Categories: Audioblogs
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About Me
I'm a twenty-something writer and web designer based in the New York City area. In my diary you'll find fiction, nonfiction, essays, diatribes, fantasies, harangues and polemics. -
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Monthly Archives: July 2006
Tired. 0
Me and Adrian had so much fun last night! I stayed over at his place and walked back in the morning (well…5 p.m…).
It was SO much more difficult to get back. I thought I was going to pass out. I had to take an ice-cold shower to recover once I got back.
I ate, then went to sleep at 9 p.m.
I slept for sixteen hours.
But I’m awake now. I only have $17 left in my checking account…so I need a job ASAP. I’ve been working on my resume today, and I’m going to get back to it, but I just had to post this. I bought another domain.
I’m going to make it my uber-cool corporate facade site, with a politically correct blog and all that crap. But until then, it’s bunnified.
Categories: Ennui
At Adrian’s. 0
I walked over to Adrian’s today…it was about two miles, I packed up a few bottles of Aquafina and just walked it. It wasn’t bad at all, I spent most of the walk talking to my mom. Well, I should go.
Categories: Ennui
Tonight. 0
After Kelly and Lacey came over, I went over to their place and hung out. First, Kelly made nachos and corn dogs:
After that we read horoscopes and watched Spice World and The Breakfast Club:
I sent Adrian a few texts, and at around midnight I called him. He was still in Davis. My deduction was correct, he was with Victor, his geneticist ex from Davis. We talked on the phone for a while and I got all excited to see him the next day. I don’t know…maybe I just have a terrible memory but after a few days he just doesn’t seem real and then I talk to him on the phone and I’m like “Whoa. He’s incredibly cute and has great taste. And he likes me. How is this possible?”
I’m the same way with everybody.
Tomorrow Adrian is going to wake me up early and we’re going to go over to his house and cuddle and watch Battlestar Galactica. Or so I hope. I’d better get to bed. I want to sleep with him again (not in a sexual way). It was so nice to wake up next to him that first night. Man, I need to get a job and get my own place.
I want: my car to work
a 13″ black MacBook – $1,500
A 20″ monitor – $300-ish
a 60GB iPod – $400
A bus-powered portable hard drive, preferably 60-80GB – $150-ish?
A glass topped computer desk – $108 at Staples
And I think I’m done for a little bit.
To do any of this crap, I need a friggin’ job. It was 113 degrees today, so walking down to the shopping center wasn’t exactly a very fun proposition. It’s only supposed to be 108 tomorrow, so I guess that’s a little better.
Well, I had a bunch of fun at Kelly’s and Kevin called me on the way home and we talked for a while. Me and Adrian are going there on the 30th, apparently. It’s about $20 for the bus…I think I’ll have the money.
In other news, it turns out that when I was extremely tired and Kelly was over ordering tickets for the Massive Attack concert in Berkley, I told her to order one for me. I SO don’t remember that, but…oh well. It’s getting down to crunch time. I only have like $70 left. Must. Get. Job.
Categories: Ennui
On the ground in IKEA 0
Adrian found this list on the ground when we went to IKEA a few weeks ago. I like posting things like this on the ‘Net.
I cleaned off my computer “desk” (really a dresser) and it looks very clean. I also hooked up two more speakers to my surround sound system, giving me much richer sound. I’m using it as a stereo right now instead of a surround sound system, but they are still good speakers. Here’s some pics:
I only wish I had a “before” pic. It was embarrassing.
Kelly’s supposed to come over later and tell me a juicy story. I’m passing the time cleaning my room. I had planned to go down to the shopping center and get applications, but it is just too damn hot. I’m going to call my dad and tell him about the car. Maybe that will help something.
Adrian and I might get together and watch Battlestar Galactica later today once he gets back from Davis. He spent the night there after the party because his ride didn’t feel good enough to drive. I assume he went with his geneticist ex, since it was in Davis, but perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions. Eh, whatev’. I think I’m jealous because I haven’t gotten to go to one of Kelly’s parties in what seems like ages.
