The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

I feel kind of shitty, but yet I still feel like I want to dance. I’m all moved into my grandma’s house again… and I feel like a total asshole for just abandoning her like that with no notice or anything. I feel shitty that I’m not going to college right now… I feel shitty that my car exploded today… and I feel shitty that I’m going to have to take a bus and two trains to get to work when before it was just a train. I’m going to be taking a different route, but I don’t know if it’s more or less ghetto. I’m going to have to leave the iPod at home tomorrow. I’m also going to attempt to get up early. It’s not dangerous taking public transit if you go with the crowds of commuters. However, the new route takes an hour as opposed to the old route which was 30 minutes or less.

I went over to Katie’s house today and got my computer desk. On the way home, my car died and smoke was billowing out of it. I pushed it to the side of the road into a Taco Bell parking lot, opening the hood. There was oil splattered everywhere and I couldn’t get the cap of the oil reservoir to open. Somehow, it started again and got me home. My room is set up very well… since there is barely room to breathe with all this furniture everywhere, it sort of like my digital cocoon… speakers and keyboard on one massive piece of furniture on the right, computer in front of me, and my bed on the third side. Once I get a camera will take pictures, but that seems increasingly unlikely. I would much rather get a larger display for my computer than a camera. Well, on the bright side my credit card is down to $370. Considering that it was nearly at $700, I would call it an improvement.

I don’t really have any bills now except for the Internet, so I think that I will build up a substantial sum quickly. I really want to get a 24-inch iMac… or even just a 20-inch iMac and another display… I’m sick of only having one monitor. Anyway, today I made a whole wish list of expensive things I want to buy. I don’t know, I feel like something is missing in my life. I miss hanging out with Adrian. I wanted to go out for sushi with him today, but my car is less than reliable and it was late. But once my dad brings my bike down, I’m going to be so ridiculously mobile. I need to get a helmet.

I have been obsessed with this Brazilian band Cansei de Ser Sexy (God, that took like 20 minutes for the voice-recognition engine to understand), that band that opened for Ladytron when me and Kelly went to see them in San Francisco. Live, the lyrics were unintelligible and the musicianship was terrible but their album sounds great and is extremely catchy. I have “Music is my Hot Sex” by them stuck in my head. Speaking of music, I used one of my domains to create a password-protected online repository for good music in case I’m at a party that needs tunes (like that one that we went to in Davis).

I’ve just been feeling extremely down all day… it wasn’t for all this good music, I would be in a much worse mood. It makes me angry that I’m going to have to get up extremely early tomorrow… I still don’t have my own computer at the office nor do I have my own phone there, have to use my cell phone. I don’t mind financially, as I have unlimited minutes and long distance, but it’s the principle of the thing. I find it nearly impossible to get work done sometimes, switching computers and workspaces three times in an hour.

I feel like I’ve stagnated. I should go see Kevin in San Francisco. I think that would definitely cheer me up.