I tried to give notice today but I totally chickened out. My heart was palpitating and my palms were sweaty and I kept waiting for my boss’s endless meetings to end, but it never happened.

It doesn’t help that we’re in full swing of the election season and everybody in their brother is writing letters to the editor. There are THIRTY letters in the queue that haven’t been published yet. And of course, thirty people that need their hand held that it’s going to work out and yes, indeed, their letter will get published.

I’m not complaining, though. The extra work means that I’m busy, which is a good thing. Tomorrow I’m totally doing it.

Today I discovered the wonder that is Allofmp3.com. I’m not sure of the legality of the site, but I’m sure the WIPO is going to be all over them soon.

In the meantime, for the low, low price of only $10 (and I still have about $3 left in the account, I bought (all these mp3s are high quality 192kpbs MP3s with no DRM):

The Gattaca Soundtrack
The Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack
Mount Sims - Ultra Sex (I’d been trying to find this one for ever)
Tosca - Delhi9 (this cool two-disc album of ambient stuff)

So I went a little crazy. But at around $2 an album, I’m willing to buy much more music than I ever have before. So what if it’s going into the pockets of Russian pirates? Wake up, RIAA bitches. Pirates are COOL. Much cooler than the WIPO.

Earlier this week I grabbed Tool’s Undertow and Lateralus. I’d had Ænima since a few weeks ago, and I have no freaking clue why I stopped listening to Tool. I think it must have been one of those things that got lost between backups or something. They are fucking incredible.

The week before I decided I needed a bit more Bjork, so I got Post (which I LOVE!) and Homogenic, which I’m just starting to listen to. Music is such an addiction to me…I have around 4,000 songs, TV Shows, and Music Videos in my iTunes library…it’s crazy. Anyway, I was in love with Cursor Miner, but I downloaded another of their albums and it was just too…Aphex Twin-ish. I mean, if I want to listen to Aphex Twin I’ll listen to Aphex Twin, but not these cheesy knockoffs. I liked the tounge-in-cheek lyrics about American imperialism in their first album, but I couldn’t take the next album’s musical plaigarism.

Eh, maybe I should give it another chance. It has wonderful album art.

Exhibit a)

Cover art for Explosive Piece of Mind by Cursor Miner.

I started listening to the last Crossover album, Cryptic And Dire Sallow Faced Hoods Blast Off Into Oblivion today at work, and where before I had found the lyrics repetitive and uninteresting, today they seemed fresh and Dada-inspired.

Now I’m listening to Explosive Piece of Mind and I’m liking it. I don’t hear the Aphex Twin yet, but perhaps it’s egregious in some later songs.

I had a realization while I was camping. Entertainment doesn’t lull a populace into intellectual complacency–there has always been entertainment. Americans are just apathetic. Why do you need to care about politics when you’ve got a suburban house and a big SUV? Once the middle class is finally destroyed by the corporate power elite, I think we’ll have some good old-fashioned revolution. Or at least I hope so.

Whoa…there’s the Aphex Twin-ish inspiration in this album…I feel like I’m flying through a virtual world inside my computer. At least, that’s what this soundtrack lends itself to.

Well, my goals for tomorrow include getting my passport and quitting the only job I’ve ever had. Creepy. I’m not sure if I like the new splash page design I made last night, but it’s a lot cleaner and it’s not Flash-based. Now I need to make a clean, simple interface for the other pages that desperately need a redesign, like the about me and portfolio pages. I’m definitely going to need to wait until after the RAM upgrade to do any web design…this thing can’t even run Dreamweaver and Fireworks at the same time. It’s frustrating, to say the least. But I guess it’s also comforting to know that I can pop two little memory modules in there and this thing will run like a dream. That seems like a very long time from now, though.

Everything seems so far away…Sacramento is just a dream. 2GB of memory is just a dream. I can’t make that last step. During that five minutes where my boss was at his desk, my doomsday predictions were flashing before my eyes. I wanted to do it…but I wasn’t ready. And then my boss left his desk. Tomorrow is the day. I’m going to say it as soon as I sit down at my desk.

As I was driving home, I felt like the main reason I didn’t do it was because I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills if I quit right now (not quite true) and I don’t think my dad will actually help me with some money to leave. I really shouldn’t fucking care now. I need to fucking LEAVE.

A few nights ago I had this very peaceful dream. I dreamt that me and Kevin were at this beach where you had to go down these bluffs down this starcase (probably my subconsious represation of Split Stairs, my favorite spot on Pebble Beach). Nothing really happened in the dream, but we were just playing around in the waves and laughing. It was cool. I haven’t done something that carefree in ages. I need to, though.

And it’s 1 a.m. again.

I hate this cycle that my life has turned into. At 1 a.m. I hate this place so much and want to leave, but in the morning everything seems so fresh and new, and leaving it seems like such a terrible derailment of my life. Shit. I’ve got to do this. Tomorrow.

Yes! I just stumbled upon an interview with the guy from Cursor Miner. He is officially the hottest guy ever because of his response to this question:

8. What is your ideal type of woman?

Evil aliens with bass guitars, spiky haired girls who climbed a lot of trees when they were young, librarians who look good sucking the end of a biro, half kenyan half russian art students with a penchant for commodore PETs, Pris from Blade runner, Bjork, the witch out of the lion the witch & the wardrobe, Grace Jones, Amelie, Scheherezade, do they all fit a type? Girltype B21 codename “kiCk Ass”. I don’t know.

Pris from Blade Runner.

Can I marry him now?