I JUST DOWNLOADED THE DOOM GENERATION SOUNDTRACK!!!!
*ORGASM*
Gregg Araki is my god. I LOVE HIS TASTE IN MUSIC.
“It was her! It was Kitten!”
My god. I am going to rock out to these songs all day long tomorrow (in between my essay writing marathon).
PS: Mandriva was really slick. I don’t know what I’ll ever use it for though.
Categories: Ennui
> Metro Area – Orange Alert
> Team Sleep – Ataraxia
> DJ Fresh – Tomb Raider
Some random person just called my cell and said that Kevin owed the random person all this money. I think it’s just Kevin playing a trick on me. And even if he does owe the guy money, giving the guy my number is also playing a trick on me. So that’s really nothing to report.
This essay for Cinema is going to be ridiculously easy. Shooting fish in a barrel comes close… shooting dead fish in a barrel comes even closer. He kept pontificating on his views of the film so much so that you would have to be a complete and utter idiot to not grasp what he wanted written. I can definitely regurgitate his jejune ideas about the film over the span of a few pages.
I’m absolutely determined to get straight As this semester. These classes don’t really count for my degree, so I need to work at them as hard as I can to bring my GPA up. I find that it’s difficult to motivate myself when I think of the class as a place where I’m learning something. I only learn more in class than I do from reading the textbook in one of my classes (Bio with Dr. Mize). So instead of viewing the classes where I learn nothing from the “lectures” as failures, I prefer to think of them as a personal crusade to prove that I’m smarter than the teacher. In two of my three classes, that seems to be the case. It’s a wonderful strategy that binds together two of my deepest personality traits: competitiveness and egotism. What a delicious alchemy!
Samantha, Steve and Tawna were lurking around the student lounge while I was in my class (Steve is in the film class with me). I found it very amusing. They are going to be in Crescent City forever. Well, I’m not doing so hot in the leaving department either, but at least I have passed 90% of my requirements instead of failing English 1A four times in a row, subsidized by the generous taxpayers of California. I swear, some people get all the breaks. I also found it amusing that I got a higher grade than Steve on the extra credit even though he’s deep in the whole Tom Waldrat-worshipping inner circle. I just wanted to do a victory dance and tell him that the hair looks ridiculous.
There were some cool technical problems to solve today at work. Our satellite uplink system went down and I got to spend probably 40 minutes total on the phone with a tech. I love how I’m the only person in the office who can communicate adequately with tech support. It’s all about attitude… if people think you know you’re doing, then you do. For me, if it has a PCB and silicon in it, I know all about it already. One of the circuit boards in our receiving system blew out. It was kind of a disappointing answer, but at least now I know what all those boxes do and what all the status LEDs mean. That was my big excitement of the day.
Today was watching Rocketboom on my iPod today in class while the teacher was going over how to use IMDB. If he said anything about me not paying attention, I would have just said “Honey, I have known about IMDB since before you were a charlatan. Oh wait…” *snap snap* I don’t know why in all of my teacher backtalk fantasies I always turn into a streetwise black girl. Hmm. Is that my alter ego? Lol. Freud would be pleased. Anyway, this woman was looking at me watching the screen (which she couldn’t see) and attempting to be clandestine about it. She was obviously wondering what I was giggling at. And I wasn’t going to tell her. “Honey, you need two iPods: one to cover the right side of your face, and one to cover the left.” *snap snap* Lol.
I’ve had way too much caffeine and not enough food. And I need to stop answering my cell phone. Royce called me yesterday, but he quickly ended the conversation once I started talking about that movie Battle Royale. I wonder what he thinks of me. And I still don’t understand why I still have such a crush on him. I think it’s because he’s mysterious and taciturn. Mysterious guys totally turn me on. Brian had no mysteries. *yawn*
And it’s 12:09 a.m. yet again. I’m installing that version of Linux (Mandriva) that Will recommended to me on a virtual computer using that VMware software. The installer is really slick, maybe I will finally ditch the proprietary evil that is Windows. I doubt it though. I wouldn’t have my wonderful voice recognition then. Anyway, I should probably get to sleep. I have to write two essays tomorrow, and the auction for my computer ends as well. Wait…I get paid tomorrow too! Sweet!
Categories: Ennui
Guess what? I was the only one in my class to get an A on the extra credit assignment in cinema. I also got an A on the homework. I love being smart!
