Monday…I really don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want the creepy job in Natomas. My mom had given me a bunch of money for interview clothes and such…and I completely let her down. I don’t even feel right calling her now. I want a good job, darn it! Something where I can use all my Adobe Creative Suite / Macromedia Studio skills.

I’m feeling like I’m burning through everybody I know and soon I will be all alone with all my favors used up.

In the evening we went out to eat with Victor, Adrian’s last ex…we went over to his house in Davis…I drove my car over and it clanked and thumped and wouldn’t stay in a fast gear…almost got mauled by a semi coming up behind us as I was doing 35 m.p.h. on the freeway…luckily made it. We went to Blockbuster, talked with some people that Adrian knew that happened to be at Blockbuster, went back to the house, ate mixed nuts and cookies while we watched Labyrinth. Everything seemed to be going fine until Victor realized that me and Adrian were a couple.

It was around 2 a.m. by then. We left at around three or four…bleary-eyed driving…Adrian slipping in and out of consciousness telling me all his dreams…streaming…green…red…traffic lights…bleary eyes…wrong exit…the tower bridge…downtown…I-5…just by luck, the El Camino exit…and then we’re back in Carmichael and I’m in his arms again, then sleep.

Today we woke up around one and drove around doing errands…now it’s 8 p.m. and I still haven’t done anything on the job search…I have this toothache that keeps demanding more advil. I don’t have dental insurance, I hope the pain goes away. It’s a wisdom tooth that’s breaking through…I hope that’s all it is.

Kelly’s party is tomorrow at seven, then Saturday is the after-party…since only half the people can come to the party tomorrow due to work and such. I talked to Christen, Becky, and Lacey today on the phone. It was odd…I felt really connected to the goings-on here. I’m used to being 300 miles away and having no clue…now I’m plugged in.

Adrian is very tired and he’s sleeping on the bed while I write. I’m very tired too, but I’m attempting to stay awake so I can sleep at a reasonable hour and get up at a reasonable hour. I need to write up a much more detailed job description because Kieth is tweaking up my resume. I also need to write a cover letter. My car is slowly but surely dying. If it can’t handle the 30 minute drive to Davis, how am I going to be able to get around? Best not to think of things like that right now. I went to Safeway today and bought soymilk, some Tazo chai, and a big thing of oatmeal. All the necessities right there. I feel like I should be stocking up on food. I’m just in a weird mood now and I don’t know what the solution to anything is.

I feel guilty cuddling with Adrian. My mom spent her hard-earned money so that I could get some nice interview clothes and make something of myself and here I am doing nothing and being happy. I haven’t called my dad to ask him to pay for my one class yet. They might have already dropped me. I know he won’t pay for it because he will want me to have a job. I’ve already given up on college for this semester, even though I’m not telling my mom.

Screw college for this semester. I am extremely broke and it’s not going to pay my bills. And I have a whole bunch of those right now.

Yes, I want a college education. But we can’t always get what we want.