Success.
I finished backing up all my files to the external drive, my iPod, and a few DVD-ROMs.
I am now using a program to completely wipe my hard drive by writing random data to the entire disk…like seven times. It totally won’t have time to do the seven passes that are necessary for Department of Defense standards, but it will get the job done. I don’t really have any state secrets on there, but there were some text files with my passwords in them. I just wanted to make it more difficult to get my files than installing Norton Undelete and clicking a few buttons. And even with one pass I will have succeeded with that.
I’m officially on the linux box (Montag) in the living room. I give all my computers names…I wonder what I’ll name my Mac Mini. Hmm.
I probably won’t be blogging a whole lot in the next week or so…I’m typing right now, and I don’t want to hurt my wrists.
Misty showed up this morning as I was getting ready for work, we had a great little talk. We were supposed to go out to lunch, but she never called. That was odd.
My god, last night was so fucking insane. From this crazy drunken orgy of sorts (which I really wasn’t into, except for the fact that Royce was one of the members to finding Will’s dad passed out in his apartment from low blood sugar and being at the hospital until 3 a.m., it was just…insane. This whole day i had flashbacks of Royce biting my neck and us passionately/drunkenly fondling/biting each other. I have bruises. I didn’t bother to cover them up today, I think one is visible even when I’m wearing a collar. I really don’t give a shit. I’ve been very lukewarm towards my job lately. I have other responsibilities. And I really don’t care for my new coworkers.
This one memory I want to preserve forever. It was like 2:45 a.m. and me and Royce were in the car…I put on Pretty Hate Machine and we just started softly singing along to “Something I Can Never Have.” It was beautiful.
Later when I was driving him back to his house, he told me that his boyfriend Edwin made him feel the best and the worst he’s ever felt. I realized that I can never replace Edwin for him. I can’t insipire people to feel anything. I’m a passive wannabe intellectual. I won’t ever break all of Royce’s windows or get in fights with him. I don’t know why, but people need their fights and drama and rehab and addictions and all that stuff. I don’t. Just give me a computer and the Internet and I’m fine. As long as I have access to the world’s knowledge and can express myself, I’m a damn happy camper.
People aren’t supposed to be like that. Happy people are boring. I want to be like Royce, with enduring emotional pain buried deep, unable to sleep for days, going on drinking binges and having drunken sex. I can’t be like that though. I can only be me.
I’m really sick today… However, those people from the clinic called me back about that $90 bill. They said they’d investigate and give me a call back. They’d better. I hope it will be resolved soon, and possibly find out if I have HIV in the process. What fun!
Well, I think I’m going to sleep on the couch out here because I simply can’t abide…oh wait, my dad gets up at 5 a.m. I can’t sleep in the living room. Eh, I’m so tired that the noise of the computer’s fans shouldn’t bother me. I’ve only gotten eight hours of sleep total for the past two days and I need to recuperate. If I passed out right now, I could get almost ten. I’d better get to that.
I guess I’m just disappointed that Royce doesn’t feel for me what he feels for that guy that I can’t help but consider a total fuck.
When we were at the hospital his ring fell off and rolled into a mud puddle. I felt the subtext to the moment. I bet he didn’t.
I still have to stop judging people though…someone who has as much taste, handsomeness, and style as Royce I shouldn’t even consider saying bad things about. We totally rocked out to Tool together. And I don’t know anyone else (in CC) who knows the lyrics to Pretty Hate Machine by heart.
Well, I need sleep. More later.