Categories: Ennui
113 0
It’s supposed to be 113 degrees today.
My god.
Today I put my clothes in the dryer and set it to “no heat.” They were dry in under ten minutes.
Categories: Ennui
Fly away to a better place 0
> Chromeo – Me and My Man
> Sneaker Pimps – Low Five
> Tomcraft – Quelle Heure Est-il
> ATB – Ecstasy
> Oakenfold – Faster Kill Pussycat
> Jet – Rollover DJ
> Praga Khan – Kiss the Sky
Ok. Emo time is over.
It’s time to get things together, get a job, and get started on my school. I got up at 10:30 today and I’m about to wash my clothes, then I’m going to go down to the shopping center near my house to get applications.
Hm. I’m listening to the new Chicks on Speed album, 99 Cents. It’s not bad. I really didn’t like their album Will Save Us All, but this one is quite good. It’s odd, but I’m really in the mood for Goldfrapp. Man, I can’t wait to get out of this house. Johnny (my mildly retarded uncle) invited me to go kyaking with him today, but I really don’t want to go. However, he supposedly has a mechanic friend, and he is my uncle. I’m just afraid he’s going to drown himself because he drinks and never wears a life jacket. He’d better have one for me.
I got to sleep early last night, around two-ish. My aunt Kathy called at about one-thirty because she saw an ad for a computer desk in whatever she was reading. I guess she knew I’d be awake, but still. Odd.
I’m in the mood for Goldfrapp (Black Cherry, not the vapid yet danceable Supernature) because her songs are heartfelt and sentimental, but still melodic and a bit abstract. Her lyrics always say the important emotion in the subtext, where the lyrics at first listen seem a bit random.
Last night while I was going to sleep I couldn’t help but think of Adrian. Me and Keith had been reading these extremely heartfelt “erotic” stories on Nifty, and this one really reminded me of my relationship. I don’t know why, since the subject matter was so different, but they were both about a really meaningful relationship…anyway, as I was falling asleep I kept remembering how wonderful it was to fall asleep next to him.
I slept well, except for this really odd dream about Kelly. It mostly revolved around this big (three-foot at least) pyramid of carmel icing and these big candy-cane like sticks of carmel that we were dipping in the carmel pyramid. It was really revolting because I don’t like carmel much at all, but Kelly and Becky kept eating it and in the dream I remember thinking too “you know, we have to eat this before it goes bad.”
What would Freud say about the massive carmel pyramid?
On the list of things to get for today (well, the only item on the list) is a pair of those huge over-the-ear headphones. I used to have a pair that had wonderful sound quality, but they broke, and my iPod headphones (besides being an advertisment to potential iPod purloiners) have terrible sound quality. Since I can’t blast music while my grandma is here, I need some rockout headphones.
I think I’m going to go make some breakfast and chill in the hammock until my clothes are done.
Categories: Ennui
Well. 1
It turns out that all my pessimistic musings about this trip have come true.
I would move down here, then my car would break down before I was able to get a job.
Then I would run out of money.
We’re up to #2.
I was going out to meet Kelly and Christen at Mel’s in Roseville last night and my battery light started blinking and my RPM needle started flopping around and then went to zero…and it became difficult to turn the wheel. I was on the freeway too…I thought I was going to die. But I got off at the next exit and went straight home. It was extremely disconcerting to be driving at 45mph and have the RPM needle register zero the whole time. I was thinking it might be the battery, but I really don’t have a clue.
In other news, I fucking hate living here. I can never get a good, restful sleep.
1) I don’t have an alarm clock to wake me up at a reasonable hour
2) I feel guilty sleeping because my grandma will poke her head in randomly and insult me for not having a job
Isn’t life wonderful?
I want to have my car looked at, but I have about $60 in my bank account and that’s it.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. My grandma is pissed at me for not having a job…and I’m supposed to go and beg her for money to fix my car? That’s why I didn’t get out of bed until 1 p.m. even though I woke up at 11:45. I feel completely hopeless.