Now if only I could solve that string theory thing…
Categories: Ennui
> LCD Soundsystem – Tribulations
> Nine Inch Nails – The Way Out is Through
> Marilyn Manson – Kinderfeld
> Rob D. – Chateau
> Placebo – The Bitter End
> Scissor Sisters – Tits on the Radio
Tonight I’m listening to some of my older playlists. I forget how much I listened to Manson. And I’m falling in love with the Scissor Sisters all over again. I guess I could type my biology field notes, but instead I watched Futurama from my iPod and drank chai. I’m going to have to write two essays by Wednesday. And my computer is still selling to this random guy with zero feedback on eBay. Why oh why didn’t I just slip one line in there about people with under five feedback not being able to bid? Oh well. I’m not shipping anything until that paypal money is safely in my bank. Anyway, tonight I did the final research on my new system. I’m getting pretty much the most expensive ASUS motherboard on NewEgg. It has a ridiculous amount of features though, so it should provide me quite a bit of expandability in the future. I even downloaded the most recent BIOS revisions for my new mobo and put them on floppies. I also downloaded the manual. It’s almost the same as the other motherboard I was going to get. The reason I didn’t get the other one is because I realized that it doesn’t support my processor, it just has the same socket. That was a brain fart that probably would’ve caused me a lot of anguish if I hadn’t doublechecked. But I’m the master of doublechecking and triple checking, because I don’t trust myself at all.
I’ve been adding up the prices of this stuff, and getting enough components to make the system run is going to be probably $200 more (not including shipping or taxes) then what I’m going to get from selling my computer. I’m having some seller’s remorse, but it will all melt away once my new dual-core system powers on. I would call it a dream system, but my dream system would be a PowerMac G5 that cost $800. Those new 65 nm chips that Intel is supposed to come out with this year had better be blazing fast, or I don’t think I’m ever going to get a Mac. I need to go to sleep. I need to be productive tomorrow. I should see if my dad has some sort of Dremel-ish tool so that I can install a fan at the top of my new case. That should keep me busy until my auction finishes. Why do stressful things have to happen in threes? Well, the more essays I finish, the lower my stress level. In case I didn’t mention it, I have two 3-pagers due, one in psychology and one in cinema. I need to get to sleep so I can get a start on tomorrow. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL SPRING BREAK!!!!! EEK!!!
I don’t think I’m going to be able to live that long without my computer, so I’m going to totally bring it. (I’m sorry Kelly, but it’s going to be faster than your G5 in multithreaded applications.) If you’re willing, I challenge you to a Photoshop bake-off!
PS: Royce randomly called me today. I thought he might want to hang out later, but he never called again. I wish he would call. He’s so darn cute. It’s too bad he doesn’t like having his picture taken. :(
Categories: Ennui
> Miss Kittin and the Hacker – Nurse
It’s 3:09 a.m.
Do you know where your sanity is?
Last night I stayed up obscenely late last night playing around with this incredibly cool virtualization software called VMWare. It allows you to run other operating systems (Linux, MacOS, etc.) inside of a window on your computer. So it’s like a computer inside of a computer, and you can make it go full screen so that it looks like you’re running Linux or MacOS but it’s really just running on top of Windows. I was so obsessed with it that I couldn’t peel myself away from it until 4 a.m.
I woke up this morning about 10 minutes before my biology class and frantically got ready. Luckily, the trail that were hiking on is right down the street from me, so I didn’t have to get up early. I was exhausted and all I could think about was wanting to be home so that I could play around with my virtualization software and listen to Crossover and Air. I scribbled notes while having sexual fantasies about this mildly cute guy in the class. We didn’t see a whole lot of wildlife. We saw some Aleutian geese and ducks, but didn’t see any raptors, which was kind of the point of going. He gave us this handout with all these raptor species and we ended up not seeing a single one.
I didn’t realize it, but the hike was 6 miles round-trip. In my coma, I had forgotten water. The hike back was so strenuous, but I did see my dad’s girlfriend on the way back. She was riding her horse, and we had a bit of a conversation. I really don’t remember much about the morning though. All I know is that the hike back was really strenuous. I got home around noon and was so ridiculously exhausted from the lack of sleep, dehydration, and the long hike that I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until around 11 p.m.
Today I have been going through all my files, deleting unnecessary stuff, uninstalling unnecessary programs, etc. I’m getting everything ready to transplant to the new system. I also realize that I haven’t defragmented in ages. I defragmented the partition that my voice-recognition files were on, and now this program is twice as responsive and accurate.
