The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

I feel totally exhausted today.

Well, in the morning I was feeling great, so I decided to do a “test pack” but my car to see if I could actually fit all my crap in it. I folded down the seats, blasted the Ladytron, and crammed everything I owned into that car. I must say, my spatial relationship skills served me well. It all fits perfectly. I am, however, it going to have to send three boxes to my mom. And I don’t think I’m going to be able to take my computer desk. I haven’t taken it apart yet, so I don’t know if it will really fit, but if the tabletop won’t go in my trunk it will be a lost cause.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to leave some things at home, but if I do it won’t really matter because all the stuff I need I will have space for. The biggest thing that I’m taking is my enormous CRT monitor, which I think I’m going to put on the passenger seat. I love that I don’t have to take a big computer tower with me, my Mac Mini is so small it would fit in the glove compartment. I’m almost tempted to go to newegg.com and pick up a supercheap 18″ LCD monitor, but that would be a ridiculous waste of money. As much as I hate my CRT for being extremely bulky, you can’t get this kind of color saturation and crystal-clear image on a budget LCD (I have a 19″ ViewSonic e90fb).

Well, needless to say, carrying those massive boxes of books around sapped my strength. I was so exhausted I actually read the entire Triplicate, cover to cover. And now I really don’t know what to do with myself. I need to pack up my mother’s oil lamp and forage for boxes in town, but that just doesn’t seem like a project for the weekend. I have gone crazy scanning photos last week and I am completely fed up with doing it right now. I love that I have a scanner though, it’s been too long since I’ve been without one. I think the main reason for this is that my dad got a crappy brand-x one back in the day which stoppped working after a year or so. I bought the CanoScan LiDE 60, a solid mid-range scanner. It’s the most recent model of the one that I have at work, the LiDE 35, which I use endlessly. I think this thing will definitely last more than a year.

My goal for today is to go through this big, dusty box of childhood memorabilia that I have been putting off for a while. I hope it can all be thrown out. I must say, I have been merciless with the declutterization. Early in my life I read this book called Clutter’s Last Stand by Don Aslett. It may just seem like pointless eighties ephemera, but there is the backbone of philosophy about it, and it’s deeply anti-materialistic. I mean, it doesn’t advocate going and living in a cave, but the crux of it is to only keep things that benefit you.

As in, if the box of childhood books that I’m shipping to my mom is going to end up in storage, I might as well throw it out. I guess that’s an oversimplification, but what he has you do at the very end the book is put all of the clutter that you absolutely can’t get rid of into a box or trash bag and put it in a closet for six months, and if you can identify any item in it without looking, you can have that item back but you have throw the rest away. To me, it seems very monkeylike to be chained to all this “stuff” that we can never get rid of. I’m all about simplicity and efficiency. If I owned more stuff that I could fit my car, that’s just not a healthy way to live (at my stage of life).

I’m taking with me some stuff that I’m going to be selling on eBay (or Craigslist), which makes me feel that I’m taking even less stuff with me. I would love to sell that computer case I bought ages ago before I leave, but that’s not quite practical. I was going to bring it in to Tech Town to see if they would sell it for a commission or something like that, but I only had two weeks left and it just didn’t seem like a good plan.

I need to call the automotive place in the morning and see how much it would be to get a new airbag. As much as I lie to myself in saying that I’m going to take public transit, I know that I’m going to be using my car a lot. It’s probably going to be too expensive, but at least I can say I tried.

I look around my room at all the boxes and I just can’t believe it. Next Saturday, I’m going to be in Sacramento. Isn’t that fucking crazy? I’ve wanted to do this for so long, and now it’s actually happening. I just don’t know what to say.

I guess I don’t have to say anything. I’m leaving.

And I’m never coming back.