Well, not completely…me and Adrian had an important talk yesterday…he got angry over my sex spreadsheet. And in retrospect, the spreadsheet was completely stupid. However, we talked on the phone and we’re fine. I like him so much…but we’re probably not going to get to see much of each other any more with this car situation.
God, I need to stop wallowing in despair and do something.
Categories: Ennui
Sex! 0
I don’t know who I came up with this idea with, but we decided to make a database of all the people we’ve slept with.
Um…I had it on here, but I had second thoughts. That is just TOO much information.
My freaking mom could read it.
Categories: Ennui
Listless… 1
I’m not in a wonderful mood today. Kelly and everybody and I are going out to eat later, and I’m all dressed up, but that hasn’t helped in the least. I was reading The Informers, that novel Kelly lent me…it’s not very uplifting.
And when I’m on MySpace I keep reading Adrian’s comments and surfing the commenters’ profiles endlessly. I have to stop doing that.
I was in such an ironic mood that I’m going to wear the tie Brian gave me. I would wear it to work sometimes, to let my pain show on the outside. The pain was that nobody knew…nobody could possibly get the meaning of the tie. Nobody knew that it hurt. The feeling was much like what I would imagine cutting to be like.
I don’t know why I’m in such a crappy mood. I guess it’s because I’m running out of money and I feel like a loser. I’ve had so much fun with Adrian lately that it’s almost unreal. I don’t know if it’s fun…I just…as the day goes by I keep wanting to be in his bed holding each other while we make Babylon 5 jokes.
Today I went down to Sunrise for this epic quest to pay my cell phone bill. I won’t bore you with the details, but their payment system only lets you make three tries over the phone (dropped the call all three times). It was my mistake for not paying via the Internet). Anyway, I went down to the store (took forEVER to find it, the star was on the wrong side of the street on Mapquest). Well, long story short, I signed up for auto-pay and complained about my phone’s shitty battery life and she gave me a new battery. Sweet! So I’m considering today a success.
And I still don’t know why I’m in the dumps. With me, I’m always operating under the assumption that for every thing that makes me feel loved and wonderfully happy, something equally shitty will happen. I mean, I didn’t recover from that first heroin bit of Taggart’s “love” for years. I keep flashing forward to a point where I will need Adrian with every fiber of my being but I won’t be able to hold him and he won’t remember our inside jokes.
After that I picture the inevitable fall from grace…dating boring, shallow cretins. I picture dating the Sacramento version of Thomas (that guy from Brookings with whom I had a few tedious, revolting trysts). I seriously need to become a eunuch.
I wanted to hang out with Adrian today but I thought back and we’d hung out for two days in a row before today. I think it’s one of those Amanda V. syndrome things, where we talk online so much that we don’t actually have much to say in person. That reminds me, I should call Joe. Oh, he’s not online…he’s probably sleeping, like I should be doing instead of going to Mel’s with Christen and Kelly. I hope Lacey isn’t going to make an appearance. Kelly acts completely different when she’s around.
I’m not sure what I feel towards Lacey. I mean, I can easily picture me and Kelly hanging out or me and Christen or me and Becky, but me and Lacey? Maybe the creepy L.A. doppelganger of me, but not me.
Hm. I don’t have a job any more. I should wear some eyeliner. There’s no telling who one might met at Mel’s. You know, I don’t really like the place, but maybe that’s because the last time I went there it was 3 a.m. and I was with Cyle and Christen, and Christen was being completely loopy and saying she was going to disembowel me.
I’m so lame. I never follow through with anything. I did, however, drive all around the Sunrise area and could find no jobs to be had. There was a “now hiring” sign in front of Kelly’s Old Navy, but she told me they always have it up.
And to top it all off, my A/C broke yesterday. Well, it still works, but it fills the car with the smell of charred plastic. Man, I need to have a glass of water and chill out.
Categories: Ennui