CC the next morning.
I had a bunch of weird problems with my audioblog, so I don’t think there are going to be any posts from the road. Well actually, I might as well call the damn thing to see if it works. Oh cool! It does! Except the podcast will be above this post, so you’ll already know…darn. Well the suspense entertained me at least. I really need to get to bed. One last thing: I have been reading this book that Kelly got me for Christmas, Pulp by Charles Bukowski, and it is incredibly funny. I love it!
Be sure to click on the “audioblog” link on the top of this page to view my latest audio posts while I’m driving/partying on my trip. Due to some incompatibility issues, they won’t appear on this page immediately after they are recorded. Updates will only be on the audblog page this weekend. Have a great new year’s, my loyal readers!
Categories: Ennui