Now I’m defragmenting the partition that all of my virtual operating systems are on. Last night I installed that hacked copy of MacOS onto the VMware (operating system virtualization software), and it worked perfectly (albeit extremely slowly). After the defragmentation, I hope that it will run at a tolerable speed. It will run at an even more tolerable speed once I get my new system set up. Unfortunately, no one has been bidding over the weekend. The auction hit my reserve of $500 and then just stopped. And now the person that has the winning bid has zero feedback. I have a feeling this isn’t going to turn out well.
Yesterday was Katie’s last day at work. We went out to lunch at Circle J to bid her farewell, and as usual it was a tedious social interchange. After we went back to the office, I got all involved in this graphic that I was doing and totally forgot to say goodbye to her. Story of my life. I’m one of the most self-involved people I know. Then again, I don’t know very many people.
In that whole cleaning up the hard drive spirit, I watched this movie I had copied onto my drive because I didn’t have time right then to watch it. It’s called Battle Royale, and it’s about this class of Japanese high schoolers that are sent to this island to battle to the death. Think Lord of the Flies where everyone is in their teens. I really don’t know what to think of it. I think I would recommend seeing it, but it’s filled with so many unanswered questions that it’s not exactly a satisfying experience. The violence is extreme and pointless, but it’s pointless more in that the people on the island are a microcosm of society, not in a Hollywood way where things randomly explode every 15 minutes. It’s a very Eastern theme about civil unrest between the younger and older generations, which I don’t think we have to the degree that other countries do. All in all, it wasn’t a wholly depressing movie but it doesn’t make you feel warm and cuddly inside either. I just watched it a few hours ago, so I’m not exactly in the state to analyze it. I know I’m going to be thinking about it for a while. And I think that’s what I movie should accomplish: make you think.
I should go and return some of my MySpace messages, but I’m really not in the mood. I’m never in the mood. The tediousness of composing them isn’t worth seeing the “new messages” thing on my sign in page. Well, I’ve slept an obscene amount so the night is young. There is absolutely no one online. Phoenix Wang messaged me earlier tonight… it seemed like he was having some sort of problem… but I wasn’t awake at all and I had to watch Battle Royale. I have two big papers due this week. I have to get them done before I ship my computer, because I will probably go two weeks or so without access to voice-recognition after the computer gets shipped. Well, I have time.
Apple is supposed to introduce some new products on the 28th (the same day my auction ends). As much as I would love to get a Mac, they are just too damn expensive, even with my student discount. I performance-wise, I wouldn’t be satisfied with anything other than a Power Mac, and that would run me $1800. I can build an equivalent PC for $800. Which would you choose?
Categories: Ennui
> !!! – Pardon My Freedom
> Lacquer – X
> Air – La Femme d’Argent
> Modjo – Chillin’
I’m getting a bit of cabin fever. I need to make some cool friends. Except for that there is no one cool in Crescent City that I see on a regular basis. I was talking to my mom a few days ago about my future here, and it seems like I’m going to be here at least another year in order to graduate. I don’t think my dad is going to spring for that though. I don’t know… I’m going to college and getting good grades. What else does he want? He’s got one foot in the grave, the least he could do is help his only son complete his education.
In other news, I think I’m going to have to sell my keyboard. Every time I sit down to play after like five minutes my wrists hurt like hell. I’m glad I saved the box. Well, at least I know now that I can’t play any instruments. How depressing is that. My mom talks about playing her guitar in learning new songs. What am I going to do at that age? Probably just write about my endless ennui using voice-recognition, as I do now.
I still really tired. Of this life. Of everything.
They still never called me about my HIV test results. It’s probably some ridiculous thing with my insurance. I need to call them when I’m feeling this nihilistic. I wonder if they tell you results over the phone. How postmodern would that be? I read that in London this one hospital sends death notices via text messages to people’s cell phones. Hm. Maybe I should go back to sleep and then pretend to wake up a few hours later when the sun comes up. That would make me feel a smidgen less like a vampire.
I’m burning some tea light candles on my desk. They are from this huge bag of tea lights that I was going to give to Brian (he’s obsessed with them). Until they are all gone, they are going to serve as an endless reminder of that failed attempt to find warm squishy places. I find it sort of comical, as my mother would often go to the church to light a candle for a relative. What do these ones represent? I wish I knew.
While my computer was defragmenting I read a few more chapters in JG Ballard’s collection of loosely related stories, The Atrocity Exhibition. I absolutely love James Ballard. Who else but him could write the essay entitled “The Assassination of President Kennedy Considered As a Downhill Motor Race.” I also loved “Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan.” A lot of his short stories take the form of these pseudo-scientific ramblings about fake experiments concerning test subjects who are provided with photos of car crashes and celebrities to devise their favorite mode of death. Even though The Atrocity Exhibition was written in the seventies, it is no less valid today. True, he does spend a lot of time indirectly talking about the implications of the Kennedy assassination and other dated societal quandaries, but the substance is still the same. His main character, Travers, (who has different names throughout different stories) can easily be understood in postmodern terms.
