> Tiga - Down In It
> Annie - The Greatest Hit (that song that samples Madonna’s “Everybody”)
> Belly - Dancing Gold

I’m depressed and eating chocolate. I think I’m a fat chick trapped in a guy’s body. Around 6 p.m. I got all dressed up to go to that concert, and drove into town only to realize after wasting $.50 on a paper that the concert was at 9 p.m., not six. I drove back home and diligently waited, talking with my mom on the phone for awhile. I drove back in around 8:40. Nothing was going on at the brewery. No music, nothing. I waited until 9:20, and people started showing up, but they might have just been people going to the bar. Anyway, around this time I began to realize that I wouldn’t be able to go in there. My social anxiety thing flared up and I was paralyzed by it. I had to go home.

So what am I going to tell Matt on Monday? That I couldn’t go because I can’t stand the idea of being around a whole bunch strangers?

How lame. I need to get this chocolate out of my sight.

Whatever.

We did this lab this morning in my biology class about flower parts. I find it difficult to stay awake in that class, let alone learn anything. Anther. Filament. Pistil. Why can’t we meet at noon? Fucking earlybirds.

My mom sent me this really cool tie though. I should take MySpace pictures. That’s what I always do when I’m depressed. And I need to finish Naked Lunch. Tonight is going to be an odyssey. I slept all day because I was exhausted from getting up for that class.

Every day I’m thankful that I’m not immortal.

And no one is online.

The more I read in my lifespan development book, the more I feel like I’m never going to be able to overcome my fear and hatred of others.

All those years of getting made fun of… I picture all my “well-adjusted” elementary school classmates going off to college and having wonderful lives because they raped all their self-esteem from those that couldn’t fight back. There’s no way to extract revenge. Killing them wouldn’t be enough. In all of the horror movies I’ve seen, nothing even comes close to what I wish on those people. They say that the best revenge is living well, and I suppose that’s true, I just wish I could make them see what they did. I want to do a Carrie. That would be fun.

I shouldn’t sit in the dark and listen to the doom generation soundtrack. I want to play my piano, but my wrists hurt. I’m going to have to sell it. I hate my life.

Tonight, all I have accomplished is the waste of 40 miles worth of gas and the realization that I can’t ever escape my childhood. I should post this and go get some real food. This chocolate is doing a number on my mood.

I think it’s time to blame someone.

Tonight, I blame: *spins the wheel of blame*

My dad.

I had a bunch of friends in first grade in Morro Bay and then he moved us up to this backward shithole and I got to be the new kid from second to eighth grade. I think I’m going to have some oatmeal… and attempt to get out of this mood.

Well, there’s one thing that just brightened my day: Thomas signed on and didn’t talk to me! Double-w00t. I think it’s Futurama time. *voyages into the living room*

The following albums must be downloaded. I’m in love with Tiga’s song “High School,” and Mylo’s song “In My Arms.” A lot of the songs on that Mylo album are reminiscent of early Daft Punk.

In about 20 minutes I’m going to go see Matt’s friend’s band at the Brewery. I think it’s going to be incredibly fun. Oh crap…I should probably start concocting an outfit.