> Depeche Mode - John the Revelator
> Nine Inch Nails - The Great Collapse
> Tool - Eulogy

I don’t know why I stopped listening to Tool. They are fucking incredible. Pretty much all I did today was listen to them and read my psychology chapters. I’m 2 chapters behind. I need to finish them by Wednesday. *yawn*

I have been unsuccessfully trying to back up my files onto the external drive in a format recognizable by Mac OS all day. I just gave up on any method that will work on my new computer and just ran my backup software instead.

Most of my problem is that I have been used to having two 200GB drives, and I’m going to have to shoehorn all my files onto one drive until I can afford to get another one.

I’m feeling bored and poor. I think that I left one of my wrist braces in Sacramento, as I can only seem to find the left one. I need to buy another one. I’m in some serious pain right now. I should take some more ibuprofen.

Mostly I’m regretting getting my keyboard and that cool PC case, which sits unused in the other room. Damn Apple for coming out with an affordable, portable machine right after I had bought the first component for my new custom PC. I wonder if I would be able to unload it on those Tech Town people. Hmm… that would involve talking to real people. Eh, fuck people. I’ll eBay it this week.

Man, my wrist hurts more than it has hurt in a very long time. I need to buy that damn wrist brace tomorrow. I’m feeling like next week is going to suck. Tomorrow I’m going to have to call the clinic and ask them why they sent me that bill for $90. If I have to pay it, I will probably not be able to get the computer that I want. That doesn’t exactly make me sleep well. Neither does the possibility that they could say “Yeah, you still have to pay that $90 and you have AIDS!”

I just feel petulant, diseased, and penniless. I want an iMac, but I definitely can’t afford it. And to think of all the money I poured into this system. Probably at least $1500. And now I will be lucky if I see $600 from it. I’m too cheap to get a haircut, but my profligate spending on my trip made me poor. It was the most fun week I’ve had in I can’t remember how long, but I guess it was at the price of not getting a great computer this year. I find that hard to accept.

I’m pissed off because my job sucks and they don’t pay me half of what I deserve. Fucking $7.75 an hour for graphic design and tech support? Bastards. I had better get some ridiculous money back on my tax returns. I don’t even know what I’m doing for my taxes. I’m such a fucking passive victim. I hate it when I’m in this mood. And my glasses are broken, one of the pads broke off during Kelly’s party and the metal part grinds into my nose. Let’s see, what else to complain about? I can’t play my piano because my fucking wrists are defective. Fuck.

I am just so fucking sick of sitting here staring at the same computer screen with this antiquated computer sitting here. I want something new. I want a Mac. I want friends. I want more hours or a raise at my job. Fuck. I guess I just have to reconcile myself with the fact that life is never going to be as fun or interesting as I want to be. Royce is going to stay in his fucked up relationship forever. Jon will contract AIDS and die. Everything will be destroyed.

And nothing I do will matter in the least.

> Tool - Forty Six & 2

I have finished organizing and tagging my bookmarks. Check them out.

Now I need to read another chapter in my psych book.

> Baxter - Love Again
> Queens of the Stone Age - Skin on Skin
> M.I.A. - Hombre

I just spent my morning listening to this really interesting speech by Steve Wozniak, cofounder of Apple Computer, while organizing my bookmarks on this cool site called del.icio.us. It allows you to add tags to your bookmarks so as to easily find them through the tags. I haven’t finished organizing the 300+ bookmarks that I had sitting around in my browser, and my tagging system isn’t exactly mature yet, but I’m trying to move out of hierarchical organizational systems. They are so…DOS.

You can check out my organizational attempts at my del.icio.us page.

One of the great things about del.icio.us is that it will show you what tags other members have added to sites, how many other members have bookmarked a certain site, and it allows you to see other members who have the same bookmarks or tags as you. I just hate that feeling when I know that I have bookmarked something but it’s impossible to find in my huge bookmark collection.

That speech by Steve Wozniak was really interesting though. I only listened to part one, but it was all about him growing up and finding out what computers and programs were. I wish my dad had been an engineer. :(

Last night was so ridiculously fun! I will have to write about it more in-depth later, but it’s 4:30 and I think I need to take a shower.

I normally have very vivid dreams, and last night I had this one about being on this shuttlecraft and there was this alien or something that was distorting reality and it was really confusing because we didn’t know whether we were still on the shuttle or whether we were in the Nexus and our minds were being controlled by the alien. I think that I had such a strange dream because Royce told me that he’s been having a very hard time and has been almost suicidal. I would feel so terrible if he died. I just want to tell him that everything will be alright, but it won’t. Existence is so pointless and complicated. Even though I have no money, I need to buy The Myth of Sisyphus. I can’t die without reading that. It may seem odd, but that’s my rationale for pretty much every novel that I buy. I smell dinner. I need to take a shower. And stop listening to this melancholy song.