> Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart (et al)
> Vivialdi - The Four Seasons (Winter/Fall)
> Miss Kittin and the Hacker - 1984
> Miss Kittin and Goldenboy - Rippin Kittin
> The Bravery - Fearless
Man, I never listen to Joy Division, but tonight I can’t stop myself. I’ve listened to Substance two times already. Today we all went to the river: Me, Kelly, Lacey, Derek, Dan (Derek’s roomate), and this guy who none of us had ever met, named Cyle (Kyle). He was SO DAMN COOL! We talked about everything…politics, music, friggin’ everything while they all played at the river. He was such an amazingly cool guy! I love meeting new people. Man, I need to get my voice-rec working…I have so much to say right now.
I’m in a terrible mood…like, the first one in months. And I should be freaking super-happy from moving. I mean, in the last like week I’ve met three incredibly cool guys: Noah, Adrian, and Cyle. And I’m very disappointed that I’m single. I’m like, goddamn it if there are all these affable, intelligent, politically-aware guys just crawling out of the woodwork then why the hell don’t I rate enough to get to cuddle with any of them?
I’m in a bad mood because the whole dynamic is different than I ever imagined. It was supposed to be…actually, I’m not going to write this. It’s 4 a.m. and I’m going to say things I’ll regret.
But yeah, I love you Christen!
And Cyle, you are witty, intelligent, and interesting!
OK, so Cyle was Christen’s “date” that she met through this dating site called cupid-something…and I hung out with him all day long (like ten times the time she did) and I totally fell in love with his personality…I felt like I was filling in for Christen in the date (because she had to work) and then when she didn’t like him anything more than a friend I just felt really weird.
Okay, now I’m all manic and I’m back to listening to The Bravery.
….and back to sadness…I’m listening to the “winter” part of Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons. I feel like such an emo kid right now. Me and Cyle were joking that I need to just take a week and stay online 24/7 until I find a boyfriend and then I won’t have anything to devote the rest of my time to but finding a job. lol.
I just love meeting new people and talking about movies and music and politics and everything…it’s what I live for. It’s just that I’m seeing that one of the people I love the most isn’t perfect and that’s troubling to me.
I’m losing grip on what I feel is important. I feel like an orphan in this place. I was always an emotional orphan stuck between a controlling mother and emotionally dead father.
I need to stop pitying myself. I need to stop listening to The Bravery. I am really considering posting a Craigslist ad for a cuddle buddy.
I need to take a less pretentious picture of myself and do that. That’s tomorrow’s project: find the cuddle.
My god, I just spent like ten minutes browsing those personals and they were so weird and depressing. I don’t know what I want. I should get to sleep.
Adrian says I should go to the 2600 meeting here in Sacramento. I’m really curious, but I think it’s going to go the way of my plan to join the Macintosh Users Group in Crescent City. I would plan and plan, but then realized that I could never leave the silicon womb of the Internet for even a moment!
Here’s my theory. The selection in Del Norte was so limited that people would make the leap into intimacy whenever they could . . . never know when something this good is going to come along again. But in a city, there are SO MANY possible connections that everyone ends up standing back for fear that they might choose the wrong one, even if the right one is standing right in front of them. This happened to me when I moved to a larger place and was single, and what worked was doing the work of making the moves, but you might be too passive for that. Still, eventually you’ll meet someone who’s not passive and has eyes to see what’s in front of him. Just say no if he’s fat and 40!