In many ways, I feel like we are repeating the sixties and seventies. We are starting a new Vietnam in Iraq, but for version 2.0, rich warmongers bought all the media companies so there would be no resistance. In some ways it depresses me that we are doomed to repeat the same history over and over, but in other ways it reaffirms my nihilism so much that I would be disappointed if humanity did it any other way.
Well, I think I’m going to start my backup software and take a nap until the sun comes up.
Categories: Ennui
I just spent all night working on typing up my Biology field notes.
I decided to be a perfectionist and make this set of notes complete with photos on InDesign. It took hours.
On the bright side, the computer is up to $300. 4 days left!
I had better get my new one built quickly, because this big paper for psychology is due in the first few days of March.
Also, I asked my boss if I could take a week of my vacation on spring break, and he said that it was okay. KELLY AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A SEXY PARTY TO END ALL SEXY PARTIES.
That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Categories: Ennui
> Daedelus – The Weather’s Secret Service
I feel like I’m in limbo today. I only spent about an hour and a half at work. There is absolutely nothing to do there. After work I remembered to buy blank CDs, but I forgot to tell my boss about the days off. I’m going to send myself an e-mail. The only thing I really did today was go to my psychology class. It turns out this one girl that I thought was a meth addict was actually quite smart. I got all dolled up, as usual. There is this one girl in my class who told me I did art at her house when I was in Cub Scouts. I don’t remember her at all, I just remember those people had giant mastiff dogs and the house stunk of them.
She seems pretty cool, and we were discussing all of these self-described “digital paintings” that were up all over the college. Maybe I’m missing the point here, but what exactly is a “digital painting?” Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I painting is just that. You use PAINT. Not Photoshop. The correct term here is digital print. If it’s digital, I just have to take your word for it that this is actually drawn in and isn’t just a photo run through two random filters in Photoshop. I’m sorry, but if I have no idea how you created something and it looks like I can create the same thing in two minutes, that’s not art. In real museums they have things like “oil on canvas, blah blah blah” the same should apply to digital works. “Painted in Photoshop, no images used” or something like that would make me have a lot more respect for the artist than simply the vague terminology of “digital painting.”
That’s beside the point though. Since my classes are now pretty much my only social outlet, I’m glad that I am sort of making a few “class” friends. You wouldn’t even say hello to them if you saw them on the street, you just sort of smile and halfway wave, but they are better than nothing when the teacher is being incomprehensible (which in this class is more often than not).
In other news, only a day has gone by and already I have received my first bid on my computer. It’s just the opening bid of $100, but in $100 is definitely something! I kept my e-mail client open all day (I always do that, but I was actively checking it today) waiting for eBay to send me an e-mail saying that someone had bid, and it wasn’t until I checked it on a whim on the actual site that I found out that someone bid and apparently they don’t send you an e-mail for that. I’m excited though! The first bid! Maybe I will have the wonderful dual core system of my dreams sooner than later. And if this auction makes a whole bunch of money, I might end up getting whatever Apple is coming out with on February 28. I really hope it’s the 12″ Intel-based PowerBook. That would rock my crotch because that’s what I’ve been waiting for this whole time. I will build a cheap Linux server in my cool new case I got, and rock the OS X wirelessly on my laptop, streaming my files from the server. Sweet.
So far, I have gotten at least “A”s on all of my assignments for my psychology class. I’m totally going to get an “A” in that class if I keep up on the reading and do the assignments. I think I got one question wrong on the quiz we had today, and it was some arbitrary number that I didn’t commit to memory because I had read too far ahead. Oh well. I’m not very tired, but I think I’m going to turn off the computer. Actually, I am pretty tired. I redesigned the template on the blog a little bit today in light of the possible 2,000 hits per month I might be getting. I sorta like it, but I need a new mugshot. Well, I’m off to dreamland.
Categories: Ennui
Some random idiot just sent me a message on MySpace and George Bush was in their “heroes” list.
Here’s what I sent back:
“I hope you’re being sarcastic with that George Bush hero thing. Needlessly sending 2,000 Americans to the grave to provide kickbacks to defense contractors doesn’t really fit my definition of ‘heroic.’”
And now it’s time to sleep.
Categories: Ennui